Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Faith and Annie!
I am very, very late in posting pictures from Debra, Faith and Annie's visit back in April.
As you can see, the girls wore matching pants.
They had a lot of fun going to the park, having lunch, and playing in the backyard while Debra and I caught up.
Annie is a fabulous baby, the kind that tries to trick you into thinking it wouldn't be that hard to have a second child.
And Faith is a wonderful big sister. Amelia loved playing with a big girl.
We are hoping to see our friends from "The Springs" again soon!
As you can see, the girls wore matching pants.
They had a lot of fun going to the park, having lunch, and playing in the backyard while Debra and I caught up.
Annie is a fabulous baby, the kind that tries to trick you into thinking it wouldn't be that hard to have a second child.
And Faith is a wonderful big sister. Amelia loved playing with a big girl.
We are hoping to see our friends from "The Springs" again soon!
Friday, May 20, 2011
19 Facts for 19 Months
1. 19 months has been a lot of fun! I somehow never imagined Amelia being older than 18 months. 18 months was a big milestone in my mind, a sort of "I've made it this far so I think I'm gonna make it!" I remember holding 3- or 4-month old Baby A, enviously staring at parents with 18-month-olds. So when Amelia turned 19 months old, it was kind of a shock: it keeps going after this? Maybe because I truly had no expectations, I have been pleasantly surprised.
Part of that is because 2. Amelia is talking more and more. With talking comes communicating, so it's easier to figure out what she wants and doesn't want. Also, it's hilarious. She repeats tons of what we say, including, this morning, "suck it." In context, it was fine--she found one of those mesh baby teether things and I was telling her what to do with it: "You suck it." She spent the next hour saying, "Suck it! Suck it!" Then she stopped. I am hoping she has forgotten it.
3. Other, less disturbing things she says:
"Momma Epyoo" (Momma help you.) She says this when she wants me to help her.
"Naken" (Naked). She loves to be naked. She needs Momma Epyoo to undress, though.
"Peekaboo!" It's adorable. She actually memorized a little peekaboo book, Peek-a-who, from the library. She has also done a few short sentences: "Momma comin'?" "Daddy doin'?" She makes it clear to us that we drop our "g's."
4. Amelia loves her extended family, and talks about them all the time. If we talk about what we are doing, she lists all of her family members and we have to say what they are all doing at that moment.
5. Amelia loves to sing. We also have to include all family members' names in one of her favorites songs, Raffi's Willougby Wallaby Woo. Other favorites songs include Raffi's song about going to the zoo, the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Old MacDonald.
6. We really are weaned. It really is done. Overall, it has been easier than I thought. Amelia asks for "mik" fewer times each day, and yesterday she seemed to do it almost as a joke. She drinks a lot more other liquids, which makes sense. She likes juice of all kinds, regular milk, and "chocate mik" (which is really chocolate soymilk, mostly for the sake of variety).
7. Amelia still snuggles! She likes to hug, to sit in my lap, or to play a games where she pushes me over and falls on me. And the last couple of naps, she has let me rock her to sleep! This is a huge improvement over crying for 10 minutes each and every naptime. I do think sometimes kids just have to cry themselves to sleep--or Amelia does anyway--but I just cannot take it at naptime.
8. These days Amelia is napping around 12-2, give or take 15-20 minutes on either side. It's predictable, for now, which probably adds to my general enjoyment of the days.
9. And we have a pretty set little routine, something I also enjoy. Amelia wakes up between 5 and 6 (sometimes before 5, yikes, but less and less). She likes to play upstairs for a while, then come down and have something to eat and drink. If it's cool and the heat is on, she likes to sit on the big heating vent in our living room and eat her snack. There are fairly large holes in the vent. Sometimes, from the kitchen, I can hear her muttering "too big, too big" or calling "Uh oh!" I have removed a wide variety of items from the vent, but luckily there is a flat place under the vent to catch anything that happens to fall. This is not the best toddler habit but I have decided that for now it is not a battle I want to fight. And it buys me time to clean up the kitchen.
After Dean leaves for work, Amelia and I play downstairs for awhile and read some books. Then we go upstairs and I take a shower while she plays in the bathroom. I take some toys in there to entertain her or she looks at the toiletries in the various baskets I have. (All babyproofed.) This week, she discovered a drawer that contained tampons and has been having a great time dissecting them. Again: it buys some time.
Then we get dressed, a long process, since sometime in the morning Amelia usually become naken. I try to brush her teeth, and once we are ready, we leave the house. On Mondays we go to the grocery store, and other days we go to the Children's Museum or some other fun place, or run other errands, or if it's nice, go to the park. I try to have her home by 11, and we have lunch. Then she messes around till noon while I half play with her, half straighten up. We read some more books, then nap.
After her nap she likes to play with animals in her crib for awhile, and then we usually try to get out of the house again. Amelia is much more grouchy about being in her car seat in the afternoons, so I don't like to go anywhere too far. My favorite thing is to just spend the afternoon in the park, but we haven't been able to do that much lately. Apparently of the 65 non-sunny days a year Denver supposedly has, 31 are in May. So afternoons this week have been challenging.
Anyway, Dean gets home around 5:15, and we all play/work in the yard, or I go to yoga (!; see below). Amelia tends to be hungry for dinner early, between 4:45 and 5:30. We feed her, then she plays till bathtime and goes to bed between 7 and 7:30.
The days are mostly very good.
10. One of my Mother's Day presents was an unlimited summer yoga pass. I picked it out myself. It lasts through July and I have been going to yoga as much as I can. I go in the evenings to a 6-7:15 class. It gives Dean and Amelia time to play and do the bath-bed routine. We have found that when I am in the house, she is much fussier about having me be right with her. If I go to "cass," she might be a little upset when I leave but quickly gets over it and everyone has a pleasant evening, especially Momma. I love going to yoga. May has been a bit more sporadic than I planned, but I have made it to at least 2 classes a week. I am hoping to go more even more often in June.
11. Teething: Amelia is getting her canine teeth. This has truly seemed to last forever, and they seem to bother her a lot more than most of her other teeth. She has drooled, run a low fever, and gnawed on her fingers a lot over the past two months at least. It has gotten so that when she gets too fussy, I just get out the Orajel. I will be glad when the teeth are finally in.
12. In other toddler behavior news, I should touch on eating and sleeping if only for the record. Amelia's eating remains very toddler-esque: she will eat like a horse for a few days, making her mother very happy, and then seem to eat almost nothing for a day or two or more. Highlights of the eating times have been berries of all types, a return to chickpeas, and tiny broccoli florets--raw. Discovering that she liked broccoli was an accident. I gave her a crown of broccoli to hold in the grocery store and she started chewing on it. She is definitely a grazer. Her favorite snacks are salty, crunchy ones like pretzels, crackers and Veggie Straws.
13. My most hated baby-related chore--and I have thought this through--is changing crib sheets. It's terrible! The sheets are super tight and they get caught up in the bumper pad and it takes forever and I think I pull a muscle every time I do it, which is often because Amelia spends so much time lolling in the sand in the park.
14. We are not exactly potty training, but we now own 2 training potties, one that sits on the floor and one that sits on the big potty. Amelia likes to take apart or fill with toys the one on the floor but other than that has no interest in using them. But since she is naken so much she is becoming more aware of when she needs to use the bathroom. She says "pee-pee" for both pee and poop, then proceeds to go on the floor. It seems to upset her so I try to be very upbeat and encouraging about it:
Me: Pee on the floor! That's great! Let's get a towel!
Amelia: (standing naked in a pool pf pee, looking upset) Momma epyoo! Towel!
15. Our garden is planted and growing. I owe you an entire garden-related post, but we (and by we I mean Dean) have planted tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, blueberries, asparagus, peas, radishes, and flowers, and squash and beans will be planted soon. Our fingers are crossed.
