Do you know that rhyme? Amelia has no curls, but I just wanted to write a quick post about the fact that when Amelia and I have a good day, it is a very good day!
I spent most of yesterday in a state of worry about some new and mystifying toddler behavior from Amelia. Tantrums, fits, etc. Somehow it seems like every time I think I've gotten the hang of this motherhood thing, something changes.
Anyway, after a nice talk with my mom, lunch with Dean, and the afternoon at the Children's Museum, yesterday turned out fine. And today was great! It was sunny (albeit terribly windy) and Amelia slept till (gasp) 7:15. We had breakfast--Amelia ate 2 scrambled eggs--and went on a walk, then a wagon ride, then to toddler yoga. We came home, spent an hour pushing the baby stroller and grocery cart, then Amelia napped. We spent the afternoon at the park, and the evening Skyping with grandparents. Bathtime was pleasant and bedtime was super smooth! No real crying at all. Now Dean is picking up Thai takeout and I am having a glass of wine, enjoying the peace.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tomorrow
is the first day of National Poetry Month! I spent the wee hours of the morning planning my post and came to no decisions.
Anyway, I found 30 Ways to Celebrate on Poets.org. Start planning!
If anyone is still considering being a guest blogger, please let me know! I received a comment with a good question about whether favorite poems can be published on the blog. If they are your poems (as in, you wrote them), and they haven't been published anywhere else, sure! But otherwise, any poems you want to include need to be included through a link. In other words, if you can find them elsewhere on the Internet, we can link to them. But because of possible copyright issues, I don't want to just copy down poems word for word on the blog. If the poem can't be found on the Internet, you can provide title and author information, and of course can cite lines of poems as you would in an essay.
Just a reminder, if you want to write a post, you need to submit a comment with your idea and your email address so I can contact you. I promise not to publish your email address for the whole Internet to see.
In the meantime, happy planning! I am going to spend the rest of Amelia's nap reading some of the 8 books about toddlers I got from the library yesterday. I think I just wrote last week that having a toddler was easier than having a baby... the universe is chuckling at me now.
Anyway, I found 30 Ways to Celebrate on Poets.org. Start planning!
If anyone is still considering being a guest blogger, please let me know! I received a comment with a good question about whether favorite poems can be published on the blog. If they are your poems (as in, you wrote them), and they haven't been published anywhere else, sure! But otherwise, any poems you want to include need to be included through a link. In other words, if you can find them elsewhere on the Internet, we can link to them. But because of possible copyright issues, I don't want to just copy down poems word for word on the blog. If the poem can't be found on the Internet, you can provide title and author information, and of course can cite lines of poems as you would in an essay.
Just a reminder, if you want to write a post, you need to submit a comment with your idea and your email address so I can contact you. I promise not to publish your email address for the whole Internet to see.
In the meantime, happy planning! I am going to spend the rest of Amelia's nap reading some of the 8 books about toddlers I got from the library yesterday. I think I just wrote last week that having a toddler was easier than having a baby... the universe is chuckling at me now.
A Tisket, A Tasket...(again)
This was Amelia almost exactly a year ago:
And this was Amelia yesterday.
And this was Amelia yesterday.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
National Poetry Month: A Call for Writers
April is National Poetry Month. A couple of weeks ago, I had this great idea. I was going to write a poetry-post a day, one every day in April. I planned to write about poems and poets I love, poems and poets that have influenced me as a writer. I even made a spreadsheet with dates and ideas.
But. If you have read this blog long enough, you will remember other great ideas I have had where I was going to a a certain number of posts about certain things. And most of those posts did not happen. (I blame Amelia.) So I came down to earth a little bit. I will simply say this: during April, National Poetry Month, I will write some posts about poetry.
I want there to be as many posts as possible, though, so I want to invite you to write a post of your own. Yes, you, reading this blog right now. Will you be a guest blogger? Will you write a post about poetry for National Poetry Month?
Maybe there is one poem you always remember, one that sticks with you. You could write about that poem and why it means so much. Maybe there is a teacher who introduced you to poetry you could celebrate. Maybe you have taught poetry or read poetry to kids and want to share that experience. Maybe you write poems of your own. You could share the poems here, or write about how or why you write. Maybe you study poetry and have something specific you would like to share with a wider audience. Heck, maybe you hate poetry and want to say why. I would like to invite any and all readers to share any and all thoughts about poetry here during National Poetry Month.
If you are willing go be a guest blogger, let me know. If you know me, you can email me or call. If you don't, leave a comment here with your email address, what you would like to write, and what week in April (the first, second, third, or fourth) you would like to send me your post. I won't publish these comments, but I will get back to you to confirm your post date and answer any questions you might have.
