Saturday, June 4, 2011
Dream Away
I told Dean this morning that he will need to arrange child care for late August. I am going on this trip.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Faith and Annie!
I am very, very late in posting pictures from Debra, Faith and Annie's visit back in April.
As you can see, the girls wore matching pants.
They had a lot of fun going to the park, having lunch, and playing in the backyard while Debra and I caught up.
Annie is a fabulous baby, the kind that tries to trick you into thinking it wouldn't be that hard to have a second child.
And Faith is a wonderful big sister. Amelia loved playing with a big girl.
We are hoping to see our friends from "The Springs" again soon!
As you can see, the girls wore matching pants.
They had a lot of fun going to the park, having lunch, and playing in the backyard while Debra and I caught up.
Annie is a fabulous baby, the kind that tries to trick you into thinking it wouldn't be that hard to have a second child.
And Faith is a wonderful big sister. Amelia loved playing with a big girl.
We are hoping to see our friends from "The Springs" again soon!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Nonticketed Lap Child: Tips for Traveling with Someone Under Two
Since Amelia and I just completed our one millionth airplane trip together, I thought I would share what I have learned about entertaining a toddler on a planes.
1. New, new, new
Probably the most important thing I've learned about traveling with Amelia is to bring a wide variety of things to play with, and to bring as many "new" things along as I can. These things don't have to be brand new--although I sometimes do buy one or two things to take along--just things she hasn't seen in awhile. About a week before we travel, I look over her toys for anything that might be plane-appropriate (see below) and stash it away in her closet. Then I can pack it, and when I reintroduce it on the plane, it's a little surprise! Another way to get "new" things without spending money is to borrow toys from friends. Ask fellow parents if they have any plane-appropriate toys you can take on your trip. Some of the best toys we've traveled with have been toys of Amelia's friends.
2. Dole It Out
Once you've chosen what to bring and packed your bag, be the bag-master. A and I usually travel alone, so we just have a single bag. If I let her see the bag she'd be done with it in 10 minutes, so as we travel, I bring out one toy or activity at a time. I try to think ahead about the best times to do so. For example, if the flight attendant is about to bring drinks, I wait until after that to offer a new activity, because we've learned that ice in a cup is a fine plane toy. (In fact, when Amelia sees the flight attendants, she starts saying "Rice! Rice!")
3. Plane-Appropriate
What are the best toys for the plane? A lot of it depends on the child's age, but here are a few things I've learned. Anything too big is out, for obvious reasons, as is anything too messy. Keep in mind that no matter what you do, a lot of what you bring is going to end up on the floor. Will it be fairly easy to retrieve? Balls and things that roll away too easily are probably best avoided. Also avoid toys that make extremely loud noises--see below re not being annoying. No one wants to sit near a baby and Talking Elmo. Books are good, if they're not too heavy or bulky, but if I bring books I try to make sure they are ones Amelia likes--otherwise they are a waste of space.
Before a trip, I always try to think about what most entertains Amelia at that stage in her life and figure out how to best replicate that on the plane. So when she was under 6 months, her main airplane "entertainment" was nursing, being walked up and down the aisle, and, during one memorable trip, being whisked from my arms by a well-meaning flight attendant. But by 9 or 10 months, I could just bring a bag of stuff she'd never seen before--measuring cups, ribbons, My Little Ponies, whatever, and that worked pretty well. For this last trip, we let her bring crayons for the first time, since she is finally not just eating them, and they entertained her for awhile. (But they do roll away pretty easily). As with anything child-related, what will work best for you is probably unique to your child.
4. Top Toys So Far
That said, we have had some luck with particular toys. As I mentioned above, books can be good. Amelia likes any kind of picture dictionary type book, peek-a-boo books, and touch and feel books. One of her favorites has been a foam puzzle book loaned to us by a friend. It is lighter and more manageable than a real puzzle, and it took up at least an hour (in various 15-minute increments) on the trip we took before this last one.
She also likes flash cards, and we can take a lot of time handing her 3 or 4 cards, one at a time, and then getting her to hand them back. Stickers have worked well for us for awhile. You can stick them on each other, all 10 fingers, your boarding pass, every dog you can find in the Sky Mall book, and if you are desperate, your tray table. Another friend of ours recommended painter's tape--same idea. And still another friend loaned us a doodle board sort of like this one--Amelia had a great time scribbling and making the picture "all gone."
As I mentioned above, art activities might work, if they are not too rolly or messy. I am looking forward to when a coloring book and crayons might actually entertain Amelia. This time, we brought crayons in a fold-up pouch like this one (photos at the bottoms on the page). I did not make ours; it was a gift from Aunt Susan at Christmas (thank you Susan!). Amelia had more fun taking the crayons in and out of the pockets than actually coloring, but whatever. We also took these markers that only write on special paper. We learned that they do in fact leave an odd, wet-looking mark on airplane tray tables, but that comes off easily with a baby wipe. (Another random tip: bring a lot of baby wipes.) Amelia again had a better time putting the lids of the markers on her fingers than coloring, but again, oh well.
I thought I would wrap up the toy section by giving an example of what I meant by trying to replicate on planes what entertains Amelia in general. I bought two new things for the trip home from NC: toys rings and a bag of small farm animals. Both of these I found at a random NC drugstore for under $5. Since Amelia had such putting marker lids on her fingers on the way to NC, I thought she would enjoy the rings. And at her Luli and Guru's house, Amelia had a great time playing with dollhouse furniture and a bucket of seashells. I thought the farm animals were kind of similar. Both of these toys worked very well on the plane--but they wouldn't have a couple of months ago, when they would have gone straight in the mouth.
5. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks.
In my opinion, one of the most important things you can bring on the plane is food, for yourself and your child. Bring stuff you know you both like. Don't be too concerned about being healthy. Amelia's current favorites are salty snacks, so I brought Ziplocks of pretzels, crackers, Veggie Straws, etc. As with toys, it helps to have a lot of different options you can dole out as needed. My own favorites are Luna bars and the Veggie Straws. To simplify things during security, I usually don't bring babyfood (although Amelia is currently obsessed with those squeezey applesauce things, so this time it might have been worth it). I do bring an empty sippy cup I can fill along the way, after security.
