Snapshots of a three-year-old

I just realized we've hardly taken any pictures of Amelia since she turned three! I am going to try to take some today.

We're very busy these days. Also, I have become better at living in the moment. This results in more peace overall but also a dirty house and an un-updated blog. I almost decided to shut this whole blog down, replacing it with a photo website of some kind. There are a few other writing projects I have been trying to focus on, and I felt bad about how little I write here.

But I decided not to. For one thing, as much as I admire people who record a sentence a day or a photo of their child a day,  this is the only place I have consistently recorded Amelia's life. It would be sad to end it.

Plus, in retrospect, I suppose the silence will be telling. There is a book I found in a used bookstore in DC (Amelia in her Ergo carrier) called "The Seven Stages of Motherhood." I like its personal stories and the way it presents motherhood as a knowable path. The chapter on mothering a preschooler (age 3-5) is called "Trying to Do It All."

That sums things up pretty well. Since Amelia started school, I have had more time to fill, and sometimes I try to fill it with EVERYTHING: cleaning, cooking, yoga, writing, shopping, errands. Yet Amelia is only in school a few days a week, and I also started a teaching job. (!) I haven't written about it here, but it started back in the fall. Officially, I am a "Young Writers Outreach Instructor" for Denver's Lighthouse Writers. It's an amazing job--basically I am a visiting writer going into schools to teach craft--and it fell into my lap with absolutely no work on my part (other than the fact that I joined Lighthouse Writers, the best writers' group ever). I took a session teaching 9th and 10th graders for 3 days a week in the fall, and then took another 7-week session of pretty much the same gig. I also taught a 6-week course back in the spring and worked for a week at their Summer Writing Camp. I love being a "writer in the schools"--it has been a dream of mine to teach writing as a visiting writer since I was a high school teacher. I love the job.

At the same time, the job has created some stress. For one thing, the teaching ends midday, around the time the half day program for Amelia's school ends. Amelia's teacher said I could pick her up late, but in the meantime, Amelia began--drumroll--NAPPING AT SCHOOL. So I usually pick her up around 2 or 3, after the kids wake up, have a snack, and go outside to play. It's cute to come pick her up and see "all the friends" in their coats and hats and sunglasses (required) playing. One day they were barking like puppies and I could hear them a block away. Still, it's more school than I had planned for Amelia this year.

Also, teaching always ends up taking time away from writing. During my first fall teaching session, I hardly wrote my own stuff at all. For this second session, I started out with a stricter schedule for myself, and I was doing well with it--for one week. The second week of the session, Amelia got the flu (EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT A FLU SHOT). So I stayed home to be with her. I am very thankful I have the kind of life that allows me to stop everything to be with my baby when she needs me, so this is not meant to be a complaint, but it does seem like every time I get on a roll with writing, something happens--we go on a trip, someone gets sick, etc.

On the other hand, after three years of motherhood, I've learned that "all things pass." So I will get back on the roll again soon. This week, I am just glad for a healthy child. And the fact that I don't have the flu.

Anyway, here are some "snaphots" of our three-year-old. Real snapshots to come later today!

Amelia visits Santa: She was annoyed that she had to wait in line. She was the only kid not dressed up in fancy Christmas clothes. Between kids, the elves furtively shielded Santa while he used hand sanitizer. When it was her turn, Amelia said she was "nervous" and I told her she didn't have to see Santa, but she bolstered her courage, sat in his lap, and asked for a robot. He kept prompting her "what else?," which I thought was unnecessary. Just a robot, Santa!

Amelia and the "scary room:" A couple of weeks ago, I woke up around 11 pm to Amelia calling me into her room. She said "something's scary!" and pointed vaguely to the corner of her room. I held her hand while she fell asleep again, but she woke up 3 more times that night. According to The Happiest Toddler on the Block, a book I cannot recommend enough, it's normal for kids develop fears around this age. Using the ideas in the book, I rallied the next day, and we rearranged Amelia's room. It did sort of look scary in the corner: the combination of the nightlight in the corner plus a bookshelf that has a tree branch on it made strange shadows, plus we had her humidifier over there, emitting a spooky mist. So I moved all that around and put her night light right beside her bed. Also, we gave her a flashlight and made some special spray (water and lavender oil) to spray at scary things. And, we remover her bed rail and told her she could get out of bed and turn on her light if she wanted to see her room.

This marks the major parenting victory of my life so far: all this worked! Amelia loved having her night light closer, being a "big girl" with no bed rail, and getting out of bed to turn on her light. The first night at bedtime, we heard her light turn on and off about 10 times. In the meantime, to tempt her back into her own bed after 4-5 days of sleeping with Mama while being sick, we put Christmas lights up beside her bed. The first night those were up, she played in her bed for over an hour and a half before finally dropping off to sleep.

What else? I can't think of the other stories I wanted to tell, so here are a few fun facts. Amelia can spell her name and I think she can spell "Daddy" (she and Dean play with foam bathtub letters in the bath a lot). She can count up to 30 or so sometimes--I have heard her do it, but other times she refuses or does it wrong as a joke. She knows the sounds for most of the letters (I made up a song with letter sounds one day in desperation, trying to lull her to sleep, and it took). She loves the "Jennifer stories" I tell her sometimes to distract her while brushing her hair or the like--Jennifer is a girl just Amelia's age, again made up by me in desperation one day--I was trying to use Jennifer as an example of something, like a little story with a moral--"Jennifer didn't want her Mama to brush her hair, but her hair got so tangled she had to cut it all off!" But it turns out Amelia LOVES stories where Jennifer is "naughty:" Jennifer squeezes all of toothpaste out of the tube, refuses to share with her baby brother, dumps her food on the floor, much to Amelia's delight. I am not sure what this means, but in any case, Amelia loves stories and songs. She sometimes even makes up her own stories and songs, something I should try harder to get on tape.

I am sure there is a lot I am missing, but that's a peek into life here lately. Check back later for some real "snapshots" of Amelia!

Seven Shorts

What I've Been Doing

Studying for the GRE--because I have decided to apply to the University of Denver's PhD in Creative Writing for the fall. !!! After looking into part-time teaching for this year, I decided again to stay with Amelia full time, but by next fall, I think both of us will be ready for a change of pace. My hope is that, if I do get into the program (which in several ways is a bit of a long shot), it will be a win-win situation. If you are admitted to the program, you automatically get a Teaching Assistantship. In my dream world, the TA-ship would pay for Amelia to go to preschool part time, and I would be able to arrange her school schedule with mine, and we would both live happily ever after, still spending a lot of time with each other but both venturing out on new scholastic adventures. We shall see. Anyway, I decided earlier in the fall to apply and see what happened, and then I found out I needed to retake the general GREs, since my scores were too old, AND take the Literature Subject Test. Studying ensured. The lit test was yesterday; I am very, VERY glad it's over. Go ahead, ask me what the Pardoner's Tale is about. Ask me to name Milton's major works. Ask me what an alexandrine is. I can answer. Now that the test is over, I need to write my application statement of purpose. The application is due January 1. Cross your fingers!

The Potty Train

This is what Amelia calls potty training. She is in the process. She had been wearing no diaper (and no underwear either, just pants, to avoid constant transitions between diapers and underwear) when we were hanging around the house for several weeks, and she had been doing really well with letting us know when she needs to go, so I decided to take the plunge and give real potty training a shot. Amelia had her first major outing without diapers last Sunday. Well, the first non-accidental one--I took her to the dinosaur bones museum a few weeks ago without a diaper, and luckily caught it before any mess was made. Most of the diaperless outings have gone well. There was one peeing incident at the playground, and she has had 2 or 3 accidents here at the house in the last few days, but overall it's going pretty smoothly. I got this little travel potty, which so far I have only used as a seat on large toilets when we are away from the house, but it looks good for emergencies. I am excited about the thought of Amelia being potty trained, but the stage we are in right now is still a lot of work (dropping everything to run to the potty; sitting there a LONG time; trying to teach Amelia it is not necessary to put half a roll of toilet paper in the toilet just for fun; distinguishing the art of hand-washing from the art of playtime in the sink; etc). But Amelia was definitely showing signs of readiness, so here we are. Again, we shall see.