16. I love my Denver friends. The playgroup has really gelled, and I spend a lot of time with my neighbor and her daughter. It makes living here so much easier.
17. I still clean too much. I am trying to cut back, I swear.
18. How many ambulance rides have you taken in your life? Because Amelia has now had two. Last week, she fell out of her wagon and hit her head. She cried inconsolably for over 10 minutes, then got sleepy, so Dean called 911. Luckily, by the time the paramedics got here, she was much better. They took her to the ER just in case. The doctors all thought she was fine but watched her for 2 hours (in hospital time, if was just over 3). We were super relieved. It was terrifying while it lasted--one of those times that reveals to you the fact that your child is your entire world--but I think it says something that I just thought of it here at the end of the post. Um, welcome to parenthood? Just as I felt when she got through the appendix episode, I am deeply thankful that she is all right, still her sunny, funny, lovely self. I would think that Amelia could be finished with ambulance rides now, though. Seriously.
19. This is my 350th post. I am glad blogging is still part of my life. I had a community of blog "friends" long before I had very many real mom friends. I love the blogs I read (and I should say I stole this idea of a listed post from Liz's birthday post on BC), and I love writing posts too. This is the only baby journal I keep, and it is so nice to share Amelia with so many others.
Part of that is because 2. Amelia is talking more and more. With talking comes communicating, so it's easier to figure out what she wants and doesn't want. Also, it's hilarious. She repeats tons of what we say, including, this morning, "suck it." In context, it was fine--she found one of those mesh baby teether things and I was telling her what to do with it: "You suck it." She spent the next hour saying, "Suck it! Suck it!" Then she stopped. I am hoping she has forgotten it.
3. Other, less disturbing things she says:
"Momma Epyoo" (Momma help you.) She says this when she wants me to help her.
"Naken" (Naked). She loves to be naked. She needs Momma Epyoo to undress, though.
"Peekaboo!" It's adorable. She actually memorized a little peekaboo book, Peek-a-who, from the library. She has also done a few short sentences: "Momma comin'?" "Daddy doin'?" She makes it clear to us that we drop our "g's."
4. Amelia loves her extended family, and talks about them all the time. If we talk about what we are doing, she lists all of her family members and we have to say what they are all doing at that moment.
5. Amelia loves to sing. We also have to include all family members' names in one of her favorites songs, Raffi's Willougby Wallaby Woo. Other favorites songs include Raffi's song about going to the zoo, the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Old MacDonald.
6. We really are weaned. It really is done. Overall, it has been easier than I thought. Amelia asks for "mik" fewer times each day, and yesterday she seemed to do it almost as a joke. She drinks a lot more other liquids, which makes sense. She likes juice of all kinds, regular milk, and "chocate mik" (which is really chocolate soymilk, mostly for the sake of variety).
7. Amelia still snuggles! She likes to hug, to sit in my lap, or to play a games where she pushes me over and falls on me. And the last couple of naps, she has let me rock her to sleep! This is a huge improvement over crying for 10 minutes each and every naptime. I do think sometimes kids just have to cry themselves to sleep--or Amelia does anyway--but I just cannot take it at naptime.
8. These days Amelia is napping around 12-2, give or take 15-20 minutes on either side. It's predictable, for now, which probably adds to my general enjoyment of the days.
9. And we have a pretty set little routine, something I also enjoy. Amelia wakes up between 5 and 6 (sometimes before 5, yikes, but less and less). She likes to play upstairs for a while, then come down and have something to eat and drink. If it's cool and the heat is on, she likes to sit on the big heating vent in our living room and eat her snack. There are fairly large holes in the vent. Sometimes, from the kitchen, I can hear her muttering "too big, too big" or calling "Uh oh!" I have removed a wide variety of items from the vent, but luckily there is a flat place under the vent to catch anything that happens to fall. This is not the best toddler habit but I have decided that for now it is not a battle I want to fight. And it buys me time to clean up the kitchen.
After Dean leaves for work, Amelia and I play downstairs for awhile and read some books. Then we go upstairs and I take a shower while she plays in the bathroom. I take some toys in there to entertain her or she looks at the toiletries in the various baskets I have. (All babyproofed.) This week, she discovered a drawer that contained tampons and has been having a great time dissecting them. Again: it buys some time.
Then we get dressed, a long process, since sometime in the morning Amelia usually become naken. I try to brush her teeth, and once we are ready, we leave the house. On Mondays we go to the grocery store, and other days we go to the Children's Museum or some other fun place, or run other errands, or if it's nice, go to the park. I try to have her home by 11, and we have lunch. Then she messes around till noon while I half play with her, half straighten up. We read some more books, then nap.
After her nap she likes to play with animals in her crib for awhile, and then we usually try to get out of the house again. Amelia is much more grouchy about being in her car seat in the afternoons, so I don't like to go anywhere too far. My favorite thing is to just spend the afternoon in the park, but we haven't been able to do that much lately. Apparently of the 65 non-sunny days a year Denver supposedly has, 31 are in May. So afternoons this week have been challenging.
Anyway, Dean gets home around 5:15, and we all play/work in the yard, or I go to yoga (!; see below). Amelia tends to be hungry for dinner early, between 4:45 and 5:30. We feed her, then she plays till bathtime and goes to bed between 7 and 7:30.
The days are mostly very good.
10. One of my Mother's Day presents was an unlimited summer yoga pass. I picked it out myself. It lasts through July and I have been going to yoga as much as I can. I go in the evenings to a 6-7:15 class. It gives Dean and Amelia time to play and do the bath-bed routine. We have found that when I am in the house, she is much fussier about having me be right with her. If I go to "cass," she might be a little upset when I leave but quickly gets over it and everyone has a pleasant evening, especially Momma. I love going to yoga. May has been a bit more sporadic than I planned, but I have made it to at least 2 classes a week. I am hoping to go more even more often in June.
11. Teething: Amelia is getting her canine teeth. This has truly seemed to last forever, and they seem to bother her a lot more than most of her other teeth. She has drooled, run a low fever, and gnawed on her fingers a lot over the past two months at least. It has gotten so that when she gets too fussy, I just get out the Orajel. I will be glad when the teeth are finally in.
12. In other toddler behavior news, I should touch on eating and sleeping if only for the record. Amelia's eating remains very toddler-esque: she will eat like a horse for a few days, making her mother very happy, and then seem to eat almost nothing for a day or two or more. Highlights of the eating times have been berries of all types, a return to chickpeas, and tiny broccoli florets--raw. Discovering that she liked broccoli was an accident. I gave her a crown of broccoli to hold in the grocery store and she started chewing on it. She is definitely a grazer. Her favorite snacks are salty, crunchy ones like pretzels, crackers and Veggie Straws.
13. My most hated baby-related chore--and I have thought this through--is changing crib sheets. It's terrible! The sheets are super tight and they get caught up in the bumper pad and it takes forever and I think I pull a muscle every time I do it, which is often because Amelia spends so much time lolling in the sand in the park.
14. We are not exactly potty training, but we now own 2 training potties, one that sits on the floor and one that sits on the big potty. Amelia likes to take apart or fill with toys the one on the floor but other than that has no interest in using them. But since she is naken so much she is becoming more aware of when she needs to use the bathroom. She says "pee-pee" for both pee and poop, then proceeds to go on the floor. It seems to upset her so I try to be very upbeat and encouraging about it:
Me: Pee on the floor! That's great! Let's get a towel!
Amelia: (standing naked in a pool pf pee, looking upset) Momma epyoo! Towel!
15. Our garden is planted and growing. I owe you an entire garden-related post, but we (and by we I mean Dean) have planted tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, blueberries, asparagus, peas, radishes, and flowers, and squash and beans will be planted soon. Our fingers are crossed.