6. On Sleep
My experience is that sleep during air travel is pretty hit or miss. Amelia used to nurse herself to sleep, and on this trip her biggest fit was on the way there, crying for "mik." (That was actually the last time she cried for milk, too.) On the way back, she let me rock her to sleep, to the extent that you can rock someone to sleep in an airplane seat, and sing to her. But she never sleeps long. Invariably a flight attendant will park the drink cart right next to us, or the pilot will make an announcement, or I will have to move my arm or leg, and she will wake up. So I try to save sleep for when I know she is really tired and we will be sitting still for awhile. And hope for the best.
7. On Not Being (Too) Annoying
When I first started traveling with Amelia, what I hated most was worrying about annoying other people. Now I am not nearly as concerned about them, but there are a few things I try to keep in mind. I try not to bring anything too loud along, as I mentioned above, and I try not to let her engage in truly intrusive behavior, like repeatedly kicking the back of the seat. If the behavior is borderline--Amelia loves to stand up and play peek-a-boo with the people in the sear behind us--I try to feel out the fellow travelers. Sometimes you get lucky and sit near a grandparent. (Actually that is my number one tip--try to sit near a grandparent.) But, annoyance-wise, there are some things you can't do anything about. If Amelia has a fit, I just try to stay calm. And if someone is being annoyed for no real reason, like the man who turned around and glared at us when Amelia was singing to herself, I just glare back at them.
8. Emergency Stash
Take something you know will distract your child if all else fails and save it for an emergency. We brought out a bag of M&M's 15 minutes before landing in NC, when Amelia was exhausted and just wanted to be free, and it saved the day.
9. Take Care of Yourself
For me, this means drink water. Bring chapstick and lotion. Take a bathroom break. Eat something.
10. On Having Fun
As long-time readers of this blog may know, I am not a natural traveler. But I try to remember that traveling can be fun. Especially when Dean and I travel together, we try to make it a nice day, taking turns reading and entertaining Amelia. Even when I am by myself, I often buy a People magazine or something I wouldn't normally buy to read while Amelia sleeps. And if there a layover that is long enough, I have a mojito, a drink I am pretty sure I have only ever tried in airports.
I hope these tips are helpful. If anyone has something to add, please leave a comment! And happy travels!
1. New, new, new
Probably the most important thing I've learned about traveling with Amelia is to bring a wide variety of things to play with, and to bring as many "new" things along as I can. These things don't have to be brand new--although I sometimes do buy one or two things to take along--just things she hasn't seen in awhile. About a week before we travel, I look over her toys for anything that might be plane-appropriate (see below) and stash it away in her closet. Then I can pack it, and when I reintroduce it on the plane, it's a little surprise! Another way to get "new" things without spending money is to borrow toys from friends. Ask fellow parents if they have any plane-appropriate toys you can take on your trip. Some of the best toys we've traveled with have been toys of Amelia's friends.
2. Dole It Out
Once you've chosen what to bring and packed your bag, be the bag-master. A and I usually travel alone, so we just have a single bag. If I let her see the bag she'd be done with it in 10 minutes, so as we travel, I bring out one toy or activity at a time. I try to think ahead about the best times to do so. For example, if the flight attendant is about to bring drinks, I wait until after that to offer a new activity, because we've learned that ice in a cup is a fine plane toy. (In fact, when Amelia sees the flight attendants, she starts saying "Rice! Rice!")
3. Plane-Appropriate
What are the best toys for the plane? A lot of it depends on the child's age, but here are a few things I've learned. Anything too big is out, for obvious reasons, as is anything too messy. Keep in mind that no matter what you do, a lot of what you bring is going to end up on the floor. Will it be fairly easy to retrieve? Balls and things that roll away too easily are probably best avoided. Also avoid toys that make extremely loud noises--see below re not being annoying. No one wants to sit near a baby and Talking Elmo. Books are good, if they're not too heavy or bulky, but if I bring books I try to make sure they are ones Amelia likes--otherwise they are a waste of space.
Before a trip, I always try to think about what most entertains Amelia at that stage in her life and figure out how to best replicate that on the plane. So when she was under 6 months, her main airplane "entertainment" was nursing, being walked up and down the aisle, and, during one memorable trip, being whisked from my arms by a well-meaning flight attendant. But by 9 or 10 months, I could just bring a bag of stuff she'd never seen before--measuring cups, ribbons, My Little Ponies, whatever, and that worked pretty well. For this last trip, we let her bring crayons for the first time, since she is finally not just eating them, and they entertained her for awhile. (But they do roll away pretty easily). As with anything child-related, what will work best for you is probably unique to your child.
4. Top Toys So Far
That said, we have had some luck with particular toys. As I mentioned above, books can be good. Amelia likes any kind of picture dictionary type book, peek-a-boo books, and touch and feel books. One of her favorites has been a foam puzzle book loaned to us by a friend. It is lighter and more manageable than a real puzzle, and it took up at least an hour (in various 15-minute increments) on the trip we took before this last one.
She also likes flash cards, and we can take a lot of time handing her 3 or 4 cards, one at a time, and then getting her to hand them back. Stickers have worked well for us for awhile. You can stick them on each other, all 10 fingers, your boarding pass, every dog you can find in the Sky Mall book, and if you are desperate, your tray table. Another friend of ours recommended painter's tape--same idea. And still another friend loaned us a doodle board sort of like this one--Amelia had a great time scribbling and making the picture "all gone."
As I mentioned above, art activities might work, if they are not too rolly or messy. I am looking forward to when a coloring book and crayons might actually entertain Amelia. This time, we brought crayons in a fold-up pouch like this one (photos at the bottoms on the page). I did not make ours; it was a gift from Aunt Susan at Christmas (thank you Susan!). Amelia had more fun taking the crayons in and out of the pockets than actually coloring, but whatever. We also took these markers that only write on special paper. We learned that they do in fact leave an odd, wet-looking mark on airplane tray tables, but that comes off easily with a baby wipe. (Another random tip: bring a lot of baby wipes.) Amelia again had a better time putting the lids of the markers on her fingers than coloring, but again, oh well.
I thought I would wrap up the toy section by giving an example of what I meant by trying to replicate on planes what entertains Amelia in general. I bought two new things for the trip home from NC: toys rings and a bag of small farm animals. Both of these I found at a random NC drugstore for under $5. Since Amelia had such putting marker lids on her fingers on the way to NC, I thought she would enjoy the rings. And at her Luli and Guru's house, Amelia had a great time playing with dollhouse furniture and a bucket of seashells. I thought the farm animals were kind of similar. Both of these toys worked very well on the plane--but they wouldn't have a couple of months ago, when they would have gone straight in the mouth.
5. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks.