Mangoroo

Amelia's word for flamingo.

Exchange

Daddy: What is Amelia eating?

Amelia: Strawberries!

Daddy: Where are those strawberries from?

Amelia: From Momma!

Daddy: Where did Momma get them?

Amelia: From a box with a rubber band on it!

Daddy: (laughing) And where did the box come from?

Amelia: From the fridge!

Daddy: (laughing)

Amelia: And from the car, and the grocery store!

Sleepy Bear

Amelia, for the record, has been sleeping GREAT at night since we weaned. There have been maybe 2 or 3 nights she has woken up from what we guess are bad dreams, and one night she was up with a bad cough. Other than that, EXCELLENT SLEEP. Hallelujiah. Naps are still variable, but seem to be shortening. Today, only an hour. Yikes. She has been going down for naps at 1:30 for a month or two. She dislikes the idea of a nap very much (she goes down, but with a fight--the opposite of bedtime, which is now quite peaceful) but I feel like she still needs them; she is definitely yawning and grumpy by naptime. Still, I am not sure how much longer we have with them. Oh, and also for the record, Amelia was sleeping from 8pm-7 am. Then the time changed (I am pretty sure only people without young children like "falling back") and she has been waking up earlier, but still till 6:30 or 6:45. It's so humane! I am deeply grateful to finally be the parent of a "good sleeper." I feel like my time has come.

Amelia's Favorite Games

Amelia is getting very good at entertaining herself. She likes to push her grocery cart around; sing Happy Birthday to You while you hold a plastic cupcake, and then give you an imaginary "special bag" (a favor bag with "ittle fogs in it"); look at books by herself in our gray chair; read books with me and Dean ("Again! Again!"), play with her farm set while sitting on the heating vent; and generally boss around her dolls and animals, including having them kick or hit each other and then gravely admonishing the misbehaving animal and getting the abused animal a toy. She also likes to put her animals to sleep and wake them up. It is really neat to see her imagination develop. Lots of fun.

Twinkle, Twinkle





Amelia was a star for Halloween. Udi made her costume, which got many, many compliments, because it very was adorable. Halloween was great. Although this was, tehnically, Amelia's third Halloween, it felt like her first. She understood the basics of dressing up and trick or treating, and when the time came, she LOVED it. We trick-or-treated for about an hour, just around our block and a street or two over, and Amelia was giggling with delight almost the whole time, clutching her treats (even after the pumpkin got very heavy). After the first couple of houses we tried didn't answer their doors (despite having porch lights on) and we told her they weren't ready, she would pause in front of each and ask us "Is this house ready?" Dean and I took turns accompanying her to ring doorbells and saying trick-or-treat. I had a lot of fun too. I grew up in a place where trick or treating involved driving for miles between houses, so it was really fun to be in a neighborhood, my neighborhood. And it was a really nice night, warm, with a crescent moon in the sky. It made me deeply, deeply glad we had Amelia to go trick-or-treating with. So much fun!

Clean Fish Dishes at Campsite

(Poll for this post has been removed)

My original title for this post was going to be "New and News." So before I explain the current title, here's what's new with us.

Amelia's "brain on toddlerhood" episode passed, leaving us with a sunnier, less tantrum-y almost-2-year-old, albeit one that talks ALL THE TIME. It's a pretty regular occasion for her to surprise someone with her long sentences. She is also apparently practicing for Jeopardy and has taken to stating her answers in the form a question. "Does Amia want a cookie?" "Does that girl want to share her toys with Amia?" Then, when you answer her ("Do you want a cookie?") she will agree, amicably and mildly, as though it was your idea ("Okay"). Not to say that she still doesn't have the occasional tantrum, but the period where I felt like I was walking on toddler-transition eggshells, thankfully, has passed. One thing that seemed to help was for me to talk a lot about how Amelia was saying things, telling her to use her "big girl voice" and not a yelling or a whiny voice. This must have gotten through because the other day I overheard her telling one of her animals "Momma doesn't like that whiny voice." Hmm.

Amelia is also asking us real questions. For example, when we are eating, she will say, "Is it good, Daddy?" "Is it good, Momma?" It is funny and cute. Overall, I like her age and hanging out with her at this age more and more every day. We have a lot of fun.

In other news, Amelia has a babysitter, a very sweet college student who has been sitting a few hours a week. I had thought about enrolling Amelia in a Parents' Day Out program, but I felt like neither of us was really ready for that. I decided to find a babysitter who could come fairly regularly, both so I could have a little time to write and so Amelia could get used to the idea of being away from me every now and then. After I interviewed sitters and hired one, she came over almost every other day for 3 weeks or so just to spend time with me and Amelia together, so that we could both get to know her. Gradually I spent less time actually in the same room with them, cleaning or writing nearby so I could still hear what was going on. I liked the babysitter, who I will call M in case she doesn't care to have her actual name on the Internet, a lot at first, and I like her more and more as time goes on. She is patient, funny, and loving, and she seems to like Amelia a lot (but who wouldn't?). For the last several visits, she has taken Amelia to the park for awhile while I write. The first time, it was hard, both for Amelia, who cried for the first 5 minutes she left me, and for me, who knows for a fact it was 5 minutes because I followed M and Amelia to the park after they left and watched them from behind a tree until Amelia stopped crying. (It's really nice to live so close to a park, for a lot of reasons). But now Amelia is actually excited when M comes, and I am enjoying having a bit more time to write, and am even spending most of that time writing, instead of spying.

Speaking of writing, a poem of mine got accepted by the online journal storySouth. I was going to say that it is not up yet, but it actually is! So you can go read it.

Finally, as you may have inferred from the post title and poll, we recently went camping. We went with Jim and Luli and Jes, Kim and Micah, and we all had a great time. Pictures:







However, a certain incident during the trip had me questioning my entire poetry-writing career.

I should say first that, since Amelia was born (and maybe before), Dean has joked about me not reading things carefully, mostly at the grocery store. I might, for example, come home with a can of black soybeans instead of black beans--the cans look remarkably similar, especially if you don't actually read the labels. I think these mistakes have to do with the feeling of always being behind on things, and so always being in a rush to get things done. To combat this feeling of being rushed, I have been repeating a little mantra to myself lately, "Do what you're doing." It helps me actually enjoy what I am doing instead of thinking about what else needs to get done. Also, I think it makes me a little more careful and mindful. Usually. But the day before the camping trip, two things happened.

The first was while I was driving. I was on a one way street, making a left turn. The two far left lanes were allowed to make the turn, and I was in the lane more toward the middle. As I began to turn, I saw someone crossing the street, so I stopped. Then, a car to my left, in the far left lane, sped past me going straight. As I drew in a breath to call them a crazy driver, I realized I was about to turn the wrong way onto another one way street. I had not yet reached the intersection where I needed to turn--it was just ahead of me--and I had almost turned left into the oncoming traffic to my left. I was reading the turning lanes signs for the next intersection, not the one I was at. If it hadn't been for the pedistrian, I probably would have caused a pretty bad crash, and likely been hurt.

I was pretty shaky about it, mad at myself for being so spacey. It was scary. Then, I sent an email with a pretty dumb and very obvious typo. It was kind of an important email--and the person I sent it pointed the mistake out to me when they wrote back. Again, I was upset at myself. Not very mindful. So--keep all this in the back of your head.