16. I love my Denver friends. The playgroup has really gelled, and I spend a lot of time with my neighbor and her daughter. It makes living here so much easier.
17. I still clean too much. I am trying to cut back, I swear.
18. How many ambulance rides have you taken in your life? Because Amelia has now had two. Last week, she fell out of her wagon and hit her head. She cried inconsolably for over 10 minutes, then got sleepy, so Dean called 911. Luckily, by the time the paramedics got here, she was much better. They took her to the ER just in case. The doctors all thought she was fine but watched her for 2 hours (in hospital time, if was just over 3). We were super relieved. It was terrifying while it lasted--one of those times that reveals to you the fact that your child is your entire world--but I think it says something that I just thought of it here at the end of the post. Um, welcome to parenthood? Just as I felt when she got through the appendix episode, I am deeply thankful that she is all right, still her sunny, funny, lovely self. I would think that Amelia could be finished with ambulance rides now, though. Seriously.
19. This is my 350th post. I am glad blogging is still part of my life. I had a community of blog "friends" long before I had very many real mom friends. I love the blogs I read (and I should say I stole this idea of a listed post from Liz's birthday post on BC), and I love writing posts too. This is the only baby journal I keep, and it is so nice to share Amelia with so many others.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Hospital Story, Part 2
So Dean and I left Amelia with the surgeons. We walked back up to our room where Dean's parents were waiting with dinner. It was hard to leave Amelia and I was scared but I also knew that she definitely was not going to get better without surgery. And we felt very good about the care she was getting at The Children's Hospital.
On yet another side note I want to say how amazing this hospital is. You should take some time to look at their virtual tour. It is a beautiful place and remarkably cheerful considering the fact that it is filled with sick kids. Every detail seems designed to engage children. It is filled with toys and sculptures and aquariums to play with and look at. Even the floors are beautiful--the main lobby floor is a collage of colorful birds and butterflies, and the floors in the elevator are studded with beads and glittery squiggles. And they have all these little red wagons for the kids to ride around in. There are playrooms and a library. There is a free daycare for siblings. There is a fabulous omelet bar in the cafeteria, and they make great pancakes too.
We had left Amelia for surgery at 6:20 PM, and the nurse said she would give us a call at 7:30 to let us know how things were going. As 7:30 approached and then passed, I got that nervous, faint-y feeling again. On the one hand, as I mentioned before, hospital time is not like real time. On the other hand, she had said "at" 7:30, not "around" or "close to" or something like that. She had said she would call us on the surgery waiting room phone if she couldn't reach Dean's cell, so I left Dean and his parents in the room and went back down to the waiting room. Then I was even more nervous there, so I called Luli and the nurse had just called Dean. When I got back up Dean relayed the nurse's report that Dr. Bruny had done everything she wanted to do, and we could meet the surgeons down in the waiting room in about twenty minutes.
So we went down and waited. When Dr. Bruny came out she said the surgery had gone well. Amelia's bowels had kind of rearranged themselves to block in her abscess so they were able to find and clean out the infection pretty easily, and they found and removed her appendix too. The only strange thing was that her appendix did not actually look perforated (aka burst). So they were not sure, if the appendix was in good shape, what would have caused the infection. But the doctor didn't seem concerned about it. I, however, immediately wondered if there was some sort of mystery disease Amelia could have that caused random weird infection in her body. But the doctor, again, didn't seem concerned. She said sometimes the appendix is perforated and you just can't see it, and sometimes you just never know what caused the problem.
I am going to fast forward here and say that we still really don't know what caused all this. Dr. Staetz told us that the germ that caused the abscess was a strep germ that usually abscesses in the brain, but the a surgeon told us it lived in the gut. (In any case it was not the same as the strep throat I was to get the following day.) The pathology report on Amelia's appendix showed that everything was consistent with appendicitis, although the pathologists did not see a perforation either. Picture a team of surgeons shrugging their shoulders here. Anyway, they fixed it.
So. Amelia was out of surgery and on morphine for pain and some other meds (an antibiotic, an anti-nausea drug, and maybe one more). The next day she mostly slept and was still very out of it. We were waiting and hoping for her to talk. But she still had this NG tube in (it goes from nose to belly and releases fluid and gas from the stomach), and she had to have these long braces on her arms so she wouldn't pull it out, so overall it was best that she was kind of in a morphine haze. The following day, Friday, I woke up feeling terrible, even for someone who had slept maybe 7 hours in the last 3 days. My throat was killing me and I thought I was going to collapse. The nurse checked my temperature and I had a fever, so Jim drove me home to rest for awhile. We got back to the hospital around 5 PM, and honestly I don't remember Amelia's state exactly. I know had already removed the NG tube and that we were waiting for her to start passing gas to relieve her swollen belly so they would not have to put the tube back in. I think sometime that day she started saying a few words and saying her animal sounds. Overall she was improving and already in much better shape.
Friday night was fairly peaceful for Amelia but horrible for me because of my sore throat. An angelic nurse gave me her own personal numbing cough drops, which go me through the night. First thing Saturday morning I drove to a nearby Urgent Care center and got a strep test, which was positive, so I got some penicillin. After I got that in my system, I started feeling better pretty quickly. However we were still worried about Amelia's distended belly. The doctors were saying that if she didn't start passing gas soon they would have to put back in the NG tube. Since Amelia was very aware of what was going on at this point, we all really wanted to avoid that. It would have made her totally miserable. She can't stand it when something is touching her face or stuck to her hands. She doesn't even like to wear a hat. So a tube taped to her face and itching her throat and nose would have been quite a trial. Plus putting the thing in is no picnic and having witnessed it once I was planning on being very vocal about not wanting the tube unless it was totally dire. Luckily, Amelia gradually got gassy. We were infinitely relieved.
Sunday was a day of waiting for poop. She was allowed to breastfeed again, and she was very happy about that. (I had requested a hospital pump and was pumping for maybe 5 minutes a night. I was too tired to do any more. Honestly I had come to terms with the idea that this might be the end of breastfeeding, but it all worked out okay.) Once Amelia had some milk, she started having more bowel sounds and finally some poop. Monday she ate some solid foods--Cheerios, rice and noodles Luli made and brought, some crackers. We had high hopes for going home on Tuesday. However, it was not to be. A blood test Tuesday morning showed that Amelia's white blood cell count was still slightly too high for the doctors' comfort. Dean and I were very frustrated because they told us that to go home, Amelia needed to be eating and pooping, and she was doing that. After several conversations with the surgeons we got the message that their decision might have more to do with medical liability than Amelia herself. Dean and I were frustrated because not only were we both tired of living in the hospital, we could tell that Amelia was just getting worn out. It was very hard for her to get much rest with nurses and doctors and who knows who else coming in and out of her room all the time. She looked exhausted and when we brought her back to our floor from a wagon ride, she would whimper when she saw where we were. And at lunch, when Amelia was sitting in my lap holding chicken finger in one hand and a cheese quesadilla in the other, it seemed plain silly to be in the hospital. But we made ourselves get over the frustration and tell ourselves that if out biggest problem with Amelia's doctors was that they were too careful, we were in good shape. (It turns out you can be frustrated and grateful at the same time. It was a spiritually interesting moment for me to realize that.)
Tuesday night was happy in that we had high hopes for getting out of the hospital the next day, and I even had hopes for a good night because the doctors had agreed that Amelia did not have to have her vitals checked while she was sleeping. Dean brought Thai food and the gratefulness in us had overcome the frustration. I have always tried to be grateful about Amelia's health, reminding myself when I am tired or frustrated how lucky I am to have a healthy baby. But I don't think I ever really appreciated it until we went through this. The truth is that what we went through, while obviously stressful, is nothing compared to what so many of the kids and parents in that hospital were and are going through. What was wrong with Amelia was not chronic and it is fixable. It is fixed. We are so grateful that she does not have cancer or a million other things that she just as easily could have. I still am thinking about those parents and kids many times a day, wishing them peace and strength. We are so, so lucky.