In my opinion, one of the most important things you can bring on the plane is food, for yourself and your child. Bring stuff you know you both like. Don't be too concerned about being healthy. Amelia's current favorites are salty snacks, so I brought Ziplocks of pretzels, crackers, Veggie Straws, etc. As with toys, it helps to have a lot of different options you can dole out as needed. My own favorites are Luna bars and the Veggie Straws. To simplify things during security, I usually don't bring babyfood (although Amelia is currently obsessed with those squeezey applesauce things, so this time it might have been worth it). I do bring an empty sippy cup I can fill along the way, after security.
6. On Sleep
My experience is that sleep during air travel is pretty hit or miss. Amelia used to nurse herself to sleep, and on this trip her biggest fit was on the way there, crying for "mik." (That was actually the last time she cried for milk, too.) On the way back, she let me rock her to sleep, to the extent that you can rock someone to sleep in an airplane seat, and sing to her. But she never sleeps long. Invariably a flight attendant will park the drink cart right next to us, or the pilot will make an announcement, or I will have to move my arm or leg, and she will wake up. So I try to save sleep for when I know she is really tired and we will be sitting still for awhile. And hope for the best.
7. On Not Being (Too) Annoying
When I first started traveling with Amelia, what I hated most was worrying about annoying other people. Now I am not nearly as concerned about them, but there are a few things I try to keep in mind. I try not to bring anything too loud along, as I mentioned above, and I try not to let her engage in truly intrusive behavior, like repeatedly kicking the back of the seat. If the behavior is borderline--Amelia loves to stand up and play peek-a-boo with the people in the sear behind us--I try to feel out the fellow travelers. Sometimes you get lucky and sit near a grandparent. (Actually that is my number one tip--try to sit near a grandparent.) But, annoyance-wise, there are some things you can't do anything about. If Amelia has a fit, I just try to stay calm. And if someone is being annoyed for no real reason, like the man who turned around and glared at us when Amelia was singing to herself, I just glare back at them.
8. Emergency Stash
Take something you know will distract your child if all else fails and save it for an emergency. We brought out a bag of M&M's 15 minutes before landing in NC, when Amelia was exhausted and just wanted to be free, and it saved the day.
9. Take Care of Yourself
For me, this means drink water. Bring chapstick and lotion. Take a bathroom break. Eat something.
10. On Having Fun
As long-time readers of this blog may know, I am not a natural traveler. But I try to remember that traveling can be fun. Especially when Dean and I travel together, we try to make it a nice day, taking turns reading and entertaining Amelia. Even when I am by myself, I often buy a People magazine or something I wouldn't normally buy to read while Amelia sleeps. And if there a layover that is long enough, I have a mojito, a drink I am pretty sure I have only ever tried in airports.
I hope these tips are helpful. If anyone has something to add, please leave a comment! And happy travels!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Rejection
Through an odd series of connections, I recently came across the poet Sarah Vap. I have just begun to read her poems but I like them very much, and I also like her essays.
I was reading this interview with Sarah Vap from The Southeast Review and I was struck by one of the questions:
Q: What is your relationship with rejection like?
And her answer:
A: Warm. Tender. Long.
I thought this was such a strange question until I remembered that a writer was asking the questions and another writer was answering--they were speaking about writing being rejected. These questions and answers came to mind yesterday when we returned from our trip to NC to a large stack of mail. One of the envelopes was a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
When you send off your poems to journals, you include a self-addressed stamped envelope. This allows the journal to reply to you efficiently and at no cost to them. Until I actually had a poem accepted somewhere, I figured if your poem was taken, they would write to you with a real envelope. But no, they still just use the one you sent. So when you see an SASE in the mail, if you're me, you know you've gotten an answer about your poems.
I sent off a bunch of poems in October. That's October 2010, eight months ago. Until yesterday, I hadn't heard from two journals from that round of submissions. Well, that's not quite true--I had heard from both that I had reached a second round of selections. So I had hopes that my poems might be taken. Then I came home to this SASE.
As I opened the envelope, I could tell the letter inside was long. So my hopes rose higher. But then my eyes fell on the letter's second sentence:
"Although we are unable to use your work..."
It's a very nice rejection letter. It explains the journal's (it was Calyx, if anyone's interested) editorial process, mentioning that the journal is only able to publish 2-3% of the 1000+ submissions it receives each year. And one of the editors took time to write a personal note at the bottom. She said they really liked my poems, one in particular. "Keep working on the ending," she wrote. "It didn't quite work for us."
It was funny reading that. I really appreciate that this editor took the time to write a personal note. It struck me as a bit workshoppish to say that that the ending "didn't work" for them, but I am glad for an honest response. The irony is that the ending of the poem she was talking about never quite worked for me either. I changed it during the manuscript class I took. It's different now.
Oh well. It was a bummer and I was/am disappointed. But I remembered Sarah Vap's answer about her relationship to rejection: warm, tender, long. As a writer, I certainly expect to have a long relationship with rejection, but it's interesting to think of having a warm and tender one. I was thinking this morning about what she meant by that answer. To me, it must mean to love the process of writing and sharing regardless of the response you receive, and to love your readers regardless of their responses. And maybe above all to love your writing and your writing self regardless of whether your work is "accepted" on any number of levels, literary or otherwise.
Good food for thought for any artist. And as someone who just sent off a manuscript to some very slim-chance contests, I should keep all of this in mind.
I was reading this interview with Sarah Vap from The Southeast Review and I was struck by one of the questions:
Q: What is your relationship with rejection like?
And her answer:
A: Warm. Tender. Long.
I thought this was such a strange question until I remembered that a writer was asking the questions and another writer was answering--they were speaking about writing being rejected. These questions and answers came to mind yesterday when we returned from our trip to NC to a large stack of mail. One of the envelopes was a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
When you send off your poems to journals, you include a self-addressed stamped envelope. This allows the journal to reply to you efficiently and at no cost to them. Until I actually had a poem accepted somewhere, I figured if your poem was taken, they would write to you with a real envelope. But no, they still just use the one you sent. So when you see an SASE in the mail, if you're me, you know you've gotten an answer about your poems.
I sent off a bunch of poems in October. That's October 2010, eight months ago. Until yesterday, I hadn't heard from two journals from that round of submissions. Well, that's not quite true--I had heard from both that I had reached a second round of selections. So I had hopes that my poems might be taken. Then I came home to this SASE.
As I opened the envelope, I could tell the letter inside was long. So my hopes rose higher. But then my eyes fell on the letter's second sentence:
"Although we are unable to use your work..."