Back to camping. On our recent trip, we stayed at the same campsite Dean, Amelia and I stayed at earlier in the summer. During that trip, I noticed a sign at one of the water faucets, which is basically a pipe with a handle sticking out of the ground. "Wash Fish Dishes at Campsite," the sign advised. Back at our campsite, I asked Dean the same question the poll asks (vote now, if you haven't already!).

"Does it mean you are supposed to wash your the dishes you use to eat fish at your campsite, but other dishes are okay?" I asked.

Dean shrugged.

This was the 4th of July weekend, and there were a lot of people at the campground. Most of them seemed to be washing their dishes at the water faucets, so I did too. It seemed to make sense. Fish dishes would be especially yucky and stinky, right?

So the Saturday morning of out trip, I was hanging out with Amelia alone for awhile. She wanted to go for a ride in Micah's stroller, so I decided to take the few dishes from breakfast down to the faucets to wash them, mostly just to have somewhere to stroll. As I knelt down to fill the first cup with water, I heard someone running toward me. I looked up, and the campground manager yelled, "You can't wash dishes here!"

I got up and apologized. I said, "I saw the sign about the fish, but it seemed like everyone else was washing dishes here." He said again, still running, "You can't wash dishes here!" And ran right past me.

It turns out he was running toward someone using a chainsaw (which is something else you can't do at a campground). I was a little frazzled, but I just took the dishes back up to our campsite, thinking I would see him later and explain how I had read the sign. And perhaps point out that they should consider getting a clearer sign, maybe adding, oh, a comma or a conjunction.

So we washed our dishes at the campsite and played some more. Amelia wanted to go on another stroller ride, so we went down a different path. As we walked, we passed another water faucet, this one with a sign that read "Clean Fish and Dishes at Campsite."

My heart sunk. Remembering my recent lapses in careful reading, I realized I had been misreading the signs, overlooking the "and." Amelia and I strolled back to the campsite, where she happily collected rocks and I spent half an hour questioning my entire career as a poet. I don't read traffic signs carefully, I send emails with typos, and I can't even pay carefully attention to a sign about washing fish and dishes. I shouldn't be writing poems.

Finally, I heard the campground manager at the campsite down the hill from us. I decided to at least go explain my mistake. I did, and he was very kind. "We should make bigger signs," he said. I felt better. Amelia and I said good-bye, and walked back to our campsite. Past the faucet I had been at when the campground manager scolded me. And past its sign, which I read carefully:

"Clean Fish Dishes At Campsite."

I can still write poems. Whew.

This Is Your Brain on Toddlerhood

There have been a couple of times in Amelia's life that I have felt I could almost see her brain developing. The past week or two has been one of those times. From the moment she wakes up, she goes a mile a minute, talking, playing, reading, singing, moving toys and pens and buttons and who knows what all to the places they clearly need to be, and generally directing things around the house.

Her language development has been the most obvious--when she isn't cruise directing, she has been stating or describing what she is doing or what is happening around her in alarmingly complex sentences. I have been calling her "the narrator." When you go in her bedroom to get her when she wakes up, she will inform you "Mia sanding in her cib." In fact, now she might also say "I sanding in my cib"--she is getting more and more pronouns right. She says things like "Mia go with Daddy to pick tomatoes," or last night at dinner when she happened to glance up and out the window, "I'm looking out the window." Sometimes when she speaks she falls into a kind of "uh, uh, uh" noise and you can tell the wheels are turning in her mind as she looks for the right word or maybe the sentence structure, but more and more she just talks. She talks all day long. And she still prefers that you repeat back what she says. I don't miss not the quiet, exactly, but our days our... full.

Another reason our days are full, and this is perhaps related to the brain development spurt, is that Amelia's naps have suddenly and substantially shortened themselves. She was napping from around 12-2, and now she doesn't seem ready to go down for a nap till 1 or 1:30, if then. Then, she naps for about 45 minutes. She has a hard time settling down, and when she wakes up, after a period of initial fussiness, she is ready to go for the afternoon. She has been sleeping at night, though, for 11-12 hour stretches, from 7:30 or 8 to around 7 in the morning, so I am thinking since she is sleeping so long at night she just doesn't need a long nap. It's not the best news for me, break-wise, but it's not terrible. I am trying to take advantage of being able to have longer morning outings, and drastically decrease the number of things I try to do during her nap. (In fact, one of the things I have been doing during her nap is sitting down and watching "Friends," which conveniently reruns every day at 2:00.) Since I have less time during the day and more time during the mornings, I have been trying to get up a little earlier and enjoy the quiet. The early mornings have always been the best poem-writing times for me anyway, so maybe this is a good development for me, writing-wise.

Another note about toddlerhood--Amelia has had some real live tantrums lately. These are sometimes times when she is tired or maybe related to not feeling well, with the cold, for example, or last week she also tested positive for strep--one of the best tips I got about toddler behavior is that when they are acting SUPER terrible, they are probably sick. But there have been a couple of tantrums that seem mostly just about Amelia not getting what she wants, which I suppose is normal for almost two. Last week, we stopped by the "dinosaur bone museum" to play for awhile, and when we were leaving, not feeling well myself, I forgot to do my usual "in a few minutes, we have to say bye-bye to the museum" thing to prep Amelia for our departure (which usually works really well). We were walking toward the door, and Amelia seemed to realize we were leaving, and she just lost it. She was crouching and clenching her fists and screaming "dinosaur bones!" She was in fact standing directly underneath dinosaur bones, but no attempt of mine to point that out to her, or to calm her down in any way other way, worked, so I finally had to pick her up and carry her screaming to the car. She cried most of the 20-minute drive home, and what finally made her stop was a tip I read in The Happiest Toddler on the Block: "gossip." The author recommends that you "gossip" with your toddler's stuffed animals (or other family members, if they are around), both to discuss bad behavior and praise good behavior. The idea is that toddlers like to overhear stuff and sometimes you can get more across if they think you are not talking to them. So I talked to Elmo, who Amelia had carried around the museum all morning. "Hey Elmo! Listen! Amelia had a tantrum at the museum, and Amelia is so angry! Amelia wanted to stay at the dinosaur bones! But Momma doesn't understand tantrums. Momma understands big girl words! And Amelia is so good at big girl words!" And etc. Every time Amelia would start crying again I would say "Hey, Elmo! Listen!" And she would listen. By the time we got home, she was calm. I had asked Elmo if he thought Amelia would rather play with buttons or bracelets when she got home, and as we pulled into the garage, I heard a tiny, tired voice: "buttons."

We played with buttons, then had lunch. Toddlers are tiring. Lovable, but tiring.

The interesting thing is that Amelia still remembers this vividly. "Mia cied at the dinosaur bones. Elmo had to listen! Momma doesn't unersand tanums."

On a side note, with all these sicknesses and tantrums, sometimes I really miss breastfeeding. I just know it would calm her down so easily. I can pick Amelia up and snuggle her, and carry her around, and goodness knows I do, but it's not the same. Just saying, for the record: I don't regret weaning when we did, but I do miss the closeness, the calming nature of breastfeeding.

What else? We went to the zoo, and it was one of the first times Amelia was actually excited about the animals. She liked the elephants and hippos the best



and enjoyed peering over the wall at "Monkey Island."



She also fed some lorakeets



and rode the train with her friend Pigit,



and on another visit to the zoo with (L)u(l)i, she rode the merry-go-round.





We canceled a camping trip we had planned for this weekend because we all got colds, but we did go to a baseball game Sunday afternoon. The Rockies have a section called "The Rockpile" that features $4.50 bleacher seats, a good price for people who might only last a few innings. This was our view from our seats



and Amelia and Dean watching the game.