And I also want to thank everyone out there who sent us thoughts of healing and of love, who prayed for Amelia, who offered to help us with anything we needed, who called and texted and brought food and magazines and sent Amelia toys and crayons and balloons and cards. Each of those things really was so helpful. I knew I had good friends in Denver, but I didn't know how good they were until this! And we were especially lucky to have Dean's parents around. It will not go down as their best vacation ever, but their presence made it so much easier for Dean and me to get through the week. And even with so many of our friends and family members so far away, it was so helpful for me just to know how many people were thinking about Amelia, sending her support.
Wednesday morning, I woke up to a surgeon entering the room. He walked over to my air mattress and said, "Do you feel like going home today?"
Yes! And, although I was prepared to wait around most of the day for the discharge ball to get rolling, we ended up getting out of there pretty quickly because the hospital was totally full and they needed our room. Amelia got her last tube removed (note to surgeon: quietly singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while removing a main line from a screaming child is more sinister than comforting) and we got our instructions and off we went.
So we have been home two nights now. Amelia is getting better and better. She was wary at first, kind of looking around wondering where we had been for so long. You can tell her incision hurts when she squats down and tries to stand back up, and she is definitely not as agile or quick as she was before the surgery, but she already moving more and seems to be in less pain. Also, she is still a little overly poopy from her antibiotics. However, I just talked to a nurse and she said the poop sounds like a normal side effect. So I think we are in good shape.
I am very glad to have told this story and put it behind us. Look for some Amelia pictures to be posted soon--live from Denver, now appendix-free.
On yet another side note I want to say how amazing this hospital is. You should take some time to look at their virtual tour. It is a beautiful place and remarkably cheerful considering the fact that it is filled with sick kids. Every detail seems designed to engage children. It is filled with toys and sculptures and aquariums to play with and look at. Even the floors are beautiful--the main lobby floor is a collage of colorful birds and butterflies, and the floors in the elevator are studded with beads and glittery squiggles. And they have all these little red wagons for the kids to ride around in. There are playrooms and a library. There is a free daycare for siblings. There is a fabulous omelet bar in the cafeteria, and they make great pancakes too.
We had left Amelia for surgery at 6:20 PM, and the nurse said she would give us a call at 7:30 to let us know how things were going. As 7:30 approached and then passed, I got that nervous, faint-y feeling again. On the one hand, as I mentioned before, hospital time is not like real time. On the other hand, she had said "at" 7:30, not "around" or "close to" or something like that. She had said she would call us on the surgery waiting room phone if she couldn't reach Dean's cell, so I left Dean and his parents in the room and went back down to the waiting room. Then I was even more nervous there, so I called Luli and the nurse had just called Dean. When I got back up Dean relayed the nurse's report that Dr. Bruny had done everything she wanted to do, and we could meet the surgeons down in the waiting room in about twenty minutes.
So we went down and waited. When Dr. Bruny came out she said the surgery had gone well. Amelia's bowels had kind of rearranged themselves to block in her abscess so they were able to find and clean out the infection pretty easily, and they found and removed her appendix too. The only strange thing was that her appendix did not actually look perforated (aka burst). So they were not sure, if the appendix was in good shape, what would have caused the infection. But the doctor didn't seem concerned about it. I, however, immediately wondered if there was some sort of mystery disease Amelia could have that caused random weird infection in her body. But the doctor, again, didn't seem concerned. She said sometimes the appendix is perforated and you just can't see it, and sometimes you just never know what caused the problem.
I am going to fast forward here and say that we still really don't know what caused all this. Dr. Staetz told us that the germ that caused the abscess was a strep germ that usually abscesses in the brain, but the a surgeon told us it lived in the gut. (In any case it was not the same as the strep throat I was to get the following day.) The pathology report on Amelia's appendix showed that everything was consistent with appendicitis, although the pathologists did not see a perforation either. Picture a team of surgeons shrugging their shoulders here. Anyway, they fixed it.
So. Amelia was out of surgery and on morphine for pain and some other meds (an antibiotic, an anti-nausea drug, and maybe one more). The next day she mostly slept and was still very out of it. We were waiting and hoping for her to talk. But she still had this NG tube in (it goes from nose to belly and releases fluid and gas from the stomach), and she had to have these long braces on her arms so she wouldn't pull it out, so overall it was best that she was kind of in a morphine haze. The following day, Friday, I woke up feeling terrible, even for someone who had slept maybe 7 hours in the last 3 days. My throat was killing me and I thought I was going to collapse. The nurse checked my temperature and I had a fever, so Jim drove me home to rest for awhile. We got back to the hospital around 5 PM, and honestly I don't remember Amelia's state exactly. I know had already removed the NG tube and that we were waiting for her to start passing gas to relieve her swollen belly so they would not have to put the tube back in. I think sometime that day she started saying a few words and saying her animal sounds. Overall she was improving and already in much better shape.
Friday night was fairly peaceful for Amelia but horrible for me because of my sore throat. An angelic nurse gave me her own personal numbing cough drops, which go me through the night. First thing Saturday morning I drove to a nearby Urgent Care center and got a strep test, which was positive, so I got some penicillin. After I got that in my system, I started feeling better pretty quickly. However we were still worried about Amelia's distended belly. The doctors were saying that if she didn't start passing gas soon they would have to put back in the NG tube. Since Amelia was very aware of what was going on at this point, we all really wanted to avoid that. It would have made her totally miserable. She can't stand it when something is touching her face or stuck to her hands. She doesn't even like to wear a hat. So a tube taped to her face and itching her throat and nose would have been quite a trial. Plus putting the thing in is no picnic and having witnessed it once I was planning on being very vocal about not wanting the tube unless it was totally dire. Luckily, Amelia gradually got gassy. We were infinitely relieved.
Sunday was a day of waiting for poop. She was allowed to breastfeed again, and she was very happy about that. (I had requested a hospital pump and was pumping for maybe 5 minutes a night. I was too tired to do any more. Honestly I had come to terms with the idea that this might be the end of breastfeeding, but it all worked out okay.) Once Amelia had some milk, she started having more bowel sounds and finally some poop. Monday she ate some solid foods--Cheerios, rice and noodles Luli made and brought, some crackers. We had high hopes for going home on Tuesday. However, it was not to be. A blood test Tuesday morning showed that Amelia's white blood cell count was still slightly too high for the doctors' comfort. Dean and I were very frustrated because they told us that to go home, Amelia needed to be eating and pooping, and she was doing that. After several conversations with the surgeons we got the message that their decision might have more to do with medical liability than Amelia herself. Dean and I were frustrated because not only were we both tired of living in the hospital, we could tell that Amelia was just getting worn out. It was very hard for her to get much rest with nurses and doctors and who knows who else coming in and out of her room all the time. She looked exhausted and when we brought her back to our floor from a wagon ride, she would whimper when she saw where we were. And at lunch, when Amelia was sitting in my lap holding chicken finger in one hand and a cheese quesadilla in the other, it seemed plain silly to be in the hospital. But we made ourselves get over the frustration and tell ourselves that if out biggest problem with Amelia's doctors was that they were too careful, we were in good shape. (It turns out you can be frustrated and grateful at the same time. It was a spiritually interesting moment for me to realize that.)