I am excited to spend a month thinking more about poetry, and I hope you can help!
But. If you have read this blog long enough, you will remember other great ideas I have had where I was going to a a certain number of posts about certain things. And most of those posts did not happen. (I blame Amelia.) So I came down to earth a little bit. I will simply say this: during April, National Poetry Month, I will write some posts about poetry.
I want there to be as many posts as possible, though, so I want to invite you to write a post of your own. Yes, you, reading this blog right now. Will you be a guest blogger? Will you write a post about poetry for National Poetry Month?
Maybe there is one poem you always remember, one that sticks with you. You could write about that poem and why it means so much. Maybe there is a teacher who introduced you to poetry you could celebrate. Maybe you have taught poetry or read poetry to kids and want to share that experience. Maybe you write poems of your own. You could share the poems here, or write about how or why you write. Maybe you study poetry and have something specific you would like to share with a wider audience. Heck, maybe you hate poetry and want to say why. I would like to invite any and all readers to share any and all thoughts about poetry here during National Poetry Month.
If you are willing go be a guest blogger, let me know. If you know me, you can email me or call. If you don't, leave a comment here with your email address, what you would like to write, and what week in April (the first, second, third, or fourth) you would like to send me your post. I won't publish these comments, but I will get back to you to confirm your post date and answer any questions you might have.
I am excited to spend a month thinking more about poetry, and I hope you can help!
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Plan
I have decided to wean. I even have a plan.
I am not sure what made me finally make this decision. I guess it's a combination of things. First, Amelia has a lot more teeth these days. Enough said there. Also, she is in stage of huge attachment to me. Sometimes I think she is more clingy and whiny just because I am around. I am starting to feel like nursing is just a habit for her, and one that is not always serving her well. And she is almost 18 months old, which is how old both I and my sister were when my mom weaned us, so 18 months has always seemed like a good age to wean to me because of that.
Not to say I am not conflicted. A couple of weeks ago, I checked out a bunch of books from the library with titles like Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens. Turns out all of the books were published by La Leche League. They did offer some good tips-- ways to distract a child from nursing, for example, and the fact that if you're not going to nurse, you are going to need to pay a lot of extra attention to your child--but overall the message from the books is that kids wean themselves when they are ready. Usually by age 4 at the latest. As in four. Years. Old.
Part of me--the part that really wanted to do yoga during labor, to give birth at home, to fire my male OB for a bescarved and tattooed midwife--still really wants to let Amelia wean herself. However, the part of that decided to stick with the male OB and give birth at a hospital strongly suspects that Amelia is one of those kids who would happily breastfeed till she is 4. Or 5. Or older. And that part of me has no interest in breastfeeding that long.
My plan is this. Yesterday, I cut off the nursing during naptime (again). I figure this would be hard but still maybe one of the easiest times to cut out because if Amelia is sleepy, she will eventually go to sleep. I told Amelia that we weren't going to have milk at naptime. She understood. She even said "no mama" as I was changing her diaper. I said, "Yes, you still have mama, just no milk!" and tickled her. She laughed. I kept doing that for a minute. It was funny. When it was time to put her down, we put some dolls and stuffed animals in her crib in case she was not sleepy right away. She looked interested. Then I sat in the glider and rocked her and sang. She snuggled and listened for about 2 seconds and then tried to nurse. "No milk at naptime," I said. I offered her water. She refused it. She cried. Angrily. I tried to rock her and sing, but she was having none of it. So I put her in the crib with the water.
She cried. Loudly and angrily.
Since Dean was home, he went up to sing to her like he does at bedtime. She cried. She was mad. But as soon as he left the room she went to sleep.
I, however, cried for quite awhile. In the meantime I was reading _Unbuttoned_, and in one essay about weaning, the author mentioned a study somewhere that asked older children who nursed about breastmilk. They said it was better than ice cream, better than cookies. Something about that made me cry and cry. I want Amelia to be happy and healthy. What if weaning is traumatic for her?
But, she woke up. She was fine. She ate Veggie Straws while sitting on my lap--actually, that could be called the first nursing session to go, the post-nap session, since the day I got some Veggie Straws for myself to eat while Amelia nursed after her nap. She snuggled in to nurse, looked at my snack, then sat up and took my bowl. And today at naptime, she only cried for about 3 minutes, then went to sleep. She is still sleeping.
To get back to the plan: although Amelia has never had an exact number of feedings a day, I have divided the day by feeding "sessions". There is first thing in the morning. The rest of the morning. Pre-nap (that's the one that's out this week). Afternoon. And evening. Each week, I will just say there is no milk right now for one of those sessions. So, if all goes according to plan, we'll be done in... 4 more weeks after this. Maybe sooner. She doesn't always do the evening. I am sure things won't go exactly as I plan. But at least I have a plan.