We had a good time--the day worked out well, since Amelia napped early and the sun went behind the clouds just time for the game. Amelia liked watching the people and even some of the game ("That man running!") She danced when music played and clapped when the other fans clapped, and the enjoyed her first experience with Dippin' Dots (which cost the same price as our seats). We lasted until about the 6th inning.

Our garden is thriving in the summer heat. We have piles of tomatoes, squash and zucchini, so much that I have just been planning our meals about what could include those things. We have a good amount of peppers, tomatillos, and cucumbers, too, and just picked some very pretty tri-color corn. This is our garden a couple of weeks ago; things are even taller and bushier now.





Finally, we are battling out an attempt to grow out Amelia's bangs. I really want to grow them out, since they grow fast and they are hard to trim, and our favorite hairdresser lives really far away. But Amelia is not a fan of hairclips ("Cips out!) so she looks pretty shaggy a lot of the time. Here is a picture of her with cips, just to prove she doesn't always look like a sheep dog.



We had some success with using a rubber band for a "ponytail" yesterday, and I made a big deal about how "now you can see!" So we'll see.

What's Amia doin'?

Amelia is talking. A lot. Amelia repeats almost everything we say, including, once, "Damn it, Suki!" as Suki escaped outside through a closing door. Amelia somehow got a southern accent, or at least a southern way of sayin' lots of words. She drops her g's. She called her (L)u(l)i and Guwu's cat Maude "Mawwwd." Could she have picked up this drawl from her mother? You be the judge.

Amelia also drops l's. Hence the (L)u(l)i and the "Amia." Or often she just calls herself "Mia." Mia was listed as a nickname for Amelia in the baby name book I used, and now I see why.

For yes, Amelia says "okay." For no, she says "no okay." All in one phrase. (Are you ready to take a rest? No okay. I am learning to tell, not ask, certain things.)

Amelia is asking a lot of questions, or rather, the same few questions over and over. What's Amia doin'? What's Daddy doin'? What's Momma doin'? What's Suki doin'? (I remember my mom telling me how many times I used to say "Ronna... What doin', huh?")

Amelia assigns dialogue. She likes me to talk for her dolls and stuffed animals. Usually they want to eat something or do whatever Amelia is doing. Then she will tell them, gravely, "Mia's turn." She also likes for me to ask to do what she is doing and then say no. This might worry me but I read in The Happiest Toddler on the Block (which I highly recommend, along with The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers) that it's actually good to let toddlers be the boss and deny you of things sometimes for play, because they have so little power in other things.

Amelia takes her time. I am tested many times a day on my resolve, so long ago, to be patient when Amelia became a toddler. Walking 50 feet can take half an hour. Going up or down the stairs can take half the morning. I try to remind myself that what feels like a sidetrack to me is a learning experience and a experiment in independence for Amelia, and save the times I ask her to hurry for when it really matters.

Amelia wants to do it "self." In other words, "Mia do it." Putting on her shoes, buckling into her carseat, putting on her pants: these are all thing Amelia really wants to do by herself and can't quite, yet. But she tries, sometimes calmly and sometimes with great frustrations. If only patience came in a bottle. For both of us. These have been moments when I have had to literally chant aloud to myself "Patience, patience!" (It helps.)

Amelia likes to collect. One of the things she is repeating is "A-nuh-nuh ____?" For example, she has these little plastic animal toys she calls hippos that have holes on one side and a point on the other end so they can snap into each other. They are all pulled apart and scattered everywhere because she likes to put them on her fingers. If we happen to see one she says, "A-nuh-nuh hippo?" (That's "another.") Basically, anything she finds or likes, she asks for another. A-nuh-nuh haircip? A-nuh-nuh bracet? A-nuh-nuh bear? And etc. Etc. All day long.

Amelia has been sleeping beautifully. 10-12 hours a night, 2 or so hours for naps. Did this coincide with weaning? Yes. Well, the night sleep did anyway. Could be a coincidence, but just for the record. The naps got easier when I started being consistent about a nap routine: home from morning outing around 11, lunch, playtime, stories, in the crib between 12 and 12:30 for 3 songs, the end. She usually cries for a few minutes before she falls asleep, but sometimes she just talks to her animals. Again for the record, her current bedtime is between 7 and 8, depending on how tired she is.

And finally, Amelia is wonderful. She is fun, funny, and fascinating. She changes so quickly and is becoming her own little self with alarming speed. Although I am sometimes tired and impatient, I am truly and deeply thankful that I get to spend so much time with her.

Numbers

2: Number of bizarre poopy diapers I changed today (teething???)

4: Number of times Amelia said "eye, eye!" after I got sand in her eye changing one of the above diapers. (Park. Sand toys. Jelly shoes. Lifted up her feet to take off the yucky diaper, and it was a sandfall.)

45: Number of minutes we have spent going up and down stairs so far today.

1 and 1/2: Number of hours I have spent today preparing to go camping this weekend.

1 and 1/2: Number of hours of A's nap so far.

1,000,000: Number of stinky grains of pollen blown into our yard and onto our porch by a strange storm we are having.

0: Number of raindrops from the storm.

Twenty Months and a Day

Monday update:

Amelia slept from 7:30 last night till 6:30 this morning without a peep. I told my mom about it, and she replied, "That's toddler sleep." I'll take it! I am hoping this is a new trend.

It's hot in Denver and very humid. It is a southern heat. I could barely run at the park this morning, and we couldn't stay long at the playground either. I have had success getting Amelia to leave places pretty easily by first telling her that we are going to say "bye-bye to [whatever it is] in a few minutes," and then pretty quickly picking her up and getting her to say bye-bye. Consequently she can now say "few minutes" and says it a lot when she wants to do something. One of the most trying of these is sitting in the car. She loves to sit out of her carseat in the car, and she obviously can't do that while we are driving, so we spend a lot of time these days sitting in the parked car in the garage. She likes to press the buttons on the radio and pretend to turn the steering wheel (from my lap). I am sure to pull up the emergency break and I stay right with her, keys in my pocket, so this is not unsafe, right? It feels sort of like one of those "don't"s in a list of toddler rules, but it's not like I'm leaving her in there alone. Another funny thing she says is "back yard" and by this she means the very back of the car, behind the back seat. (We have a Rav-4. We traded in Dean's Camry back in the fall when he realized he needed 4-wheel drive to get to many of the trailheads he wanted to get to. Plus we ended up needing it to drive on snow. Denver doesn't really plow its roads.)

We got out garden planted this weekend and are just waiting for it to grow. Expect a garden post as soon as I get some current pictures taken.

And, finally, I got an email this morning saying that the journal that accepted one of my poems will be out soon! You can see my name on the table of contents here.

What's Going On

Time for a good, old-fashioned Amelia update. I'll sprinkle in a few pictures I just downloaded from my cell phone.



She is talking up a storm. She tries to repeat a lot of what we say, so I am trying even harder to eliminate the surprisingly high number of things I say that I would not want her to say. (I am not sure where I picked up such bad language. I'll blame my past students.)

Here are some of Amelia's new words:

fish
fall
up
down
apple
pear
pizza
crackers
two (as in, I want two crackers, two apples, etc. She wants one for each hand.)
Nanny
Luli
Poppa
Guru
Jes
Hea (for Heather) (She says these family names pointing at pictures; don't worry, we are working on the rest of the family but we need to put up more pictures!)
Momma
Daddy
shoes
boots
phone
pla (plate)
bowl
cup
fork
spoo (spoon)
slide
car
wa (wagon)
ride
dough (as in play dough)
star
moon
ca (helicopter)
Suki (or at least Su, she hardly ever says Gee anymore)
gaffe (giraffe)
no (She says no a lot.)
na (This is what it sounds like when she tries to say "another one" or "the other one" when there are two of things and she wants them; for example "put on my other shoe" or "where is the other baby.")
My mom just taught her yes ("ses") and, in relation to dirty diapers and things you should not put in your mouth, "nasty," which she says extremely clearly.