It's a very nice rejection letter. It explains the journal's (it was Calyx, if anyone's interested) editorial process, mentioning that the journal is only able to publish 2-3% of the 1000+ submissions it receives each year. And one of the editors took time to write a personal note at the bottom. She said they really liked my poems, one in particular. "Keep working on the ending," she wrote. "It didn't quite work for us."
It was funny reading that. I really appreciate that this editor took the time to write a personal note. It struck me as a bit workshoppish to say that that the ending "didn't work" for them, but I am glad for an honest response. The irony is that the ending of the poem she was talking about never quite worked for me either. I changed it during the manuscript class I took. It's different now.
Oh well. It was a bummer and I was/am disappointed. But I remembered Sarah Vap's answer about her relationship to rejection: warm, tender, long. As a writer, I certainly expect to have a long relationship with rejection, but it's interesting to think of having a warm and tender one. I was thinking this morning about what she meant by that answer. To me, it must mean to love the process of writing and sharing regardless of the response you receive, and to love your readers regardless of their responses. And maybe above all to love your writing and your writing self regardless of whether your work is "accepted" on any number of levels, literary or otherwise.
Good food for thought for any artist. And as someone who just sent off a manuscript to some very slim-chance contests, I should keep all of this in mind.
Monday, May 30, 2011
June
On New Year's Day, I took a yoga/art workshop dedicated to setting intentions for the new year. After a yoga flow session, students made collages that depicted goals or hopes for 2011.
Each participant was given a square of poster paper. There were plenty of magazines, markers, crayons, pastels, glue, glitter, feathers, old calendars, postcards, and who knows what else to go around. The room had the feel of an elementary school art classroom, happy with chatter and creation. I, however, had a hard time getting started.
For one thing, I went through a collage phase in college (ha! no near pun intended) and I wasn't in the mood to cut and paste. I had, though, come to the workshop with some vague intentions in mind, as well as a deep belief in the power of setting intentions. In 2009, I went to a similar New Year's Day workshop in DC. In that one, we wrote letters to ourselves, to be mailed to us by the instructor in 6 months, that described our lives 6 months later. The idea was to describe in present tense the life that you wanted to be living 6 months later. That year, Dean and I had just decided to have a baby and I was sending off poems to journals, but so far had only received rejections. In my letter to myself, I was pregnant and holding the journal that held my first published poem. When I found the letter in my mailbox in late June, I was 5 months pregnant. The journal that contained my first published poem was on my bookshelf, within easy reach.
Because of one of 2009's attained set intentions--guess which one--I couldn't make it to a New Year's Day workshop in 2010. But I did in 2011, and I knew I wanted a year of change. First and foremost, I wanted more sleep. I wanted more time for yoga, more time for writing, and more time for myself in general. I knew I was going to wean sometime in 2011, and I knew I was going to think about looking for work in the fall. In general, I was hoping that 2011 would be a year of finding footing in the world of motherhood, of making room in my life for the things that had defined me before Amelia came along and became the center of my universe.
In the weeks before the 2011 workshop, I had been writing a prose poem about Amelia's birth. Some lines from the poem were floating through my head. I decided to write/rewrite the poem on my poster paper. First I cut into into a more oval shape. Think O'Keefe flowers--I was writing about birth here. And then I wrote the poem in the same oval shape. On top of it all, I wrote the a word in large block letters. I colored in some of the letters and pasted paper over others. The word was EVOLVE.
June is a rich month, sun and flowers and early summer harvest. It is the month I was married. It is the sixth month of the year, a halfway point, the perfect time to pause and consider or reconsider intentions for the year.
My plan for June is to write one blog post a day. I don't have any particular theme in mind for the posts--I won't always be writing about setting intentions, although this did seem like a good place to start--it's just that I have finished up some fairly major projects in May, not least of which was finishing my poetry manuscript and sending it off to several contests, and I would like to get back to the blog for awhile.
I have some other goals in mind too. In June, I want to
1. Drink more water. I realized I go through the day feeling thirsty a lot. (A note to Mom: I don't think it's diabetes.) I think I'm just thirsty. Denver is dry and I am busy.
2. Read more. My plan for Amelia's naptimes in June are to write on the blog and then read. I want to read both poetry and fiction. I started a Goodreads account a couple of years ago I would like to get back to too.
3. And with #2 in mind, I am setting a cleaning limit for myself in June. I have been feeling like I fritter away too much time straightening the house. It becomes a creative block, almost, a way for me to avoid sitting down to write. So in June, I am allowed to straighten up after breakfast and to do whatever chores seem most urgent for 10 minutes, and only 10 minutes, after Amelia goes down for her nap. I am going to set the timer. If Amelia happens to be entertaining herself throughout the day, I can do small things then too, but that's pretty hit or miss.
And forth, I would like to exercise more. I have been going to yoga much more often and even running, although that's more sporadic. In June I am going to try to do one or the other every day.
It will be interesting to see how this goes, since I often don't feel like writing until everything is neat. And the truth is I really hate running. On top of all that, we are spending most of June 1st on a plane. So we'll see.
In the manuscript class I just finished, the instructor talked a lot about closure, about the importance of finishing a project, even if it wasn't as perfect as you'd hoped. The great thing about letting something go, he said, is that you get to see what you're going to do next. The month of May was for me a definite time of closure--I sent the manuscript off, I weaned Amelia--so I feel that this summer is a kind of beginning. All this reminds of some lines from a poem by T.S. Eliot:
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
Beginning or end, I am excited to see what happens next.
Each participant was given a square of poster paper. There were plenty of magazines, markers, crayons, pastels, glue, glitter, feathers, old calendars, postcards, and who knows what else to go around. The room had the feel of an elementary school art classroom, happy with chatter and creation. I, however, had a hard time getting started.
For one thing, I went through a collage phase in college (ha! no near pun intended) and I wasn't in the mood to cut and paste. I had, though, come to the workshop with some vague intentions in mind, as well as a deep belief in the power of setting intentions. In 2009, I went to a similar New Year's Day workshop in DC. In that one, we wrote letters to ourselves, to be mailed to us by the instructor in 6 months, that described our lives 6 months later. The idea was to describe in present tense the life that you wanted to be living 6 months later. That year, Dean and I had just decided to have a baby and I was sending off poems to journals, but so far had only received rejections. In my letter to myself, I was pregnant and holding the journal that held my first published poem. When I found the letter in my mailbox in late June, I was 5 months pregnant. The journal that contained my first published poem was on my bookshelf, within easy reach.