In my book, I came across another passage that stuck with me. It's in an essay called "Wean" by Catherine Newman. In it, she describes "accidentally" nursing her baby (who is 2 years old) a few weeks after she has weaned. It sums up how I am feeling these days:
I have loved nursing, but I have not cherished every moment of it because, frankly, there has just been too much of it. I savor these last few moments with the baby, the baby who is disappearing even as I hold her.
I am not sure what made me finally make this decision. I guess it's a combination of things. First, Amelia has a lot more teeth these days. Enough said there. Also, she is in stage of huge attachment to me. Sometimes I think she is more clingy and whiny just because I am around. I am starting to feel like nursing is just a habit for her, and one that is not always serving her well. And she is almost 18 months old, which is how old both I and my sister were when my mom weaned us, so 18 months has always seemed like a good age to wean to me because of that.
Not to say I am not conflicted. A couple of weeks ago, I checked out a bunch of books from the library with titles like Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens. Turns out all of the books were published by La Leche League. They did offer some good tips-- ways to distract a child from nursing, for example, and the fact that if you're not going to nurse, you are going to need to pay a lot of extra attention to your child--but overall the message from the books is that kids wean themselves when they are ready. Usually by age 4 at the latest. As in four. Years. Old.
Part of me--the part that really wanted to do yoga during labor, to give birth at home, to fire my male OB for a bescarved and tattooed midwife--still really wants to let Amelia wean herself. However, the part of that decided to stick with the male OB and give birth at a hospital strongly suspects that Amelia is one of those kids who would happily breastfeed till she is 4. Or 5. Or older. And that part of me has no interest in breastfeeding that long.
My plan is this. Yesterday, I cut off the nursing during naptime (again). I figure this would be hard but still maybe one of the easiest times to cut out because if Amelia is sleepy, she will eventually go to sleep. I told Amelia that we weren't going to have milk at naptime. She understood. She even said "no mama" as I was changing her diaper. I said, "Yes, you still have mama, just no milk!" and tickled her. She laughed. I kept doing that for a minute. It was funny. When it was time to put her down, we put some dolls and stuffed animals in her crib in case she was not sleepy right away. She looked interested. Then I sat in the glider and rocked her and sang. She snuggled and listened for about 2 seconds and then tried to nurse. "No milk at naptime," I said. I offered her water. She refused it. She cried. Angrily. I tried to rock her and sing, but she was having none of it. So I put her in the crib with the water.
She cried. Loudly and angrily.
Since Dean was home, he went up to sing to her like he does at bedtime. She cried. She was mad. But as soon as he left the room she went to sleep.
I, however, cried for quite awhile. In the meantime I was reading _Unbuttoned_, and in one essay about weaning, the author mentioned a study somewhere that asked older children who nursed about breastmilk. They said it was better than ice cream, better than cookies. Something about that made me cry and cry. I want Amelia to be happy and healthy. What if weaning is traumatic for her?
But, she woke up. She was fine. She ate Veggie Straws while sitting on my lap--actually, that could be called the first nursing session to go, the post-nap session, since the day I got some Veggie Straws for myself to eat while Amelia nursed after her nap. She snuggled in to nurse, looked at my snack, then sat up and took my bowl. And today at naptime, she only cried for about 3 minutes, then went to sleep. She is still sleeping.
To get back to the plan: although Amelia has never had an exact number of feedings a day, I have divided the day by feeding "sessions". There is first thing in the morning. The rest of the morning. Pre-nap (that's the one that's out this week). Afternoon. And evening. Each week, I will just say there is no milk right now for one of those sessions. So, if all goes according to plan, we'll be done in... 4 more weeks after this. Maybe sooner. She doesn't always do the evening. I am sure things won't go exactly as I plan. But at least I have a plan.
In my book, I came across another passage that stuck with me. It's in an essay called "Wean" by Catherine Newman. In it, she describes "accidentally" nursing her baby (who is 2 years old) a few weeks after she has weaned. It sums up how I am feeling these days:
I have loved nursing, but I have not cherished every moment of it because, frankly, there has just been too much of it. I savor these last few moments with the baby, the baby who is disappearing even as I hold her.
Hurricane
It has been quite a morning. Amelia woke up too early and has been a grouch. Plus she has played with Crispix, Play Dough, all of her toys, and helped me unpack groceries, an activity that entailed pulling everything out of the both the freezer and one cabinet, sampling several of the new items (grapes, cheese, oranges), and taking at least three breaks to read stories.