It's a fun time hearing her say new things. Oh, she also says "new." She loves "new" things. For example, she loves her new wagon, and she wants to ride in it every time she sees it. She also likes climbing on these little bouncy cars they have at the park, and she is proud because she can climb up on them all by herself--mostly. She has been climbing more and more--she can get up on the coffee table, and from there the couch. Scary. She likes to play with her farm animals, and her baby dolls, and her stuffed animals. She likes playing with play dough, but still pretty much just wants to chew on crayons. She can stack a couple of blocks without them falling, although she loves knocking down tall towers built by someone else. She is getting really good at putting small lids on things and has successfully sorted a few different shapes (star, circle, etc) in the sorting toy she has. She has started giving kisses, and will sometimes go through the room kissing all the animals and bringing them to whoever else is in the room so we can also kiss them. She also likes to feed things, making a little chewing sound as she does.



On the eating front, she is still nursing a few times a day, not nearly as much as when she came home from the hospital. She is not eating as much as she was when she came home from the hospital either, but that makes sense. She is falling back in what seems to be a more normal toddler pattern, eating a lot sometimes and hardly anything other times. she still loves noddles and rice and spinach and cheese, and she will usually eat a couple of servings of cut-up fruit a day, and she likes those tubes of yogurt for kids. Overall I feel happy with the amount she is eating and what she eats, which is a good feeling.

A note on teething--I feel like Amelia has been teething constantly since about 13 months. She keeps getting new teeth. Sometimes her gums seem to bother her, sometimes not. I have gotten better at recognizing teething signs like drooling, diaper rash, and gnawing on things, and Amelia realized that she loves Orajel, so it's not too bad. I do wonder if she is teething a lot today. She has a low fever.



Amelia seems to be almost totally over the stranger and new-place anxiety she had after the hospital. For quite awhile--and this partly explains the lack of recent posts, as I was too tired or too discouraged to write--she was not sleeping well. First she was waking up multiple times a night, sometimes screaming, a scared scream, not just a tired fuss. We really think she was having nightmares. Then that slowly faded, and she was sleeping through the night--until between 4 and 5 AM, when she was up for the day. But still tired. It would be one thing to rise at 4 each morning with a sunny, bright-eyed toddler, but this was coming downstairs and facing an immediate tantrum because you wouldn't let Amelia fling ground coffee all over the kitchen. So we started trying things. We tried earlier bedtimes. We tried later bedtimes. We tried leaving her in the crib for a long time, and then going to her right away. I tried nursing her back to sleep. We tried getting her to back to sleep in our bed. We tried early naps. Late naps. One nap, two naps. There were really no clear patterns to what worked and what didn't. One morning--I think it was last Sunday--she woke up at 5, Dean went to check on her and said night, night, and she was quiet. Then she fussed. Then she was quiet. And so on. About 30 minutes later, I gave up and went to her, but she wanted to nurse, and she fell asleep and slept for almost 2 more hours. (Of course Dean and I were wide awake, but whatever.) That return to morning sleep seemed to break the pattern, and she has been sleeping later, waking between 5:45 and 6:30, all week since then. We have been putting her down a littler later too, between 7 and 7:30. I also think, on a nap note, that it has helped to keep her up till at least 11 AM or noon even if she is sleepy earlier. She is definitely taking longer naps in the middle of the day, usually between 1 and a half and two hours, although they have been as short as an hour, and as long as, once last week, three hours and 15 minutes. That is an all time Amelia-nap record.

(In the interest of full disclosure, and for the record, I will note that I have been nursing her to sleep at naps. This started post-hospital and it has been so peaceful, so easy, so much better than the 10-20 minutes of pre-nap crying that went on every nap for the 5 weeks we tried not nursing at naps, that I have kept doing it. I know that it could have something to do with the bedtime problem, but... not willing to give it up yet.)




The one thing Amelia is still doing that seems related to hospital anxiety is having these horrible bedtime-related fits. They seem to be related to separation anxiety from me. She was crying a lot a bath time, so I started going into the bathroom with her, and now she cries when she is put in the crib. She can be perfectly happy, snuggling with Dean and reading stories, and then when it is time to actually go to bed, she just cries and cries. It is very stressful, and sad too because bath and bedtime had been such a peaceful and happy daddy-daughter time. But we are just hanging in there because one thing that seems true about raising a child is that nothing lasts, not the stuff you love but, luckily, also not the stuff you hate. It is just endlessly replaced with new stuff to hate--and luckily, new stuff to love.

13 on 31

I never seem to find the time to write the developed posts I compose in my head at 4am, so here are 13 things about life, lately:

1. Amelia is sick. Poor baby. She and I both had colds for the past two weeks or so, but when mine went away, hers seem to get worse, and a fever appeared. A trip to the doctor showed no ear infection, and when I called again today, the nurse said a virus that sounds like what Amelia has is going around. So I am giving her ibuprofen, and she is drinking a lot of juice.

2. She says, "Juice!" Also fish, mask (because of an African mask Jes got us that hangs on the wall above our reading/nursing chair) and, just this weekend, Daddy! ("Da!")

3. Naps have been challenging, lasting 45 minutes, tops, for most of last week. Maybe because she has been sick? With 10-15 minutes of crying when I put her down. But today, for the first time since I cut her off from nursing to sleep: no pre-nap crying! She just talked to herself for a few minutes, then all was quiet on the napptime front.

4. Night sleep has remained mostly great, even through the sickness. A couple of early morning wakings. I have nursed her at night twice. My hope is that this is fine, as long as it doesn't turn back into a habit. It seems okay so far. There is a middle way!

5. List of lunchtime food items on the table and floor right now: wheat bread. Strawberry jello. Cheerios. Milk. A french fry. A slice of turkey ("gobble gobble gobble"). Vanilla ice cream. Something gooey I can't name--oh, mayonaise.

6. Number of the above items Amelia actually ate for lunch: 0.

7. What has Amelia eaten today? About 1/3 of a bag of rainbow goldfish crackers. (Don't worry, they are colored using natural ingredients, like beets.)

8. What have I been doing during these 45 minute naps last week? Writing! Somehow when I know there is only going to be 45 minutes, I can make myself get more work done than if I think there might be 2 hours. I have been working on my manuscript and work for the class I am taking. My class met again last week (it meets about every 3rd Monday). We discussed my manuscript and one other (6 students, 2 manuscripts per session, for two rounds). I got lots of positive feedback and several helpful suggestions. And a few crazy suggestions, but that is par for the workshop course.

10. And, I just got an email from the instructor asking me if I want to be in a reading soon! A nice boost for my confidence. Especailly considering that

11. I spent some time this weekend looking into jobs for the fall, mostly getting very discouraged. I read too many faculty bios of people who had PhDs and lots of publications. Whatever, guys. I can recite both Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? and Dr. Suess's ABCs.

12. I am looking forward to spring. Although we had some days in the high 50s and low 60s last night, tomorrow's high is supposed to be -3. Can people even exist in that kind of weather? How did the pioneers survive out here? I am making it my personal business not to leave the house tomorrow.