Tuesday night was happy in that we had high hopes for getting out of the hospital the next day, and I even had hopes for a good night because the doctors had agreed that Amelia did not have to have her vitals checked while she was sleeping. Dean brought Thai food and the gratefulness in us had overcome the frustration. I have always tried to be grateful about Amelia's health, reminding myself when I am tired or frustrated how lucky I am to have a healthy baby. But I don't think I ever really appreciated it until we went through this. The truth is that what we went through, while obviously stressful, is nothing compared to what so many of the kids and parents in that hospital were and are going through. What was wrong with Amelia was not chronic and it is fixable. It is fixed. We are so grateful that she does not have cancer or a million other things that she just as easily could have. I still am thinking about those parents and kids many times a day, wishing them peace and strength. We are so, so lucky.
And I also want to thank everyone out there who sent us thoughts of healing and of love, who prayed for Amelia, who offered to help us with anything we needed, who called and texted and brought food and magazines and sent Amelia toys and crayons and balloons and cards. Each of those things really was so helpful. I knew I had good friends in Denver, but I didn't know how good they were until this! And we were especially lucky to have Dean's parents around. It will not go down as their best vacation ever, but their presence made it so much easier for Dean and me to get through the week. And even with so many of our friends and family members so far away, it was so helpful for me just to know how many people were thinking about Amelia, sending her support.
Wednesday morning, I woke up to a surgeon entering the room. He walked over to my air mattress and said, "Do you feel like going home today?"
Yes! And, although I was prepared to wait around most of the day for the discharge ball to get rolling, we ended up getting out of there pretty quickly because the hospital was totally full and they needed our room. Amelia got her last tube removed (note to surgeon: quietly singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while removing a main line from a screaming child is more sinister than comforting) and we got our instructions and off we went.
So we have been home two nights now. Amelia is getting better and better. She was wary at first, kind of looking around wondering where we had been for so long. You can tell her incision hurts when she squats down and tries to stand back up, and she is definitely not as agile or quick as she was before the surgery, but she already moving more and seems to be in less pain. Also, she is still a little overly poopy from her antibiotics. However, I just talked to a nurse and she said the poop sounds like a normal side effect. So I think we are in good shape.
I am very glad to have told this story and put it behind us. Look for some Amelia pictures to be posted soon--live from Denver, now appendix-free.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Welcome!
Two new babies have joined Emme in the world this week:
Dean's PDS office mate Mikey and her partner Joanne got to meet baby Claire on January 22,
and on Monday, Debra, Faith and Ryan got to meet Annie Joy!
Dean's PDS office mate Mikey and her partner Joanne got to meet baby Claire on January 22,
and on Monday, Debra, Faith and Ryan got to meet Annie Joy!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Blog Meets Blog!
We finally got to welcome Debra and Faith to the Mile High City yesterday. We have visited them in the Springs (ha! I always giggle when I say that) several times but I never have a camera with me.
We had lunch and then the girls played while Debra and I discussed possible methods of turning baby #2 (who is due in 2 weeks!) from the breach position. I showed Faith and Amelia the cat/cow poses we have been doing in toddler yoga, complete with moos and meows. And I loaned Debra something akin to a heat lamp. (Use your imagination.)
Please be sure to send baby-turning thoughts to Debra! I remember that Amelia was in the breach position for awhile and I was very unhappy about it. It sounds like Debra and her doctor have a good plan for what they will do if baby does not move, but obviously it would be more ideal for baby to turn. Turn, baby, turn!
Faith and the Goodwill Elephant
Amelia and Debra
Playing with my jewelry box
We had a very nice afternoon with our Colorado friends and we will see then again soon!
We had lunch and then the girls played while Debra and I discussed possible methods of turning baby #2 (who is due in 2 weeks!) from the breach position. I showed Faith and Amelia the cat/cow poses we have been doing in toddler yoga, complete with moos and meows. And I loaned Debra something akin to a heat lamp. (Use your imagination.)
Please be sure to send baby-turning thoughts to Debra! I remember that Amelia was in the breach position for awhile and I was very unhappy about it. It sounds like Debra and her doctor have a good plan for what they will do if baby does not move, but obviously it would be more ideal for baby to turn. Turn, baby, turn!
Faith and the Goodwill Elephant
Amelia and Debra
Playing with my jewelry box
We had a very nice afternoon with our Colorado friends and we will see then again soon!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Dear Baby B,
I keep putting off this letter in the hopes that you'll have arrived before I can finish, but it's time we talked.
I haven't heard from your mom in a couple of days, but I bet she is getting pretty tired. I wanted to be sure you knew how much the world is awaiting your arrival!
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't blame you: I'm not a big fan of going outside in the winter either. And you are surely nice and cozy where you are. But there are plenty of warm, fuzzy pajamas waiting for you. And warm arms. And a big brother who cannot wait to see his little sister!
Baby B, your fans are waiting! We want to know your real name! We want to see what you look like!
You might be upset because you missed 1-11-11. Consider that there is still time for a great palindrome of a birthday. 1-13-11, 1-14-11. Still cool!
Baby B, the world is one less without you here. Please come soon! We love you already.
Your friend,
Kim
I haven't heard from your mom in a couple of days, but I bet she is getting pretty tired. I wanted to be sure you knew how much the world is awaiting your arrival!
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't blame you: I'm not a big fan of going outside in the winter either. And you are surely nice and cozy where you are. But there are plenty of warm, fuzzy pajamas waiting for you. And warm arms. And a big brother who cannot wait to see his little sister!
Baby B, your fans are waiting! We want to know your real name! We want to see what you look like!
You might be upset because you missed 1-11-11. Consider that there is still time for a great palindrome of a birthday. 1-13-11, 1-14-11. Still cool!
Baby B, the world is one less without you here. Please come soon! We love you already.
Your friend,
Kim
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Blog Meets Blog
As you will recall, we kicked off our month of summer fun with a visit from my friend Liz and her son Oliver. Liz wrote about the visit much more promptly than I did (am doing), but rest assured it was a great week.
Last weekend I had some rare free time in our cabin in Estes Park (more on that soon), and I spent some of it catching up on my reading my blog list. I was really touched to read the nice things Liz had to say about her visit here and about our friendship.
I have probably written about this before but Liz and I met at Governor's School East in 1996. We spent 6 weeks becoming lifetime friends. I LOVED everything about GSE, especially getting to know Liz, and when it came time to go home that summer, I was heartbroken--except I wasn't that sad to leave Liz. I knew--I just knew--that we would always be friends.
As things worked out, we were--but also sort of weren't. We thought we might be college roommates, but then went to different universities. After college, we went our separate ways and only rarely wrote each other very short emails. But when somehow--I don't quite remember how--I started reading Liz's blog. Then I started my own blog. Then Liz and I shared some pieces of writing through email, and then she had a baby. Then I had a baby--and we were in touch constantly.
I wouldn't call Liz one of my "mommy friends"-- those are the friends you have just because you are a mom, people you wouldn't really have much to say to if you weren't both sitting on blankets in the park, trying to prevent your babies from eating too much grass. Liz is my friend because she is kind, funny, and super smart, because she is just one of those people, rare in my life at least, that I liked immediately and liked more the more I got to know her. But she has been one of my most important friends who is also a mom. Oliver was born a year and a month before Amelia, and not only has Liz patiently dispensed advice regarding breast pumps, diapers, baby monitors, and God knows what else, watching the adventures of Liz and little G has also, more importantly, given me a model of what life as a mother can look like. Liz is a mom but also a teacher and a writer , a wife, a sister and a daughter, a blogger and a friend to others and someone who takes time for herself--not to mention a pregnant person. And now she is also a PhD student. She wrote that she is nervous about this new venture, understandably so, but if anyone can do it, it's you, Liz! I have no doubts. You will make a truly outstanding professor of education.