This is what my house looks like.
Is it just me? Do other people have days like these? Sometimes I wonder what I am doing wrong.
Speaking of weathering storms, we have all survived Amelia's first post-hospital sickness. She got a fever Thursday, first one so low I assumed it was teething and forgot about it, but later in the afternoon, it was around 102. She had no other symptoms so of course I immediately assumed she was at the beginning of another terrible illness. To make a long story short--really, I don't want to relive all the worry--I took her to the doctor Friday. Her doctor, who was never as convinced as the surgeons that Amelia's earlier problems originated with her appendix, drew blood. She wanted to be sure there was not some weird bacterial infection going on. After 4 tense hours waiting for the results, we got them: virus, possible mono. Amelia has had maybe one mild cold all winter, but she is certainly getting her share of Diseases You Didn't Think Toddlers Can Get. However, her pediatrician said that most 5-year-olds have antibodies for mono, meaning they already had it as babies or toddlers but it was never diagnosed. Apparently in younger kids mono passes quickly and is not nearly the problem it is in teens and adults. You can read more about that here. Anyway, they wouldn't know for sure it was mono with more tests, which the doctor said wasn't worth it. Whatever it was, Amelia's fever went away yesterday morning and she seems fine now.
I guess I should spend the rest of her naptime cleaning the house.
This is what my house looks like.
Is it just me? Do other people have days like these? Sometimes I wonder what I am doing wrong.
Speaking of weathering storms, we have all survived Amelia's first post-hospital sickness. She got a fever Thursday, first one so low I assumed it was teething and forgot about it, but later in the afternoon, it was around 102. She had no other symptoms so of course I immediately assumed she was at the beginning of another terrible illness. To make a long story short--really, I don't want to relive all the worry--I took her to the doctor Friday. Her doctor, who was never as convinced as the surgeons that Amelia's earlier problems originated with her appendix, drew blood. She wanted to be sure there was not some weird bacterial infection going on. After 4 tense hours waiting for the results, we got them: virus, possible mono. Amelia has had maybe one mild cold all winter, but she is certainly getting her share of Diseases You Didn't Think Toddlers Can Get. However, her pediatrician said that most 5-year-olds have antibodies for mono, meaning they already had it as babies or toddlers but it was never diagnosed. Apparently in younger kids mono passes quickly and is not nearly the problem it is in teens and adults. You can read more about that here. Anyway, they wouldn't know for sure it was mono with more tests, which the doctor said wasn't worth it. Whatever it was, Amelia's fever went away yesterday morning and she seems fine now.
I guess I should spend the rest of her naptime cleaning the house.
Some people like coffee...
Yesterday morning Amelia wanted to see in the refrigerator. After surveying her options, she chose a jar of mustard. While I was getting her some cereal, she opened the mustard and licked some off the lid. She then paused and said, "More, more."
Thinking she liked the strong flavor but not wanting to squirt mustanrd in a cup for her, I asked her if she wanted a pickle.
Her eyes lit up. She said, "Two!"
Thinking she liked the strong flavor but not wanting to squirt mustanrd in a cup for her, I asked her if she wanted a pickle.
Her eyes lit up. She said, "Two!"
Thursday, March 24, 2011
What's Going On
Time for a good, old-fashioned Amelia update. I'll sprinkle in a few pictures I just downloaded from my cell phone.
She is talking up a storm. She tries to repeat a lot of what we say, so I am trying even harder to eliminate the surprisingly high number of things I say that I would not want her to say. (I am not sure where I picked up such bad language. I'll blame my past students.)
Here are some of Amelia's new words:
fish
fall
up
down
apple
pear
pizza
crackers
two (as in, I want two crackers, two apples, etc. She wants one for each hand.)
Nanny
Luli
Poppa
Guru
Jes
Hea (for Heather) (She says these family names pointing at pictures; don't worry, we are working on the rest of the family but we need to put up more pictures!)
Momma
Daddy
shoes
boots
phone
pla (plate)
bowl
cup
fork
spoo (spoon)
slide
car
wa (wagon)
ride
dough (as in play dough)
star
moon
ca (helicopter)
Suki (or at least Su, she hardly ever says Gee anymore)
gaffe (giraffe)
no (She says no a lot.)
na (This is what it sounds like when she tries to say "another one" or "the other one" when there are two of things and she wants them; for example "put on my other shoe" or "where is the other baby.")
My mom just taught her yes ("ses") and, in relation to dirty diapers and things you should not put in your mouth, "nasty," which she says extremely clearly.