Because of one of 2009's attained set intentions--guess which one--I couldn't make it to a New Year's Day workshop in 2010. But I did in 2011, and I knew I wanted a year of change. First and foremost, I wanted more sleep. I wanted more time for yoga, more time for writing, and more time for myself in general. I knew I was going to wean sometime in 2011, and I knew I was going to think about looking for work in the fall. In general, I was hoping that 2011 would be a year of finding footing in the world of motherhood, of making room in my life for the things that had defined me before Amelia came along and became the center of my universe.
In the weeks before the 2011 workshop, I had been writing a prose poem about Amelia's birth. Some lines from the poem were floating through my head. I decided to write/rewrite the poem on my poster paper. First I cut into into a more oval shape. Think O'Keefe flowers--I was writing about birth here. And then I wrote the poem in the same oval shape. On top of it all, I wrote the a word in large block letters. I colored in some of the letters and pasted paper over others. The word was EVOLVE.
June is a rich month, sun and flowers and early summer harvest. It is the month I was married. It is the sixth month of the year, a halfway point, the perfect time to pause and consider or reconsider intentions for the year.
My plan for June is to write one blog post a day. I don't have any particular theme in mind for the posts--I won't always be writing about setting intentions, although this did seem like a good place to start--it's just that I have finished up some fairly major projects in May, not least of which was finishing my poetry manuscript and sending it off to several contests, and I would like to get back to the blog for awhile.
I have some other goals in mind too. In June, I want to
1. Drink more water. I realized I go through the day feeling thirsty a lot. (A note to Mom: I don't think it's diabetes.) I think I'm just thirsty. Denver is dry and I am busy.
2. Read more. My plan for Amelia's naptimes in June are to write on the blog and then read. I want to read both poetry and fiction. I started a Goodreads account a couple of years ago I would like to get back to too.
3. And with #2 in mind, I am setting a cleaning limit for myself in June. I have been feeling like I fritter away too much time straightening the house. It becomes a creative block, almost, a way for me to avoid sitting down to write. So in June, I am allowed to straighten up after breakfast and to do whatever chores seem most urgent for 10 minutes, and only 10 minutes, after Amelia goes down for her nap. I am going to set the timer. If Amelia happens to be entertaining herself throughout the day, I can do small things then too, but that's pretty hit or miss.
And forth, I would like to exercise more. I have been going to yoga much more often and even running, although that's more sporadic. In June I am going to try to do one or the other every day.
It will be interesting to see how this goes, since I often don't feel like writing until everything is neat. And the truth is I really hate running. On top of all that, we are spending most of June 1st on a plane. So we'll see.
In the manuscript class I just finished, the instructor talked a lot about closure, about the importance of finishing a project, even if it wasn't as perfect as you'd hoped. The great thing about letting something go, he said, is that you get to see what you're going to do next. The month of May was for me a definite time of closure--I sent the manuscript off, I weaned Amelia--so I feel that this summer is a kind of beginning. All this reminds of some lines from a poem by T.S. Eliot:
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
Beginning or end, I am excited to see what happens next.
Friday, May 20, 2011
19 Facts for 19 Months
1. 19 months has been a lot of fun! I somehow never imagined Amelia being older than 18 months. 18 months was a big milestone in my mind, a sort of "I've made it this far so I think I'm gonna make it!" I remember holding 3- or 4-month old Baby A, enviously staring at parents with 18-month-olds. So when Amelia turned 19 months old, it was kind of a shock: it keeps going after this? Maybe because I truly had no expectations, I have been pleasantly surprised.
Part of that is because 2. Amelia is talking more and more. With talking comes communicating, so it's easier to figure out what she wants and doesn't want. Also, it's hilarious. She repeats tons of what we say, including, this morning, "suck it." In context, it was fine--she found one of those mesh baby teether things and I was telling her what to do with it: "You suck it." She spent the next hour saying, "Suck it! Suck it!" Then she stopped. I am hoping she has forgotten it.
3. Other, less disturbing things she says:
"Momma Epyoo" (Momma help you.) She says this when she wants me to help her.
"Naken" (Naked). She loves to be naked. She needs Momma Epyoo to undress, though.
"Peekaboo!" It's adorable. She actually memorized a little peekaboo book, Peek-a-who, from the library. She has also done a few short sentences: "Momma comin'?" "Daddy doin'?" She makes it clear to us that we drop our "g's."
4. Amelia loves her extended family, and talks about them all the time. If we talk about what we are doing, she lists all of her family members and we have to say what they are all doing at that moment.
5. Amelia loves to sing. We also have to include all family members' names in one of her favorites songs, Raffi's Willougby Wallaby Woo. Other favorites songs include Raffi's song about going to the zoo, the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Old MacDonald.
6. We really are weaned. It really is done. Overall, it has been easier than I thought. Amelia asks for "mik" fewer times each day, and yesterday she seemed to do it almost as a joke. She drinks a lot more other liquids, which makes sense. She likes juice of all kinds, regular milk, and "chocate mik" (which is really chocolate soymilk, mostly for the sake of variety).
7. Amelia still snuggles! She likes to hug, to sit in my lap, or to play a games where she pushes me over and falls on me. And the last couple of naps, she has let me rock her to sleep! This is a huge improvement over crying for 10 minutes each and every naptime. I do think sometimes kids just have to cry themselves to sleep--or Amelia does anyway--but I just cannot take it at naptime.
8. These days Amelia is napping around 12-2, give or take 15-20 minutes on either side. It's predictable, for now, which probably adds to my general enjoyment of the days.
9. And we have a pretty set little routine, something I also enjoy. Amelia wakes up between 5 and 6 (sometimes before 5, yikes, but less and less). She likes to play upstairs for a while, then come down and have something to eat and drink. If it's cool and the heat is on, she likes to sit on the big heating vent in our living room and eat her snack. There are fairly large holes in the vent. Sometimes, from the kitchen, I can hear her muttering "too big, too big" or calling "Uh oh!" I have removed a wide variety of items from the vent, but luckily there is a flat place under the vent to catch anything that happens to fall. This is not the best toddler habit but I have decided that for now it is not a battle I want to fight. And it buys me time to clean up the kitchen.
After Dean leaves for work, Amelia and I play downstairs for awhile and read some books. Then we go upstairs and I take a shower while she plays in the bathroom. I take some toys in there to entertain her or she looks at the toiletries in the various baskets I have. (All babyproofed.) This week, she discovered a drawer that contained tampons and has been having a great time dissecting them. Again: it buys some time.