13. After 16 months, I am beginning to feel like my old self again, whoever that is. I think sleeping through the night helps. So does getting to leave the house at night and not being the only person in the universe who can get Amelia to go to sleep. Plus having a toddler is really a lot of fun! Hard sometimes, what with the tantrums and the poor communication skills, but fun. I like playing with Play Dough and stickers and puzzles. And Amelia is only just beginning to be able to do those things, so more fun is in store. I've also been doing more stuff I want to do, generally. I made a sort of New Year's resolution to try to integrate more reading and writing and yoga into my daily life, even if I don't have large swaths of free time. I came up with a concept of "5 and 20." Basically, I try to take a span of 5 minutes to do something I want to do sometime during the day, and then another span of 20 minutes to do something else I want to do. So I might read the news for 5 minutes in the morning, or read a poem for 5 minutes while Amelia plays on her own. Or I might try to do 20 minutes of yoga while Amelia plays around me. Or write for 20 minutes during Amelia's bath and bedtime. After roughly 31 days, I feel happier and more... well-rounded is the best word I can think of. Reading more of the news, for example, has allowed me to actually think of something besides Amelia and exhaustion to talk about to my mom friends (not the conversation often turns from babies and/or sleep, but just in case!), and to Dean and my other friends as well. And doing a little bit of yoga each day makes me feel better physically, and I think helps during the yoga classes I go to too. It turns out that there is more to life than motherhood, and I have been finding ways to access that life. And that is a good thing.

20 Thoughts in 20 Minutes

I am not much in the mood to post lately but if I don't write something soon we will be on our Christmas vacation, so here are 20 random things I have been thinking about. I am giving myself 20 minutes to write it, because Amelia is napping and there is other stuff I want to do.

1. With the simple adjustment of Amelia's bedtime, all of our sleep problems have been solved! Oops, not really. After that one post about the early bedtime, Amelia started waking up, babbling and sounding fairly happy, at 4:45 am or earlier. So we moved the bedtime later. After 4 days, it was still happening, so we moved it back up to the earlier time. Now she's waking between 5:30 and 6.

2. I am so sick of thinking about sleep I could scream. Yet I still really, really want to sleep better.

3. I am confused about weaning. Sometimes Amelia seems to be self-weaning, other times she is a nursing fool.

4. I am disgruntled at the mixed messages I perceive about breastfeeding. When women are pregnant and have very new babies, the message seems to be "breastfeed or else!," a message that is more harmful than helpful. Then once the baby reaches a certain age--maybe 9 months or so--it's "hurry up and wean." Is this just in my own head?

5. Amelia has a new friend who is a hitter. What do you do when your baby hits other babies? And what are you supposed to do when your baby has a temper tantrum?

6. I miss my family. You know who you are. Come visit us.

7. Actually I have been very, very sad that we love so far away from our families. If we lived close to family Dean and I could leave Amelia with people who love her and desperately want to see her while we--gasp--saw a movie or something. What were we thinking?

8. That said there are a lot of things I love about my life here. I have a lot of friends. I love our house. Denver is amazingly interesting and easy to navigate. And

9. despite what you may think after reading my grouchy blog posts lately I am so, so glad that Dean has a job that allows me to stay home with Amelia while she is a baby.

10.* In a perfect life, I would go to a yoga class every day, get a massage every week, and write for 2 hours every morning.

11. I have been writing some. I am taking a "master class" that requires a "manuscript." So I have been reworking my manuscript. It's getting shorter instead of longer.

12. I wrote this series of poems that was 40 words each, 4 words per line for 10 lines. Now I don't like it and I am making the lines twice as long. But some of the poems want to be 5 lines and some want to be 6.

13. It was supposed to snow 6 inches here last night and not a drop. Denver has negative humidity, I swear. But after a week or so of unseasonable warm weather, now it is very cold.

14. Amelia is starting to say "no." Sometimes for no apparent reason. It often sounds more like she is just making the sound for the letter n.

15. Teething, you will be the death of me. I am attributing all of Amelia's weird sleep and fussiness to teething. The upper molars are breaking through at approximately 1/16 of a millimeter per day. Sometimes, out of the blue, poor Amelia starts wailing and gnawing on her fingers. We are making liberal use of Ibuprofen, Baby Orajel, and cold teethers.

16. I am still wearing my pajamas. If you want gift ideas for me, think warm pajamas.

17. Also: warm slippers, the ingredients for margaritas, those wrist warmers that are like gloves without the fingers, and gift certificates for yoga classes and massages. And could you come here and watch Amelia while I go to the yoga classes and get the massages?

18. If you asked me what I wanted to Christmas in the past couple of weeks and I said I didn't know or nothing, sorry. I just thought of that list as I wrote it.

19. I also like Anthropogie gift cards.

20. But what I really want more than anything is for all of our family to come visit us a lot. All of you. Everyone. And if you are Gano, we are serious when we say we want you to live next door.

*In rereading number 10--and the rest of this post, for that matter--it occurred to me that am a very spoiled person. I already have what tons of people would consider a very perfect life. I really do love my life, even if it's not perfect. Winter is making me grouchy. And underneath a lot of these superficial worries are more substantial ones, like how Amelia is going to grow up in a world filled with poison and melting polar ice caps and war and a Congress full of politicians who overuse the phrase "the American people" and can't get anything done. But my 20 minutes are up. So let me just add one more thought:

21.** What I really, really want more than anything is for everyone on earth, to be able to have the space to breathe, to consider the kind of world they would want to leave for the people who will come after them, and to be able to, with love in their hearts and in ways big or small, make the world that kind of place.

**Now I feel like a contestant in a beauty pageant. But it's been over half an hour and the clock is ticking. Peace.

Untitled

It is winter here. We woke up this morning (at 4:30, but I don't even want to talk about that) to a very lightly snow-coated world. Under the full moon, it was pretty and peaceful and I baked a pumpkin pie, but now the sun is out and it is windy and bright and terrible. Snow sparkle in the wind so you can see where the wind is going. And the wind is swirling.

I dislike winter. I think I have reptilian roots somewhere and part of my soul freezes when it is cold outside. I am vaguely but constantly itchy and grouchy. Baking, putting up Christmas trees, and drinking hot chocolate help, as does yoga and wearing my bathrobe all day long. Or big sweaters. As long as they don't itch.

I have been writing this morning so that explains some of the weirdness of my opening paragraphs. I am writing about dreams and from the voice of Ryan in Teen Mom, so I am bit out of my normal speaking voice.

We got the results about the lead. Turns out there is a little lead in the dust in several places in our house. We had some work done on the porch that exposed some old paint and some unseen chipped paint inside. So now the outside is cleaned and the inside has been touched up and I am doing to try to mop every other day. Hopefully that will solve the problem. Amelia will be retested in two more months.

I feel guilty for buying an old house and for not mopping it enough. You read all these articles and things that encourage moms to let the housework go a little--and then you find out there is lead in the dust on your floor. The irony is I sweep twice or even three times a day some days. But that just sweeps the lead dust around. Horrifying.

Something about winter is making it very clear to me that we have actually MOVED to Colorado and are not just here on an extended visit. I feel a little shocked. It also has to do with our first experience here that made me realize that we are essentially all alone. We had norovirus. (This was not actually diagnosed by a doctor but it was some sort of terrible stomach virus so I am calling it norovirus.) Amelia had mild symptoms last Saturday, the night before we were leaving for Santa Fe for a week (Dean had a conference for work). Saturday night, I also had symptoms, much less mild than Amelia's. All night. It was terrible. So at about 5:30 Sunday morning, I faced a dilemma. Option 1: In the aftermath of a terrible stomach virus, with a baby who also might still have a stomach virus, get on a plane. Option 2: Stay home, alone, with a stomach virus, and take care of a baby who might still have a stomach virus. Alone.