It's a fun time hearing her say new things. Oh, she also says "new." She loves "new" things. For example, she loves her new wagon, and she wants to ride in it every time she sees it. She also likes climbing on these little bouncy cars they have at the park, and she is proud because she can climb up on them all by herself--mostly. She has been climbing more and more--she can get up on the coffee table, and from there the couch. Scary. She likes to play with her farm animals, and her baby dolls, and her stuffed animals. She likes playing with play dough, but still pretty much just wants to chew on crayons. She can stack a couple of blocks without them falling, although she loves knocking down tall towers built by someone else. She is getting really good at putting small lids on things and has successfully sorted a few different shapes (star, circle, etc) in the sorting toy she has. She has started giving kisses, and will sometimes go through the room kissing all the animals and bringing them to whoever else is in the room so we can also kiss them. She also likes to feed things, making a little chewing sound as she does.
On the eating front, she is still nursing a few times a day, not nearly as much as when she came home from the hospital. She is not eating as much as she was when she came home from the hospital either, but that makes sense. She is falling back in what seems to be a more normal toddler pattern, eating a lot sometimes and hardly anything other times. she still loves noddles and rice and spinach and cheese, and she will usually eat a couple of servings of cut-up fruit a day, and she likes those tubes of yogurt for kids. Overall I feel happy with the amount she is eating and what she eats, which is a good feeling.
A note on teething--I feel like Amelia has been teething constantly since about 13 months. She keeps getting new teeth. Sometimes her gums seem to bother her, sometimes not. I have gotten better at recognizing teething signs like drooling, diaper rash, and gnawing on things, and Amelia realized that she loves Orajel, so it's not too bad. I do wonder if she is teething a lot today. She has a low fever.
Amelia seems to be almost totally over the stranger and new-place anxiety she had after the hospital. For quite awhile--and this partly explains the lack of recent posts, as I was too tired or too discouraged to write--she was not sleeping well. First she was waking up multiple times a night, sometimes screaming, a scared scream, not just a tired fuss. We really think she was having nightmares. Then that slowly faded, and she was sleeping through the night--until between 4 and 5 AM, when she was up for the day. But still tired. It would be one thing to rise at 4 each morning with a sunny, bright-eyed toddler, but this was coming downstairs and facing an immediate tantrum because you wouldn't let Amelia fling ground coffee all over the kitchen. So we started trying things. We tried earlier bedtimes. We tried later bedtimes. We tried leaving her in the crib for a long time, and then going to her right away. I tried nursing her back to sleep. We tried getting her to back to sleep in our bed. We tried early naps. Late naps. One nap, two naps. There were really no clear patterns to what worked and what didn't. One morning--I think it was last Sunday--she woke up at 5, Dean went to check on her and said night, night, and she was quiet. Then she fussed. Then she was quiet. And so on. About 30 minutes later, I gave up and went to her, but she wanted to nurse, and she fell asleep and slept for almost 2 more hours. (Of course Dean and I were wide awake, but whatever.) That return to morning sleep seemed to break the pattern, and she has been sleeping later, waking between 5:45 and 6:30, all week since then. We have been putting her down a littler later too, between 7 and 7:30. I also think, on a nap note, that it has helped to keep her up till at least 11 AM or noon even if she is sleepy earlier. She is definitely taking longer naps in the middle of the day, usually between 1 and a half and two hours, although they have been as short as an hour, and as long as, once last week, three hours and 15 minutes. That is an all time Amelia-nap record.
(In the interest of full disclosure, and for the record, I will note that I have been nursing her to sleep at naps. This started post-hospital and it has been so peaceful, so easy, so much better than the 10-20 minutes of pre-nap crying that went on every nap for the 5 weeks we tried not nursing at naps, that I have kept doing it. I know that it could have something to do with the bedtime problem, but... not willing to give it up yet.)
The one thing Amelia is still doing that seems related to hospital anxiety is having these horrible bedtime-related fits. They seem to be related to separation anxiety from me. She was crying a lot a bath time, so I started going into the bathroom with her, and now she cries when she is put in the crib. She can be perfectly happy, snuggling with Dean and reading stories, and then when it is time to actually go to bed, she just cries and cries. It is very stressful, and sad too because bath and bedtime had been such a peaceful and happy daddy-daughter time. But we are just hanging in there because one thing that seems true about raising a child is that nothing lasts, not the stuff you love but, luckily, also not the stuff you hate. It is just endlessly replaced with new stuff to hate--and luckily, new stuff to love.
She is talking up a storm. She tries to repeat a lot of what we say, so I am trying even harder to eliminate the surprisingly high number of things I say that I would not want her to say. (I am not sure where I picked up such bad language. I'll blame my past students.)