Then we get dressed, a long process, since sometime in the morning Amelia usually become naken. I try to brush her teeth, and once we are ready, we leave the house. On Mondays we go to the grocery store, and other days we go to the Children's Museum or some other fun place, or run other errands, or if it's nice, go to the park. I try to have her home by 11, and we have lunch. Then she messes around till noon while I half play with her, half straighten up. We read some more books, then nap.
After her nap she likes to play with animals in her crib for awhile, and then we usually try to get out of the house again. Amelia is much more grouchy about being in her car seat in the afternoons, so I don't like to go anywhere too far. My favorite thing is to just spend the afternoon in the park, but we haven't been able to do that much lately. Apparently of the 65 non-sunny days a year Denver supposedly has, 31 are in May. So afternoons this week have been challenging.
Anyway, Dean gets home around 5:15, and we all play/work in the yard, or I go to yoga (!; see below). Amelia tends to be hungry for dinner early, between 4:45 and 5:30. We feed her, then she plays till bathtime and goes to bed between 7 and 7:30.
The days are mostly very good.
10. One of my Mother's Day presents was an unlimited summer yoga pass. I picked it out myself. It lasts through July and I have been going to yoga as much as I can. I go in the evenings to a 6-7:15 class. It gives Dean and Amelia time to play and do the bath-bed routine. We have found that when I am in the house, she is much fussier about having me be right with her. If I go to "cass," she might be a little upset when I leave but quickly gets over it and everyone has a pleasant evening, especially Momma. I love going to yoga. May has been a bit more sporadic than I planned, but I have made it to at least 2 classes a week. I am hoping to go more even more often in June.
11. Teething: Amelia is getting her canine teeth. This has truly seemed to last forever, and they seem to bother her a lot more than most of her other teeth. She has drooled, run a low fever, and gnawed on her fingers a lot over the past two months at least. It has gotten so that when she gets too fussy, I just get out the Orajel. I will be glad when the teeth are finally in.
12. In other toddler behavior news, I should touch on eating and sleeping if only for the record. Amelia's eating remains very toddler-esque: she will eat like a horse for a few days, making her mother very happy, and then seem to eat almost nothing for a day or two or more. Highlights of the eating times have been berries of all types, a return to chickpeas, and tiny broccoli florets--raw. Discovering that she liked broccoli was an accident. I gave her a crown of broccoli to hold in the grocery store and she started chewing on it. She is definitely a grazer. Her favorite snacks are salty, crunchy ones like pretzels, crackers and Veggie Straws.
13. My most hated baby-related chore--and I have thought this through--is changing crib sheets. It's terrible! The sheets are super tight and they get caught up in the bumper pad and it takes forever and I think I pull a muscle every time I do it, which is often because Amelia spends so much time lolling in the sand in the park.
14. We are not exactly potty training, but we now own 2 training potties, one that sits on the floor and one that sits on the big potty. Amelia likes to take apart or fill with toys the one on the floor but other than that has no interest in using them. But since she is naken so much she is becoming more aware of when she needs to use the bathroom. She says "pee-pee" for both pee and poop, then proceeds to go on the floor. It seems to upset her so I try to be very upbeat and encouraging about it:
Me: Pee on the floor! That's great! Let's get a towel!
Amelia: (standing naked in a pool pf pee, looking upset) Momma epyoo! Towel!
15. Our garden is planted and growing. I owe you an entire garden-related post, but we (and by we I mean Dean) have planted tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, blueberries, asparagus, peas, radishes, and flowers, and squash and beans will be planted soon. Our fingers are crossed.
16. I love my Denver friends. The playgroup has really gelled, and I spend a lot of time with my neighbor and her daughter. It makes living here so much easier.
17. I still clean too much. I am trying to cut back, I swear.
18. How many ambulance rides have you taken in your life? Because Amelia has now had two. Last week, she fell out of her wagon and hit her head. She cried inconsolably for over 10 minutes, then got sleepy, so Dean called 911. Luckily, by the time the paramedics got here, she was much better. They took her to the ER just in case. The doctors all thought she was fine but watched her for 2 hours (in hospital time, if was just over 3). We were super relieved. It was terrifying while it lasted--one of those times that reveals to you the fact that your child is your entire world--but I think it says something that I just thought of it here at the end of the post. Um, welcome to parenthood? Just as I felt when she got through the appendix episode, I am deeply thankful that she is all right, still her sunny, funny, lovely self. I would think that Amelia could be finished with ambulance rides now, though. Seriously.
19. This is my 350th post. I am glad blogging is still part of my life. I had a community of blog "friends" long before I had very many real mom friends. I love the blogs I read (and I should say I stole this idea of a listed post from Liz's birthday post on BC), and I love writing posts too. This is the only baby journal I keep, and it is so nice to share Amelia with so many others.
Part of that is because 2. Amelia is talking more and more. With talking comes communicating, so it's easier to figure out what she wants and doesn't want. Also, it's hilarious. She repeats tons of what we say, including, this morning, "suck it." In context, it was fine--she found one of those mesh baby teether things and I was telling her what to do with it: "You suck it." She spent the next hour saying, "Suck it! Suck it!" Then she stopped. I am hoping she has forgotten it.
3. Other, less disturbing things she says:
"Momma Epyoo" (Momma help you.) She says this when she wants me to help her.
"Naken" (Naked). She loves to be naked. She needs Momma Epyoo to undress, though.
"Peekaboo!" It's adorable. She actually memorized a little peekaboo book, Peek-a-who, from the library. She has also done a few short sentences: "Momma comin'?" "Daddy doin'?" She makes it clear to us that we drop our "g's."
4. Amelia loves her extended family, and talks about them all the time. If we talk about what we are doing, she lists all of her family members and we have to say what they are all doing at that moment.
5. Amelia loves to sing. We also have to include all family members' names in one of her favorites songs, Raffi's Willougby Wallaby Woo. Other favorites songs include Raffi's song about going to the zoo, the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Old MacDonald.
6. We really are weaned. It really is done. Overall, it has been easier than I thought. Amelia asks for "mik" fewer times each day, and yesterday she seemed to do it almost as a joke. She drinks a lot more other liquids, which makes sense. She likes juice of all kinds, regular milk, and "chocate mik" (which is really chocolate soymilk, mostly for the sake of variety).