I have some very nice friends here, but they have babies too. And it takes a special friend to come over and take care of your baby and be exposed to your stomach virus so they can take said virus home to their babies. Pretty much the only person you can ask to do that is your mom. And all moms in my life are about 1500 miles away.

So I decided that if I could keep down some crackers and ginger ale, and if Amelia was okay, I would go. I did and she was, so we went.

We had a nice time in Santa Fe after about Tuesday. (Dean spent Monday battling the norovirus. To any Federal Public Defenders who find themselves feeling a bit under the weather this week, we offer our deepest apologies.) However, Amelia was oddly whiny for most of the week. I don't know if she missed her crib and her Gee and her high chair and her nightly YoBaby Yogurt Drink or if she was perplexed that we had apparently moved to a hotel room or what. But she was whiny. It got old. Also, she slept great in the hotel till the last night, when she woke up 3 times. And she has been making up 2-3 times a night since we got home Sunday.

We are still nursing. I am perplexed. Sometimes I want to quit and sometimes I don't want it to end. Before we left Amelia had pretty much weaned herself to 3 nursing sessions a day but traveling always makes her revert to the breastfeeding habits of a newborn and now it's like every time she sees me she dives for the boobs.

Who knows. Maybe after Christmas we will go cold turkey. We leave for NC again in about 3 and half weeks and I don't see the point in making any huge changes before then. I think after that we are going to swear off all travel till the spring.

This is not the cheerful Amelia Update I had intended to write. But now Amelia is awake. Until we meet again, my friends, drink a cup of hot chocolate for me.

The One Year Old

I am officially the mother of a one year old! I got over most of my sadness on Amelia's birthday after writing my letter to her and talking to some friends on the phone. Then Amelia and I met our friends Ali and Anna (who just turned one on Monday) at the Denver Botanical Gardens--their children's garden is my favorite place to take her in Denver. We had fun playing and talking, and then Amelia slipped on a block and got her first big knot on her head. On her birthday! So life goes on.

Amelia had two birthday parties. First she had a party at her Grand-aunt Linda's house. Then Sunday afternoon, we had a little party for her. A few Book Babies friends and neighbors came over for about an hour. We had cupcakes. Sadly, I have pictures of neither party. I have pictures in my email of the first party that I don't know how to download, and I have picture of the second party but not any with Amelia alone, and I don't think I should post pictures of other people's babies on the Internet without asking their mommas. So here are some recent pictures of Amelia in her high chair.







What a funny bear.

Amelia at one is a lot of fun. Dean and I agree that we could keep her at this age.

Oh, she said her first word: Ball! She shouts it. She definitely says it when she sees a ball, so we know it's a real word, but she also says it when she sees a dog, and about 7,000 other times a day. She said it as soon as she woke up this morning. Ball! Ball! We got her a basket of balls for her birthday, so there are plenty of chances to say it.

In other Amelia news, she taking baby steps between pieces of furniture but has yet to venture out on her own two feet. She drops to her knees to crawl if she wants to get somewhere far away.She has learned to play with Suki a little by throwing a ball to her (which also gives her a chance to say Ball!). She still seems to be transitioning from one to two naps. We had a pretty successful one-nap day Monday when she napped from about 11:30-1:15. But since then she has had two naps. She went down this morning at 8:30! Which is how I am able to write this. It seems that if she sleeps till 7, she will have one nap, but if she wakes up earlier, she'll take two. Who knows. Night sleep is okay--she has been waking at 11:30, crying for a just a minute, and sleeping again, then sleeping till 3:30. I have been breaking my 4am rule. We are going out of town again next week, so my new rule is 3:30am till we get back from that trip and can reestablish things. Having a baby is hard.

All right, I want to try to catch up on a few more posts before A wakes up...

Eat, Play, Sleep

It's been awhile since I have recorded Amelia's current habits and such and I thought eat, play and sleep would be good organizing topics.

Let's start with the most fun, play:

as you might have noticed from the recent videos, Amelia is a very fun girl. She started crawling at about 9 and a half months and has been on the move ever since. She quickly progressed to pulling up to stand on couches, chairs, benches, and anything else she can reach, including, this week, the bottom of the refrigerator. She likes to take the magnets off of it. She can now stand on both legs without holding onto anything with her hands for several seconds at a time, and has even started to "cruise," or move short distances between items she can hold on to.

Also around the end of 9 months, Amelia discovered books. We were reading this book I got from the library called "Baby Loves Peekaboo." It has flaps that open to reveal hidden cats, bears, toys and babies. The pictures are photographs, not drawings, and A loves to look at "real" babies. So we were reading and all of a sudden she seemed to notice that the could open the flap and see the babies. She was delighted. After that we introduced story time into the bedtime routine--more on that below.

Some of A's other favorite activities are rolling around on a stack of three comforters and pillows on the living room floor, turning the pages of various board books, taking all of the credit and other cards out of my wallet, tackling and biting large stuffed animals, and standing at her toy box, removing toys one at a time. Oh, and throwing things! She loves to throw and roll balls, but also enjoys throwing other toys--and sometimes, while she is eating, she throws spoons, forks, and small pieces of food. We take it as a sign that she is no longer hungry.

Speaking of eating:

Just this week, I FINALLY got Amelia to eat babyfood. As we recall, she has loved solids for some time, and by that I mean actual solids: only food she can pick up herself. She loves cheese, rice, beans, Cheerios, toast, bread, tortillas, tofu, black bean burgers, little bits of spinach, these odd chalky puffs of freeze dried yogurt they now make for babies, and any type of meat she has tried. But she generally avoids being spoon fed with all of her will and might. It may seem easy to put a spoon into a baby's mouth but unless the baby wants the spoon there, it is not. She has a few exceptions to spoonfeeding, such as peaches, instant oatmeal, and ice cream (which she has only had 2 or 3 times), but none of that helps me get more vegetables into her little body--it's hard for her to eat vegetables because generally if they are soft enough for her to chew, they are also too wet and slippery for her to keep hold of. She can pick up peas, but does so only so that she can throw them on the floor. So I have been trying various ways to sneak in the veggies: spreading a thin layer of pureed green beans onto bread, attempting to pass off sauteed yellow pepper as peaches, etc. None of this has really worked. Then I saw this new kind of babyfood that comes in little plastic pouches, like Capri Sun. It's fancy sparkly organic babyfood supposedly made by "real chefs." It has a little tube at the end and while the idea seems to be that you can squeeze as much as you need into a bowl, I thought why couldn't you just squeeze it directly into the baby's mouth.

It turns out this stuff is delicious. (I take Caroline's advice of long ago to always taste whatever you put into your baby"s mouth.) I mean it is really delicious. The roasted sweet potatoes taste like Thanksgiving dinner. If for some reason you ever have to be off solid foods (wisdom teeth removal?), stock up on this stuff. So I have been feeding it to Amelia while she plays. I can't get as much in her while she is officially eating and sitting at her high chair because she starts to want to hold the tube and do it herself and then half of the babyfood, which costs 1 million dollars per ounce, ends up on her face, her clothes, my clothes, and the floor. But while she is playing I can sneak the tube up to her mouth and she will take a sip, realize it is delicious, then take some more. The go back to playing, and repeat.

I have had the most success with the flavors that mix fruits and veggies, like this afternoon's "blueberry pear purple carrot." But I have high hopes for "spinach pear peas" and "pumpkin corn apple."

So that is eating. She is now officially breastfeeding a number of times a day that I can count, which is 7: when she wakes in the morning, again awhile after she wakes up, before her morning nap, about half an hour after her nap, before her afternoon nap, early evening, and bedtime. Then once more at about 4 am.