Anyway, so Liz and Oliver came to visit! We had a great time, especially considering that due to A and G's different ages and nap schedules, one of them was sleeping for a great part of each day. We managed trips to both the zoo and to Book Babies, and had daily picnics in the park. Liz was very patient with some of Amelia's more difficult nap episodes and my fear of driving on Denver's Interstate 25, which made our travels from and to the airport take longer than they really should have. (I have since conquered that fear--yea me! I am a grownup who can drive on the busiest stretch of interstate in Colorado!--but at the time I insisted on taking the long way.) It was a real treat to have so much time to catch up with Liz and to really meet Oliver, who I have read about extensively but spent little actual time with. He is a fabulous kid. He is calm, happy, loving--and he can put away an impressive number of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!
Speaking of the airport, I cried when we dropped them off. Thanks for visiting, Liz. I wish you lived next door, but I know we will be friends wherever we are.
P.S.! The fish oil smell is all gone. :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
You might be wondering...
What's Amelia been up to these days?
Well, she's been enjoying wearing her cowgirl outfit around the Hill--jacket made by Luli, boots courtesy of grand-aunt Linda:
She had a great visit with her best friend Sophie:
She tasted her first "solid," if you call five parts breast milk to one part rice cereal a solid:
She was not a huge fan. We might wait a few weeks to try again.
She's teething, we think, and loves this infinity teething ring:
She also loves to wallow around on a towel, in the nude.
It's a good life.
Well, she's been enjoying wearing her cowgirl outfit around the Hill--jacket made by Luli, boots courtesy of grand-aunt Linda:
She had a great visit with her best friend Sophie:
She tasted her first "solid," if you call five parts breast milk to one part rice cereal a solid:
She was not a huge fan. We might wait a few weeks to try again.
She's teething, we think, and loves this infinity teething ring:
She also loves to wallow around on a towel, in the nude.
It's a good life.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tying Up Loose Ends
Since I never finished Thanksgiving parts 5, 6 or 7, I thought I'd end the year in gratitude.
I am thankful
-for my family, by which I mean the family I came from and Dean's family. Now that we have Amelia I feel like both families really are "our" families. I am thankful for everyone who loves Amelia so much and spent so much QT with her over our vacation while Dean and I did such things as go on our first post-baby date, walk on the beach, read, and eat dinner at the same time!
-for my mother and Luli, who have each agreed to come stay with us once a month to babysit when my new semester begins. It makes me so happy that A can be taken care of by her grandmothers (and sometimes grandfathers) even though we live so far apart.
-for Dean's and my own flexible jobs, which will allow us to work/teach from home twice a month to cover the other days A will need care
-for the rainforest playmat that is currently entertaining A while I write
-for the breastpump, which I also sort of hate, but I am thankful for the freedom it gives me to both feed my baby breastmilk AND occasionally leave her for more than 3 hours
-for my wonderful friends. Even though I rarely get to see most of them, I am so thankful to know such smart and capable women.
-for yoga
-for this blog--it is a fun space to think, record, and write. And I am thankful for my readers! I am always a bit surprised when I realize that people actually read what I write. I am sorry my posts are so sporadic lately. (Blame it on little A.) And I am thankful for my little blogging community, which are some of the best mommy friends I have.
-that, despite all of the uncertainty about the future, I have a happy and healthy little family here in our cozy rented townhouse in DC, where we will make pizza for dinner and continue our tradition of going to bed well before midnight on New Year's Eve!
I am thankful
-for my family, by which I mean the family I came from and Dean's family. Now that we have Amelia I feel like both families really are "our" families. I am thankful for everyone who loves Amelia so much and spent so much QT with her over our vacation while Dean and I did such things as go on our first post-baby date, walk on the beach, read, and eat dinner at the same time!
-for my mother and Luli, who have each agreed to come stay with us once a month to babysit when my new semester begins. It makes me so happy that A can be taken care of by her grandmothers (and sometimes grandfathers) even though we live so far apart.
-for Dean's and my own flexible jobs, which will allow us to work/teach from home twice a month to cover the other days A will need care
-for the rainforest playmat that is currently entertaining A while I write
-for the breastpump, which I also sort of hate, but I am thankful for the freedom it gives me to both feed my baby breastmilk AND occasionally leave her for more than 3 hours
-for my wonderful friends. Even though I rarely get to see most of them, I am so thankful to know such smart and capable women.
-for yoga
-for this blog--it is a fun space to think, record, and write. And I am thankful for my readers! I am always a bit surprised when I realize that people actually read what I write. I am sorry my posts are so sporadic lately. (Blame it on little A.) And I am thankful for my little blogging community, which are some of the best mommy friends I have.
-that, despite all of the uncertainty about the future, I have a happy and healthy little family here in our cozy rented townhouse in DC, where we will make pizza for dinner and continue our tradition of going to bed well before midnight on New Year's Eve!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Dear Amelia
I've gotten lots of well-wishes over the weekend, including this beautiful letter from Liz. It's a full moon! Please join Liz--not to mention me and Dean--in inviting Amelia to come join the world outside the womb!
~~~~~~~
Dear Amelia,
I know we haven't met yet, but I'm one of your mom's friends, and I thought I should introduce myself early so you'll know me from an early age. Your mom and I have been great pen pals over the years (well not always great at being pen pals, since we had our occasional lulls in letter-writing, but great pen pals nonetheless), so I thought something in the form of a letter would be most appropriate.
I know from reading your mom's blog that you're still on the inside, and she's rather ready for you to come out. In fact, there are lots of us out here ready for you to come out and show yourself to the world. I keep waiting to log on to Question Air and see it say, "The pot is simmering" or boiling or boiling over! But no luck. It sounds like you're making some progress, helping mom's body open up for you, but you're going to have to make a big move to get things going.
My guess is that you're a little nervous about coming out. It's all warm and snuggly there in mommy's belly. You're familiar with the space -- maybe you even have some posters of My Little Pony up on the walls. You can sleep when you want, stay close to mom, don't even have to work hard to get your food. But here's the thing -- things are great on the outside, too. You have not just a mom, but a dad, and he'd super-love to get to hold you, too. And mom would like to be able to put you down sometimes -- not for long, I promise, but just to get a little break. They want to see your face and kiss you and snuggle you close. And there's even more people who love you and want to see you, too -- like grandparents and an aunt and uncle. They've been waiting for you and getting excited about you coming for a long time. You are a dream come true for all of them, and they can't wait to meet you.
I remember when my little boy was snuggled up inside of me. It was a wonderful time for him and me both, but he eventually decided to head out (haha), and it's been loads of fun since then. Now he can crawl and is learning to stand. He gets to eat lots of different things. He can pat the doggie (you have a cat named Suki) and sit in my lap to read a book. When he came out I got to see his cute dimples, especially when he smiles. Do you have dimples? We don't know yet because we can't see you!
So please, please, Amelia, come out and see us! You mom and dad are totally ready. They're getting worried that if you don't come out on your own, someone will come in after you, and no one wants that!
We love you, Amelia!
Miss Liz
~~~~~~~
Dear Amelia,
I know we haven't met yet, but I'm one of your mom's friends, and I thought I should introduce myself early so you'll know me from an early age. Your mom and I have been great pen pals over the years (well not always great at being pen pals, since we had our occasional lulls in letter-writing, but great pen pals nonetheless), so I thought something in the form of a letter would be most appropriate.
I know from reading your mom's blog that you're still on the inside, and she's rather ready for you to come out. In fact, there are lots of us out here ready for you to come out and show yourself to the world. I keep waiting to log on to Question Air and see it say, "The pot is simmering" or boiling or boiling over! But no luck. It sounds like you're making some progress, helping mom's body open up for you, but you're going to have to make a big move to get things going.