7. Amelia still snuggles! She likes to hug, to sit in my lap, or to play a games where she pushes me over and falls on me. And the last couple of naps, she has let me rock her to sleep! This is a huge improvement over crying for 10 minutes each and every naptime. I do think sometimes kids just have to cry themselves to sleep--or Amelia does anyway--but I just cannot take it at naptime.
8. These days Amelia is napping around 12-2, give or take 15-20 minutes on either side. It's predictable, for now, which probably adds to my general enjoyment of the days.
9. And we have a pretty set little routine, something I also enjoy. Amelia wakes up between 5 and 6 (sometimes before 5, yikes, but less and less). She likes to play upstairs for a while, then come down and have something to eat and drink. If it's cool and the heat is on, she likes to sit on the big heating vent in our living room and eat her snack. There are fairly large holes in the vent. Sometimes, from the kitchen, I can hear her muttering "too big, too big" or calling "Uh oh!" I have removed a wide variety of items from the vent, but luckily there is a flat place under the vent to catch anything that happens to fall. This is not the best toddler habit but I have decided that for now it is not a battle I want to fight. And it buys me time to clean up the kitchen.
After Dean leaves for work, Amelia and I play downstairs for awhile and read some books. Then we go upstairs and I take a shower while she plays in the bathroom. I take some toys in there to entertain her or she looks at the toiletries in the various baskets I have. (All babyproofed.) This week, she discovered a drawer that contained tampons and has been having a great time dissecting them. Again: it buys some time.
Then we get dressed, a long process, since sometime in the morning Amelia usually become naken. I try to brush her teeth, and once we are ready, we leave the house. On Mondays we go to the grocery store, and other days we go to the Children's Museum or some other fun place, or run other errands, or if it's nice, go to the park. I try to have her home by 11, and we have lunch. Then she messes around till noon while I half play with her, half straighten up. We read some more books, then nap.
After her nap she likes to play with animals in her crib for awhile, and then we usually try to get out of the house again. Amelia is much more grouchy about being in her car seat in the afternoons, so I don't like to go anywhere too far. My favorite thing is to just spend the afternoon in the park, but we haven't been able to do that much lately. Apparently of the 65 non-sunny days a year Denver supposedly has, 31 are in May. So afternoons this week have been challenging.
Anyway, Dean gets home around 5:15, and we all play/work in the yard, or I go to yoga (!; see below). Amelia tends to be hungry for dinner early, between 4:45 and 5:30. We feed her, then she plays till bathtime and goes to bed between 7 and 7:30.
The days are mostly very good.
10. One of my Mother's Day presents was an unlimited summer yoga pass. I picked it out myself. It lasts through July and I have been going to yoga as much as I can. I go in the evenings to a 6-7:15 class. It gives Dean and Amelia time to play and do the bath-bed routine. We have found that when I am in the house, she is much fussier about having me be right with her. If I go to "cass," she might be a little upset when I leave but quickly gets over it and everyone has a pleasant evening, especially Momma. I love going to yoga. May has been a bit more sporadic than I planned, but I have made it to at least 2 classes a week. I am hoping to go more even more often in June.
11. Teething: Amelia is getting her canine teeth. This has truly seemed to last forever, and they seem to bother her a lot more than most of her other teeth. She has drooled, run a low fever, and gnawed on her fingers a lot over the past two months at least. It has gotten so that when she gets too fussy, I just get out the Orajel. I will be glad when the teeth are finally in.
12. In other toddler behavior news, I should touch on eating and sleeping if only for the record. Amelia's eating remains very toddler-esque: she will eat like a horse for a few days, making her mother very happy, and then seem to eat almost nothing for a day or two or more. Highlights of the eating times have been berries of all types, a return to chickpeas, and tiny broccoli florets--raw. Discovering that she liked broccoli was an accident. I gave her a crown of broccoli to hold in the grocery store and she started chewing on it. She is definitely a grazer. Her favorite snacks are salty, crunchy ones like pretzels, crackers and Veggie Straws.
13. My most hated baby-related chore--and I have thought this through--is changing crib sheets. It's terrible! The sheets are super tight and they get caught up in the bumper pad and it takes forever and I think I pull a muscle every time I do it, which is often because Amelia spends so much time lolling in the sand in the park.
14. We are not exactly potty training, but we now own 2 training potties, one that sits on the floor and one that sits on the big potty. Amelia likes to take apart or fill with toys the one on the floor but other than that has no interest in using them. But since she is naken so much she is becoming more aware of when she needs to use the bathroom. She says "pee-pee" for both pee and poop, then proceeds to go on the floor. It seems to upset her so I try to be very upbeat and encouraging about it:
Me: Pee on the floor! That's great! Let's get a towel!
Amelia: (standing naked in a pool pf pee, looking upset) Momma epyoo! Towel!
15. Our garden is planted and growing. I owe you an entire garden-related post, but we (and by we I mean Dean) have planted tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, blueberries, asparagus, peas, radishes, and flowers, and squash and beans will be planted soon. Our fingers are crossed.
16. I love my Denver friends. The playgroup has really gelled, and I spend a lot of time with my neighbor and her daughter. It makes living here so much easier.
17. I still clean too much. I am trying to cut back, I swear.
18. How many ambulance rides have you taken in your life? Because Amelia has now had two. Last week, she fell out of her wagon and hit her head. She cried inconsolably for over 10 minutes, then got sleepy, so Dean called 911. Luckily, by the time the paramedics got here, she was much better. They took her to the ER just in case. The doctors all thought she was fine but watched her for 2 hours (in hospital time, if was just over 3). We were super relieved. It was terrifying while it lasted--one of those times that reveals to you the fact that your child is your entire world--but I think it says something that I just thought of it here at the end of the post. Um, welcome to parenthood? Just as I felt when she got through the appendix episode, I am deeply thankful that she is all right, still her sunny, funny, lovely self. I would think that Amelia could be finished with ambulance rides now, though. Seriously.
19. This is my 350th post. I am glad blogging is still part of my life. I had a community of blog "friends" long before I had very many real mom friends. I love the blogs I read (and I should say I stole this idea of a listed post from Liz's birthday post on BC), and I love writing posts too. This is the only baby journal I keep, and it is so nice to share Amelia with so many others.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
It's Done
You may have been wondering how my plan for weaning has been going.
Like many things that have to do with babies, for awhile it was one step forward, two steps back. I actually got Amelia down to nursing four times (not "sessions," as I had named her constant nursing in my last post on this subject) a day: first thing in the morning, before nap, after nap, and around 5. If she asked or tried to nurse at a different time, I could distract her pretty easily with a snack (dill pickles have been a favorite, if strange, substitute) or drink (chocolate milk, a juice box). Or I could just tell her no. In the afternoon, I would say "Not till 5:00!" It got to where almost any time I held her off, she would agreeably say, "Five!"