Here are some of Amelia's new words:
fish
fall
up
down
apple
pear
pizza
crackers
two (as in, I want two crackers, two apples, etc. She wants one for each hand.)
Nanny
Luli
Poppa
Guru
Jes
Hea (for Heather) (She says these family names pointing at pictures; don't worry, we are working on the rest of the family but we need to put up more pictures!)
Momma
Daddy
shoes
boots
phone
pla (plate)
bowl
cup
fork
spoo (spoon)
slide
car
wa (wagon)
ride
dough (as in play dough)
star
moon
ca (helicopter)
Suki (or at least Su, she hardly ever says Gee anymore)
gaffe (giraffe)
no (She says no a lot.)
na (This is what it sounds like when she tries to say "another one" or "the other one" when there are two of things and she wants them; for example "put on my other shoe" or "where is the other baby.")
My mom just taught her yes ("ses") and, in relation to dirty diapers and things you should not put in your mouth, "nasty," which she says extremely clearly.
It's a fun time hearing her say new things. Oh, she also says "new." She loves "new" things. For example, she loves her new wagon, and she wants to ride in it every time she sees it. She also likes climbing on these little bouncy cars they have at the park, and she is proud because she can climb up on them all by herself--mostly. She has been climbing more and more--she can get up on the coffee table, and from there the couch. Scary. She likes to play with her farm animals, and her baby dolls, and her stuffed animals. She likes playing with play dough, but still pretty much just wants to chew on crayons. She can stack a couple of blocks without them falling, although she loves knocking down tall towers built by someone else. She is getting really good at putting small lids on things and has successfully sorted a few different shapes (star, circle, etc) in the sorting toy she has. She has started giving kisses, and will sometimes go through the room kissing all the animals and bringing them to whoever else is in the room so we can also kiss them. She also likes to feed things, making a little chewing sound as she does.
On the eating front, she is still nursing a few times a day, not nearly as much as when she came home from the hospital. She is not eating as much as she was when she came home from the hospital either, but that makes sense. She is falling back in what seems to be a more normal toddler pattern, eating a lot sometimes and hardly anything other times. she still loves noddles and rice and spinach and cheese, and she will usually eat a couple of servings of cut-up fruit a day, and she likes those tubes of yogurt for kids. Overall I feel happy with the amount she is eating and what she eats, which is a good feeling.
A note on teething--I feel like Amelia has been teething constantly since about 13 months. She keeps getting new teeth. Sometimes her gums seem to bother her, sometimes not. I have gotten better at recognizing teething signs like drooling, diaper rash, and gnawing on things, and Amelia realized that she loves Orajel, so it's not too bad. I do wonder if she is teething a lot today. She has a low fever.
Amelia seems to be almost totally over the stranger and new-place anxiety she had after the hospital. For quite awhile--and this partly explains the lack of recent posts, as I was too tired or too discouraged to write--she was not sleeping well. First she was waking up multiple times a night, sometimes screaming, a scared scream, not just a tired fuss. We really think she was having nightmares. Then that slowly faded, and she was sleeping through the night--until between 4 and 5 AM, when she was up for the day. But still tired. It would be one thing to rise at 4 each morning with a sunny, bright-eyed toddler, but this was coming downstairs and facing an immediate tantrum because you wouldn't let Amelia fling ground coffee all over the kitchen. So we started trying things. We tried earlier bedtimes. We tried later bedtimes. We tried leaving her in the crib for a long time, and then going to her right away. I tried nursing her back to sleep. We tried getting her to back to sleep in our bed. We tried early naps. Late naps. One nap, two naps. There were really no clear patterns to what worked and what didn't. One morning--I think it was last Sunday--she woke up at 5, Dean went to check on her and said night, night, and she was quiet. Then she fussed. Then she was quiet. And so on. About 30 minutes later, I gave up and went to her, but she wanted to nurse, and she fell asleep and slept for almost 2 more hours. (Of course Dean and I were wide awake, but whatever.) That return to morning sleep seemed to break the pattern, and she has been sleeping later, waking between 5:45 and 6:30, all week since then. We have been putting her down a littler later too, between 7 and 7:30. I also think, on a nap note, that it has helped to keep her up till at least 11 AM or noon even if she is sleepy earlier. She is definitely taking longer naps in the middle of the day, usually between 1 and a half and two hours, although they have been as short as an hour, and as long as, once last week, three hours and 15 minutes. That is an all time Amelia-nap record.
(In the interest of full disclosure, and for the record, I will note that I have been nursing her to sleep at naps. This started post-hospital and it has been so peaceful, so easy, so much better than the 10-20 minutes of pre-nap crying that went on every nap for the 5 weeks we tried not nursing at naps, that I have kept doing it. I know that it could have something to do with the bedtime problem, but... not willing to give it up yet.)