My guess is that you're a little nervous about coming out. It's all warm and snuggly there in mommy's belly. You're familiar with the space -- maybe you even have some posters of My Little Pony up on the walls. You can sleep when you want, stay close to mom, don't even have to work hard to get your food. But here's the thing -- things are great on the outside, too. You have not just a mom, but a dad, and he'd super-love to get to hold you, too. And mom would like to be able to put you down sometimes -- not for long, I promise, but just to get a little break. They want to see your face and kiss you and snuggle you close. And there's even more people who love you and want to see you, too -- like grandparents and an aunt and uncle. They've been waiting for you and getting excited about you coming for a long time. You are a dream come true for all of them, and they can't wait to meet you.
I remember when my little boy was snuggled up inside of me. It was a wonderful time for him and me both, but he eventually decided to head out (haha), and it's been loads of fun since then. Now he can crawl and is learning to stand. He gets to eat lots of different things. He can pat the doggie (you have a cat named Suki) and sit in my lap to read a book. When he came out I got to see his cute dimples, especially when he smiles. Do you have dimples? We don't know yet because we can't see you!
So please, please, Amelia, come out and see us! You mom and dad are totally ready. They're getting worried that if you don't come out on your own, someone will come in after you, and no one wants that!
We love you, Amelia!
Miss Liz
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Baby Shower!
Thanks to everyone who came to our baby shower on Saturday! It was great to see everyone, and I was amazed at how many people told me they read the blog. I am always a little overwhelmed at parties in my honor, but it quickly became clear, by how all hands went immediately to my belly, that the real guest of honor wasn't me--I just carry her around. Whew--what a relief!
It was a beautiful day, and the baby seems to have almost everything she needs! We have pretty much reached Liz's suggested number of BumGenius diapers, and we have blankets and a bathtub and a nursing stool... a variety of lovely dresses, pajama sets, and stylish outfits for the baby... many useful items from other moms and dads and grandparents that we had no idea we needed, but clearly do... and lots of toys, including a playmat and two trucks!... and some lovely items for the baby's "nursery," a.k.a. our hallway, including a handmade wall hanging made by Luli! I will post a nursery picture of as soon as we get everything set up (which, as we know, will be by August 31 at the latest).
We are so grateful for our friends' and family's kindness and generousity. A special thank you to Luli and Corrie, for putting it all together, and to Liz and Oliver for driving all the way from Nashville to attend!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Joy, Terror, Despair
Those are the three emotions I seem to cycle through on a fairly regular basis. To call them "mood swings" is a bit of an understatement. I'm talking extreme happiness one day, extreme sadness the next. Yes, I know--the hormones. But it's been interesting to consider what else causes these feelings.
The terror should be pretty obvious. I am having a baby and I am going to have to figure out what to do with it--I mean her. I've read enough to know that there is no real way to plan for this. Of course on the one hand there are LOTS of ways to plan. We've picked out baby items. Set up a crib. Signed up for birth and baby care classes. I have read tons and tons and tons about pregnancy, labor, birth, the first year, sleeping, nursing, etc. But until it happens, I have no way of knowing what will actually happen! I don't know when the baby is coming, or how, and I don't know how long I will need to stop teaching after she comes. I don't know how nursing will go. I don't know if the used breast pump I just got will work. I don't know how much I will get to sleep. If at all.
I don't know from day to day if I will feel good, horrible or somewhere in the middle. I don't know if I will have a good writing day or be too tired or nauseous to write anything worth saving. I am a planner. I like to be in control. I like to make lists and cross things off as I complete them. Having a baby is a huge reminder of how out of control life really is. It's overwhelming.
Being overwhelmed, I think, mixed with the terror like some kind of cheap, sub par martini bar cocktail, leads to the despair.
But.
At the same time--actually NOT at the same time, but soon or eventually following--is the joy. I have a lot to celebrate. In fact (caution--swift mood-swing-like transition here--), I thought I would take some time to count my blessings:
1) I have a very healthy baby! This is too easy to take for granted. A friend of a friend is pregnant with twin boys and has had a really scary, difficult time. Each time I remember her I feel guilty for being blue about nausea, weariness, the uncertainty of the future, or just plain nothing. I am very, very thankful that the baby has been so healthy and happy. (Every time the doctor checks her heartbeat, he says, "What a happy baby!")
2) I have a great husband and partner. Dean is very patient, loving and supportive. He is very excited about the part where the baby actually comes, which I find very helpful and hopeful. If I say I am terrified, he waves his hand and says "It's going to be great!" (This COULD be annoying but isn't--it's actually extremely reassuring.)
3) I have a wonderful family. From parents to parents-in-law, sister to aunts and everyone in between, my entire family has been nothing but kind, loving, generous and supportive. The nameless wiggle baby is very loved already.
4) I have terrific friends. You know who you are. Without your endless and amazingly thorough advice, I would be a zillion times more lost and overwhelmed.
5) I have a flexible, relatively well-paying summer job that gives me time to write.
6) I have a flexible, relatively well-paying teaching gig for the fall, AND I found a great person to fill in for me for 6 weeks after the baby is born. Dean's job will allow him to stay home with the baby while I teach two mornings a week after that.
7) We have a lovely (albeit rented) home, well-chilled with central air, lots of good food, a soft bed, a soft cat (and soft pillows, a soft couch, six-and-counting soft, soft baby blankets...)
8) The blueberry cobbler I made yesterday turned out well! I am NOT a good baker, folks. This was a real triumph. I can go to the fridge at any time and get some, with ice cream. Yum.
9) We have home-grown tomatoes just steps from our back door.
10) Dean just came home and is going to cook dinner for me.
11) I have spent the last hour on the aforementioned soft couch, doing what I love (a.k.a. writing), with the wiggle baby kicking or bopping around inside me in a happy and reassuring fashion.
What more could a wanna-be poet and mama-to-be ask for?
The terror should be pretty obvious. I am having a baby and I am going to have to figure out what to do with it--I mean her. I've read enough to know that there is no real way to plan for this. Of course on the one hand there are LOTS of ways to plan. We've picked out baby items. Set up a crib. Signed up for birth and baby care classes. I have read tons and tons and tons about pregnancy, labor, birth, the first year, sleeping, nursing, etc. But until it happens, I have no way of knowing what will actually happen! I don't know when the baby is coming, or how, and I don't know how long I will need to stop teaching after she comes. I don't know how nursing will go. I don't know if the used breast pump I just got will work. I don't know how much I will get to sleep. If at all.
I don't know from day to day if I will feel good, horrible or somewhere in the middle. I don't know if I will have a good writing day or be too tired or nauseous to write anything worth saving. I am a planner. I like to be in control. I like to make lists and cross things off as I complete them. Having a baby is a huge reminder of how out of control life really is. It's overwhelming.
Being overwhelmed, I think, mixed with the terror like some kind of cheap, sub par martini bar cocktail, leads to the despair.
But.
At the same time--actually NOT at the same time, but soon or eventually following--is the joy. I have a lot to celebrate. In fact (caution--swift mood-swing-like transition here--), I thought I would take some time to count my blessings:
1) I have a very healthy baby! This is too easy to take for granted. A friend of a friend is pregnant with twin boys and has had a really scary, difficult time. Each time I remember her I feel guilty for being blue about nausea, weariness, the uncertainty of the future, or just plain nothing. I am very, very thankful that the baby has been so healthy and happy. (Every time the doctor checks her heartbeat, he says, "What a happy baby!")
2) I have a great husband and partner. Dean is very patient, loving and supportive. He is very excited about the part where the baby actually comes, which I find very helpful and hopeful. If I say I am terrified, he waves his hand and says "It's going to be great!" (This COULD be annoying but isn't--it's actually extremely reassuring.)
3) I have a wonderful family. From parents to parents-in-law, sister to aunts and everyone in between, my entire family has been nothing but kind, loving, generous and supportive. The nameless wiggle baby is very loved already.