But once I got there, I decided to stay for awhile. It was easy, comfortable, and convenient. I knew we had a trip to NC coming up in which I would be alone with Amelia on planes and putting her to bed without Dean. The nursing, now that I knew its days really were numbered, was something special rather that something that drove me crazy.
Until.
For whatever reason, Amelia started waking up at least once every night and early, early in the mornings. I was nursing her at night if she woke and early in the mornings to try to get her to go back to sleep. It's like she was sneaking in another nursing session. I was going with it. It didn't bother me. Amelia woke up Friday morning at 3 AM, and I went in to nurse her. I sat in the glider thinking, I really should stop this. But I didn't feel ready. I figured I would know when it was time.
Three hours later, Amelia woke up again. I was very tired because it had taken me a long time to go back to sleep. Dean tried to get up with her but she kept crying "Momma, Momma!" "Milk, milk"! (Actually it sounds more like "Mik! Mik!") He brought her to me and she was doing this very strange thing with her teeth that was sort of painful. (I think she's teething.) And she kept latching off and latching back on. Then she put her Giraffe lovey up to my boob and said, "Num num num." And I thought, "It's time."
I didn't nurse her at all the rest of Friday. For nap time (oh yeah, since NC I was nursing her to sleep at nap time again because oh, it was so wonderfully EASY) I put her in the crib and sang and rubbed her belly till she fell asleep. When she asked for "mik" I told her that we were going to be saying bye-bye to milk. She would look skeptical and say, "Five?"
Yesterday morning, Saturday, I nursed Amelia for the last time.
I felt like I was saying bye-bye not only to mik but also to my baby. Toddlers are not known for sitting still and snuggling, which is another reason I was holding on to breastfeeding. Amelia curled around me,totally relaxed, her head nestled in the crook of my arm. She was calm and peaceful, nursing rather slowly. She let me rub her little tummy and touch all of her fingers. I think she might have known it was the last time too. She lingered.
And then, all of a sudden, it was over. Dean was getting out of the shower, and Amelia heard the water go off. She jumped up and said "Towel!" (She likes to hand us our towels.) She got down from the bed by herself ("Self! Self!") and she was gone.
I have to admit, I cried, but just a little. It really is time.
I have a gmail account that I got when I started this blog, but I really don't use it. It's somehow connected to my phone, though, and I had to get my phone reset because it wasn't working. They told me I might need to get my saved phone numbers and pictures through my gmail account. When I signed in, I saw that I had 1,443 unread messages. They are all from astrology.com. Apparently, about 1443 days ago I signed up for a daily horoscope and used the gmail address. When I saw all the messages, I thought that surely 1443 unread horoscopes would make a good subject for a poem. This morning, I remembered them and opened the message for today:
Forget caution, discretion, and waiting for the best time to act. You're all done, and it's time to let that fact be known.
Bye-bye, mik. I am deeply thankful you could serve us so well.
Like many things that have to do with babies, for awhile it was one step forward, two steps back. I actually got Amelia down to nursing four times (not "sessions," as I had named her constant nursing in my last post on this subject) a day: first thing in the morning, before nap, after nap, and around 5. If she asked or tried to nurse at a different time, I could distract her pretty easily with a snack (dill pickles have been a favorite, if strange, substitute) or drink (chocolate milk, a juice box). Or I could just tell her no. In the afternoon, I would say "Not till 5:00!" It got to where almost any time I held her off, she would agreeably say, "Five!"
But once I got there, I decided to stay for awhile. It was easy, comfortable, and convenient. I knew we had a trip to NC coming up in which I would be alone with Amelia on planes and putting her to bed without Dean. The nursing, now that I knew its days really were numbered, was something special rather that something that drove me crazy.
Until.
For whatever reason, Amelia started waking up at least once every night and early, early in the mornings. I was nursing her at night if she woke and early in the mornings to try to get her to go back to sleep. It's like she was sneaking in another nursing session. I was going with it. It didn't bother me. Amelia woke up Friday morning at 3 AM, and I went in to nurse her. I sat in the glider thinking, I really should stop this. But I didn't feel ready. I figured I would know when it was time.
Three hours later, Amelia woke up again. I was very tired because it had taken me a long time to go back to sleep. Dean tried to get up with her but she kept crying "Momma, Momma!" "Milk, milk"! (Actually it sounds more like "Mik! Mik!") He brought her to me and she was doing this very strange thing with her teeth that was sort of painful. (I think she's teething.) And she kept latching off and latching back on. Then she put her Giraffe lovey up to my boob and said, "Num num num." And I thought, "It's time."
I didn't nurse her at all the rest of Friday. For nap time (oh yeah, since NC I was nursing her to sleep at nap time again because oh, it was so wonderfully EASY) I put her in the crib and sang and rubbed her belly till she fell asleep. When she asked for "mik" I told her that we were going to be saying bye-bye to milk. She would look skeptical and say, "Five?"
Yesterday morning, Saturday, I nursed Amelia for the last time.
I felt like I was saying bye-bye not only to mik but also to my baby. Toddlers are not known for sitting still and snuggling, which is another reason I was holding on to breastfeeding. Amelia curled around me,totally relaxed, her head nestled in the crook of my arm. She was calm and peaceful, nursing rather slowly. She let me rub her little tummy and touch all of her fingers. I think she might have known it was the last time too. She lingered.
And then, all of a sudden, it was over. Dean was getting out of the shower, and Amelia heard the water go off. She jumped up and said "Towel!" (She likes to hand us our towels.) She got down from the bed by herself ("Self! Self!") and she was gone.
I have to admit, I cried, but just a little. It really is time.
I have a gmail account that I got when I started this blog, but I really don't use it. It's somehow connected to my phone, though, and I had to get my phone reset because it wasn't working. They told me I might need to get my saved phone numbers and pictures through my gmail account. When I signed in, I saw that I had 1,443 unread messages. They are all from astrology.com. Apparently, about 1443 days ago I signed up for a daily horoscope and used the gmail address. When I saw all the messages, I thought that surely 1443 unread horoscopes would make a good subject for a poem. This morning, I remembered them and opened the message for today:
Forget caution, discretion, and waiting for the best time to act. You're all done, and it's time to let that fact be known.
Bye-bye, mik. I am deeply thankful you could serve us so well.
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