The one thing Amelia is still doing that seems related to hospital anxiety is having these horrible bedtime-related fits. They seem to be related to separation anxiety from me. She was crying a lot a bath time, so I started going into the bathroom with her, and now she cries when she is put in the crib. She can be perfectly happy, snuggling with Dean and reading stories, and then when it is time to actually go to bed, she just cries and cries. It is very stressful, and sad too because bath and bedtime had been such a peaceful and happy daddy-daughter time. But we are just hanging in there because one thing that seems true about raising a child is that nothing lasts, not the stuff you love but, luckily, also not the stuff you hate. It is just endlessly replaced with new stuff to hate--and luckily, new stuff to love.
Blue
In a perfect world, everyone I love would live in the same neighborhood. Amelia's grandparents would live across the street. The rest of our family would live close by. My friends would all live on the same block. Everyone would share child care and dinners and milestones and holidays.
In the real world, we live at least several hundred, if not a couple of thousand, miles from the people we love. My mom just left after a short visit, and I am blue.
Believe it or not, it's not about the baby care. Although I had a great time going to yoga and the mall and getting groceries all by myself while my mom was here, for the most part I really enjoy day to day life hanging out with Amelia. It's much easier, in my opinion, to take care of a toddler than a baby. Maybe it's just because it's more varied--it's certainly not because it's problem-free--but anyway, I am not sad because I miss having time to myself. I am sad because it's so clear how much Amelia loves my mom, and my mom loves Amelia, and they miss each other. The same is true for Dean's mom, and our dads, and our siblings, and our grandparents and aunts and cousins.
When Dean and I were deciding to leave DC not for NC but for Colorado, I made a list titled "Why I'm Moving to Denver." I kept it in my jewelry box and came across it, oddly, just this morning. Everything on the list holds true. Once upon a time, two people decided to have a baby without planning--at all--how they were actually going to live life with a baby, and Denver and the great job it offered to Dean has allowed us, overall, to have excellent lives. We like the city, its vibrancy and lack of crippling traffic, its laid-back, friendly citizens and all the fun it offers. We love our house. I love all of the friends I have made here. I love the fact that I can stay home and raise my daughter without worrying too much about money. But I still sometimes wish that Denver--and the Rocky Mountains, so Dean wouldn't be too sad--could magically be transported about 1,500 miles east. Or that our families would move west. Hint, hint.
On the bright side, we have two visits to NC planned soon. And more family visits to Denver are in the works. The good thing about living so far away is that family visits are special and tend to be very happy. Amelia learns so much every time she spends time with my parents and Dean's; it's like she blossoms. And today, as I was talking to a Denver friend whose parents live a 4-hour drive away, I realized that Amelia had seen both sets of her grandparents more times throughout the last year than my friend's son had seen his. So while it's not my perfect world, we make it work.
In the real world, we live at least several hundred, if not a couple of thousand, miles from the people we love. My mom just left after a short visit, and I am blue.
Believe it or not, it's not about the baby care. Although I had a great time going to yoga and the mall and getting groceries all by myself while my mom was here, for the most part I really enjoy day to day life hanging out with Amelia. It's much easier, in my opinion, to take care of a toddler than a baby. Maybe it's just because it's more varied--it's certainly not because it's problem-free--but anyway, I am not sad because I miss having time to myself. I am sad because it's so clear how much Amelia loves my mom, and my mom loves Amelia, and they miss each other. The same is true for Dean's mom, and our dads, and our siblings, and our grandparents and aunts and cousins.
When Dean and I were deciding to leave DC not for NC but for Colorado, I made a list titled "Why I'm Moving to Denver." I kept it in my jewelry box and came across it, oddly, just this morning. Everything on the list holds true. Once upon a time, two people decided to have a baby without planning--at all--how they were actually going to live life with a baby, and Denver and the great job it offered to Dean has allowed us, overall, to have excellent lives. We like the city, its vibrancy and lack of crippling traffic, its laid-back, friendly citizens and all the fun it offers. We love our house. I love all of the friends I have made here. I love the fact that I can stay home and raise my daughter without worrying too much about money. But I still sometimes wish that Denver--and the Rocky Mountains, so Dean wouldn't be too sad--could magically be transported about 1,500 miles east. Or that our families would move west. Hint, hint.
On the bright side, we have two visits to NC planned soon. And more family visits to Denver are in the works. The good thing about living so far away is that family visits are special and tend to be very happy. Amelia learns so much every time she spends time with my parents and Dean's; it's like she blossoms. And today, as I was talking to a Denver friend whose parents live a 4-hour drive away, I realized that Amelia had seen both sets of her grandparents more times throughout the last year than my friend's son had seen his. So while it's not my perfect world, we make it work.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
How We Are
Eight days post-hospital, we are doing very well.