4) I have terrific friends. You know who you are. Without your endless and amazingly thorough advice, I would be a zillion times more lost and overwhelmed.
5) I have a flexible, relatively well-paying summer job that gives me time to write.
6) I have a flexible, relatively well-paying teaching gig for the fall, AND I found a great person to fill in for me for 6 weeks after the baby is born. Dean's job will allow him to stay home with the baby while I teach two mornings a week after that.
7) We have a lovely (albeit rented) home, well-chilled with central air, lots of good food, a soft bed, a soft cat (and soft pillows, a soft couch, six-and-counting soft, soft baby blankets...)
8) The blueberry cobbler I made yesterday turned out well! I am NOT a good baker, folks. This was a real triumph. I can go to the fridge at any time and get some, with ice cream. Yum.
9) We have home-grown tomatoes just steps from our back door.
10) Dean just came home and is going to cook dinner for me.
11) I have spent the last hour on the aforementioned soft couch, doing what I love (a.k.a. writing), with the wiggle baby kicking or bopping around inside me in a happy and reassuring fashion.
What more could a wanna-be poet and mama-to-be ask for?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Cloudy With a Chance of Showers
The nameless wiggle baby was given not one but two baby showers last week. They were wonderful! Everyone was so kind and generous.
The first shower, last Thursday, was a family shower planned mostly by my aunt Carolyn. Thank you Carolyn! And thank you to the rest of my family too. It was a lovely shower, with great food and super cute decorations. Not to mention the super cute gifts. The baby now has more clothes than I do. The days of documenting each individual baby item are over, I guess, but everyone picked out great stuff, lots of precious dresses and gowns and skirts and t-shirts and onesies. One particularly scary onesie says "sleep is for the weak." Yikes!
It was great to be able to talk to my aunts and cousins about pregnancy and motherhood. Collectively they have a lot of advice to share. When the shower began, I was a little sad that my grandmother could not be there, but I tried to be happy to feel her presence in all of the other wonderful women I was with.
Then on Saturday, Meg and her mom threw us another shower in Chapel Hill. It too was beautiful. I got to see lots of friends and family, and again everyone was so generous. The baby received more lovely clothes, blankets, lots of practical items like baby wash and outlet plugs, and lots of fun things like books and toys and a rainforest play mat and a piggy bank. It took Dean and I many trips up the back stairs to unload everything yesterday. I had fun sitting down with Dean to show him everything. Right now the baby stuff is in bags or small piles in storage, but we think that next weekend we are going to start setting things up so that we don't have to avoid tripping over piles of baby items for the next 3 months. I will post pictures when things look a little better.
We are so grateful to have so many wonderful friends and family members. Thank you all for everything! And if all this weren't enough, we have another baby shower to look forward to soon--Luli and Corrie are giving us another shower in August!
The first shower, last Thursday, was a family shower planned mostly by my aunt Carolyn. Thank you Carolyn! And thank you to the rest of my family too. It was a lovely shower, with great food and super cute decorations. Not to mention the super cute gifts. The baby now has more clothes than I do. The days of documenting each individual baby item are over, I guess, but everyone picked out great stuff, lots of precious dresses and gowns and skirts and t-shirts and onesies. One particularly scary onesie says "sleep is for the weak." Yikes!
It was great to be able to talk to my aunts and cousins about pregnancy and motherhood. Collectively they have a lot of advice to share. When the shower began, I was a little sad that my grandmother could not be there, but I tried to be happy to feel her presence in all of the other wonderful women I was with.
Then on Saturday, Meg and her mom threw us another shower in Chapel Hill. It too was beautiful. I got to see lots of friends and family, and again everyone was so generous. The baby received more lovely clothes, blankets, lots of practical items like baby wash and outlet plugs, and lots of fun things like books and toys and a rainforest play mat and a piggy bank. It took Dean and I many trips up the back stairs to unload everything yesterday. I had fun sitting down with Dean to show him everything. Right now the baby stuff is in bags or small piles in storage, but we think that next weekend we are going to start setting things up so that we don't have to avoid tripping over piles of baby items for the next 3 months. I will post pictures when things look a little better.
We are so grateful to have so many wonderful friends and family members. Thank you all for everything! And if all this weren't enough, we have another baby shower to look forward to soon--Luli and Corrie are giving us another shower in August!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Baby Stuff
Yesterday, I met a friend for lunch and a trip to the Pentagon City Mall. She had kindly agreed to make the dreaded trip across the river with me because I wanted to get these hard candies that supposedly help with morning sickness. They are called Preggie Pops--actually, the ones I got are Preggie Pop Drops. (I am sucking one now. I suppose the nausea I felt before sitting down at the computer has eased, but that could just be because I sat down and stopped paying attention to Dean packing his lunch.)
Anyway, they sell the drops/pops at Motherhood Maternity. When we went in, I was immediately overwhelmed at the maternity clothes, but my friend Laura was enchanted. She started looking through the clothes and pulling things out for me to try one.
"Well, I guess I could try on a pair of jeans...," I said. Over an hour and at least 20 garments later, I had a pile of really cute clothes that I wanted to buy. After adding up the prices, I decided I couldn't get them all, but I ended up with a short, lightweight jean skirt, a dress, a pair of very soft cargo pants, and a few tops. Interestingly, the pants and skirts all fit NOW, which is only half-surprising, since my regular jeans have started to feel pretty tight around the waist. I actually didn't buy a pair of jeans, since the ones that had were all made from very heavy denim, and it gets so hot here in the summer that I really want to find some lightweight ones. I only plan on having one pair. Laura has kindly offered to go with me tomorrow to Old Navy to see what they have. I figure if I don't do it over spring break, it won't get done till summer (unless I get the rumored 2nd-trimester-manic energy that I am wholly hoping to get VERY SOON).
It was great to have Laura there. If I hadn't gone with a friend, I probably would have bought the candies and walked out, possibly in tears. But she is an excellent shopper and found great stuff! It's funny, I hadn't expected to have a friend here in DC that would be able to help me with these kind of things. I have known Laura a while but she and were originally "school friends." I nervously told her about the pregnancy a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure how she would react since she herself is pretty far away from wanting to start a family, but I had to tell her something, since, as my friend, she had noticed that I was not myself, to put it mildly. (I think she was starting to think I had mono or cancer or something.) Anyway, I was afraid she would think that by having a baby I was making a huge mistake and ruining my chances at being a poet. I most likely was just projecting some of my own reservations, though, because she was super-excited and super-supportive. When I told her, she got all teary and hugged me across the table and was just generally very happy, even saying, all on her own, that this was a great time for Dean and I to have a baby. It was great, very reassuring.
So! Three cheers for Laura! To get back to the shopping story, I tried on a lot of the stuff with the fake baby bump/ strap-on pillow thing in the dressing room. It was alarming. I hope my real baby isn't so lumpy. After leaving Motherhood Maternity, we went to Pea in the Pod and stayed there exactly 23 seconds, which was long enough to see that all their cute T-shirts were $85 or more. The one pair of jeans I looked at was $118. Honestly, I don't pay that much for regular jeans that I can wear a long time! No Pea in the Pod for me.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun, which is remarkable, because I usually get a headache in the mall. I didn't feel sick all afternoon!
FYI, in case anyone's interested, while writing this post, I finished the first Preggie Pop Drop (lemon) and got another (apple). They ARE soothing.
The other picture above, the one that isn't clothes, is a collection of baby stuff we have so far. My friend Corrie sent the cow rattle (note the udders), my mom sent the socks (see how the sneaker socks have laces?), and the bottle was part of a free gift from the maternity clothes shopping. It freaks me out a little, honestly, but it added nicely to the picture.
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