I guess that sounds like a lot. Actually some books say that a baby will nurse 6-8 times a day by 3 months or something like that. At some point, maybe 5 months, I realized that Amelia was nursing way more than what most books described as common, and I called the DC Breastfeeding Center about it. The LC told me that just like some adults, some babies were grazers. "Sometimes you want a whole meal," she said, "but sometimes you just want a bagel. Sometimes you just want a cup of coffee." Amelia has cut out most of her coffee breaks. When she does nurse now, it's only for about 5 minutes.

Ironically, just when I was ready to move on to sleep, Amelia is waking up from her nap. And I am sure you are all at the edge of your seats about Amelia's sleep! I usually am. So, to be continued...

We're Busy Resting

As July ended, I looked forward to August as a month of rest* and relaxation. Beginning July 31st, we've had visitors or been traveling almost every day. Liz and Oliver came to visit, then we went camping, then Amelia and I went to visit grandparents in NC. Yesterday we had a one-day break in the action, and this afternoon I pick up DC Laura from the airport! Next week Jim and Luli will stop by on their way to visit the newly-arrived Micah, and then Meg and Sophie will visit. We will finish up with a trip to Rocky Mountain National Park over Labor Day.

So that doesn't exactly sound restful, I guess, but I have happily put writing and major errands or household chores on hold. I had gotten into the habit of overplanning for Amelia's naptimes, and then being stressed the whole time she slept because there was no way I could get everything done. I vowed to devote August to going with the flow, so I just do whatever I feel like doing while Amelia sleeps. Today it involves sitting around in yoga clothes (a step toward actually doing yoga? We shall see), and eating figs and blogging.

I have been enjoying homemaking. It is not all that boring. For one thing, Amelia has become super action funtime baby. She is very, very interesting. She crawls and stands and laughs and throws balls and turns the pages of board books. She chats and sings to herself while she plays. She can entertain herself with a pan and a spoon while I clean the kitchen. She "helps" me fold laundry (by systematically knocking down stacks of folded clothes). So it is both more fun to hang out with her and more possible to get a few things done around the house with her around than it was 9 or 6 or 3 months ago. I have actually always somewhat enjoyed tasks like cleaning and going through mail, within reason, probably because of the sense of accomplishment I get from creating order. Of course there are many moments when it all gets exhausting and seems perpetual--which of course it is. But as long as I don't set my sights too high and overplan, and think of it as what it is, a job with pros and cons, lately the homemaking enterprise has been rather satisfying.

In other Amelia news, I think she might have said her first word. She recently learned to wave, and two or three times she has said what sounds like "bye-bye" while waving at people or things we were leaving behind. Of course "bye-bye" sounds a lot like "ba-ba," which she says a lot. So it's too early to say. But it is exciting still.

She has also learned to kiss, bit wet kisses. She lunges at you, mouth open, dripping with drool. The French-kissing baby.

What else? I have been trying to read more, to some success. I have some ideas for new poems to write in September. I plan to post more pictures, including pictures of our camping trip, soon!


*Well, as much rest as you can get with a baby who still isn't sleeping through the night. Amelia slept through the night for maybe a week or so--it was heavenly--and then started sitting up in her crib. And not being able to lie back down. When we tried to let her just figure it out, she fell asleep in a forward bend, her head between her knees. So I am up with her about 3 times a night again after she sits or even stands in her crib. I am currently trying to figure out how to solve this, simultaneously hoping it passes suddenly and SOON.

What's Amelia doing?

That's the question I often find myself asking Amelia, and then answering it for her. I guess this is how babies learn to talk. I also ask her "Where's Amelia going?" when I put her into the stroller or in the car seat, as a way of distracting her. She generally doesn't like to be put into things.

Anyway, I thought Amelia's fans might like to know what she's been up to these days. She is currently taking a late and, I hope, long nap after an exciting trip to the DMV. We have already taken two trips to the emissions testing station (the second not because we failed the test but because we had to get the "VIN" verified, something I didn't know and thus didn't have enough money to pay for the first time). She did well on all three trips, demonstrating yet again both her portability and her agreeableness. She actually seems to have a good time on these errands, because there are a lot of other people around with little to do except watch her play and coo and drool and smile and attempt to crawl, and Amelia loves an audience.

It's kind of astounding to both Dean and me how social Amelia is. When you point a camera at her, she gets all Vogue and drops her chin and smiles prettily. When she sees strangers, she stares at them till they look at her, then starts to flirt. If someone does not pay attention to her she is confused and slightly upset. She is a social bee. She did not get this from me or from Dean.

Here she is posing with some trail mix.



The nap turned out to be very short so I will give a summary of a few more Amelia facts. Her top front teeth are S-L-O-W-L-Y coming in. She is not crawling but has pulled herself up to a standing position by gripping a chair or something similar (such as the large stuffed elephant I bought at Goodwill for $5) several times. She very much likes to play with balls. She squeals and kicks her legs when you roll one to her. I think she understands "Hi!" and "Bye!" and waving to signal these things. She has been pitching huge crying fits at bathtime recently; we think it is because she is so tired by bathtime that she just can't go on. But she has been going to sleep at 6:30 and waking up at 5:15. (At 5:15, I shut her door, and we sort of ignore her cooing till it turns to a loud fuss around 5:45.) She will still spend a relatively long time pulling toys and items out of baskets, which is what she is doing now.

And yawning. Because of the short nap.

Home in Denver

About a week after the move, we traveled to NC for a (beautiful) wedding, which was at Dean's parents' house, then Amelia and I stayed with my parents for several days. At both places, Amelia basked in her grandparents' undying love. Last Friday, A and I flew home. Traveling alone with her was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

We flew from Charlotte through Houston on the way home, and we flew, I think, over the oil spill. I looked down--which I rarely do in a plane--and couldn't tell if we were over land or water. What was below was brownish, like bare dirty land, but there were tiny specks that seemed to be leaving a wake as in water. After a few minutes the brown gradually gave way to blue. So sad. I have been trying to think of ways we can further decrease our oil consumption.

We spent most of the weekend trying to get our house into order. It is still not finished. I finally took my clothes out of boxes yesterday but now I simply have clothes strewn about the bedroom. The golden age of Amelia sitting and playing with things has mostly passed; she wants to be held or to hold your fingers and pull herself to standing or for you to sit with her and watch her practice crawling. All of which I am happy to do. I just can't get anything else done.

We have fallen into the beginnings of a pleasant little weekday routine. Wake up, breakfast, go to the park, nap, playtime, lunch, more playtime or an outing, nap again, play and snack, a dip in the baby pool, and another nap in the stroller just before Dean comes home. During Amelia's morning nap I have been writing and during the afternoon nap, reading. We've been twice to "Book Babies" at a nearby library and I've met two moms, one at Book Babies and one at the park. Plus our across-the-ally neighbors, who have a 15-month old.

I love our neighborhood. The houses are beautiful, old and colorful. They are pink and yellow and green and blue and purple; one is painted like a rainbow, one is painted like the night sky, complete with stars and a crescent moon. There are all kind of people walking around: old hippies and young hippies and people who look like 80's punk rockers with pierced lips and people pushing strollers and people with sagging pants and teenagers in bathing suits and children in small packs and people wearing suits and ties. Within 3-6 blocks of our house we have a park, a rec center with a pool, 4 or 5 bookstores, 2 or 3 vintage furniture shops, a cool clothing store where I got a beautiful purple skirt, a Goodwill and several other thrift stores, and so many restaurants--sushi, Thai, pizza, coffee shops, brew pubs, breakfast. And, I just found out, a delicious ice cream shop.

In Amelia news: teething. An upper left tooth has come in. I think it is a canine tooth. The right one is working its way out as we speak. It's funny because the upper front teeth (the incisors) aren't in yet. Just call her fang.

Fang is waking up. Gotta go--pictures are coming soon!