I am sure this is not what is on the forefront of everyone's minds, but I have had terrific writing week. Amelia has been sleeping for almost 2 hours every day so I have been able to do almost everything I wanted to do. I finished a poem that I think-- and hope!--will be the title poem of my manuscript. It's hard to say. I was totally enthralled when I wrote it, and I still like it a lot, but sometimes that first love fades as you realize the poem, in fact, is terrible. It's one I only started last week, so it could be too good to be true.
I am also working on rearranging my manuscript.
Lovely.
In other writing-related news, just before Amelia was in the hospital, I got an email from the editor of a journal who wants to publish one of my poems! This is from the round I sent out in October, and other than this good news, and one journal who told me that my poems have moved to a "second round of readings," it has been rejection city. I got one rejection email in three days. So it was encouraging to get an acceptance. And, I am in a poetry reading tomorrow! Read about it here. If you want to make a last minute trip to Denver... it'll be totally worth it.
Now, on to what you really what to know, which is how Amelia is doing. She is doing really well. She eats like a horse. Well, a small horse. Seriously, she has been starting her day with Cheerios, two scrambled eggs, some fruit and maybe some soy sausage or bacon, and going on from there. A snack like an hour later, then another snack, then lunch. After her nap a substantial snack and an early and large dinner. She has also been eating a wide variety of things, as long as they are first stabbed with a fork. It's a relief, since she basically didn't eat for the 3 weeks before and during her hospital stay.
Amelia is moving around well too, almost totally back to normal. For awhile you could tell it hurt her when she squatted and then stood back up but that seems to have gone away. She is very happy at home, but when we go out she is still wary of other people. She cried when we went to the library today. I think she thought it was too much like a hospital. But then when she saw we were just at Book Babies (we were at a library we had never been to before) she relaxed and sang and clapped and danced. She wasn't quite as mobile as she used to be, but it has been about 2 months since we have even been to Book Babies, and honestly, it was nice not to have to chase after her the whole time.
She has been spending a fair amount of time playing by herself since the sad departure of both of her grandmothers. The other day I was loading the dishwasher and realized it was quiet... too quiet...
Suki's water bowl has been moved farther down the stairs.
Back to normal... toddler-style.
I am sure this is not what is on the forefront of everyone's minds, but I have had terrific writing week. Amelia has been sleeping for almost 2 hours every day so I have been able to do almost everything I wanted to do. I finished a poem that I think-- and hope!--will be the title poem of my manuscript. It's hard to say. I was totally enthralled when I wrote it, and I still like it a lot, but sometimes that first love fades as you realize the poem, in fact, is terrible. It's one I only started last week, so it could be too good to be true.
I am also working on rearranging my manuscript.
Lovely.
In other writing-related news, just before Amelia was in the hospital, I got an email from the editor of a journal who wants to publish one of my poems! This is from the round I sent out in October, and other than this good news, and one journal who told me that my poems have moved to a "second round of readings," it has been rejection city. I got one rejection email in three days. So it was encouraging to get an acceptance. And, I am in a poetry reading tomorrow! Read about it here. If you want to make a last minute trip to Denver... it'll be totally worth it.
Now, on to what you really what to know, which is how Amelia is doing. She is doing really well. She eats like a horse. Well, a small horse. Seriously, she has been starting her day with Cheerios, two scrambled eggs, some fruit and maybe some soy sausage or bacon, and going on from there. A snack like an hour later, then another snack, then lunch. After her nap a substantial snack and an early and large dinner. She has also been eating a wide variety of things, as long as they are first stabbed with a fork. It's a relief, since she basically didn't eat for the 3 weeks before and during her hospital stay.
Amelia is moving around well too, almost totally back to normal. For awhile you could tell it hurt her when she squatted and then stood back up but that seems to have gone away. She is very happy at home, but when we go out she is still wary of other people. She cried when we went to the library today. I think she thought it was too much like a hospital. But then when she saw we were just at Book Babies (we were at a library we had never been to before) she relaxed and sang and clapped and danced. She wasn't quite as mobile as she used to be, but it has been about 2 months since we have even been to Book Babies, and honestly, it was nice not to have to chase after her the whole time.
She has been spending a fair amount of time playing by herself since the sad departure of both of her grandmothers. The other day I was loading the dishwasher and realized it was quiet... too quiet...
Suki's water bowl has been moved farther down the stairs.
Back to normal... toddler-style.
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