"Good times, bad times...

you know we've had our sha-ar-re..."

These lyrics have been in my head recently. (Is the real song in first person singular? Hmm.) Anyway, these lines describe our last few weeks very well. A few weeks before Amelia was born, I was talking to my friend Corrie on the phone, telling her about my mood swings: sometimes I was very happy, sometimes in bleak despair. She said she thought maybe that was what having kids was like in general, some really good times, some really bad ones. Based on four weeks with Amelia, I'd say that sounds about right. Sometimes I am incredibly delighted by her; other times, such as when she has been screaming for an hour, I look at her and think, "What have we done?"I guess this is normal. In general, it's a good spiritual lesson for me about living in the moment, enjoying the good times and breathing though the bad times.

I've always been a worrier, and recently I've been remembering something I used to do when I was a little girl. I would create a mental checklist of all the different categories of my life: school, home, friends. I would think through all of the recent events in these categories and consider whether they were all problem-free. If they were, I could relax and be happy. If they weren't, I would worry until whatever wasn't "perfect" was fixed. For example, one Christmas vacation--I think it was in third grade--I had an overdue library book. Actually the librarian said it was overdue; I thought I had turned it in. So I thought maybe it was lost. I hemmed and hawed in my mind about the book all of Christmas break. Even as I opened presents, the book was in the back of my mind. When I went back to school, the book had turned up. So all the worry was for naught.

Obviously there is a lesson here. I am getting a little better about saying, this too shall pass, as opposed to being constantly worried about the next crying fit or how much Amelia will sleep during the coming night. Currently Amelia is sleeping in the carrier and Suki is on my lap. I'll see how far I can use this quiet time to write about our last couple of weeks!

So yesterday, Amelia began wearing her cloth diapers:



We thought they were too big but Dean decided just to put one on her and they actually fit pretty well! She seems to like them. They are much softer than the disposable ones. We are figuring out our system of rinsing and storing them until they are washed. The hose that attaches to the toilet is key in this process. There has only been a little random spraying of freezing cold water.

As we tried out the diapers, Suki discovered the diaper drawer:



Second, yesterday was of course Halloween. Amelia wore her Halloween pajamas that Bubbles sent her. She loved them.




We were going to take her trick or treating, but she decided to be a colicky baby for Halloween. (It was a good choice: that is, obviously, the scariest thing she could possibly be.) She cried from about 5-8 last night. I think it was because we took her on a long walk right before 5 and it messed up her normal nap schedule. By 5:30, she was clearly very tired but wouldn't let herself drop off to sleep. We rocked, swaddled, and sang, but she didn't settle down till after 8pm, when I tried to feed her again. She nursed furiously for about 3 minutes and fell asleep. Luckily she then slept well for the rest of the night, waking up as usual every 3 hours or so to eat but going back to sleep soon after.

We plan to be more careful about her afternoon nap today.

Also, Amelia likes to read:



She is quite a thinker.



In general, Dean and I have just been hanging out and getting to know our baby. We are excited about the coming weeks, in which she might smile at us! Also, the baby week-by-week books says she might sleep for 6 hours at a time...

Before Amelia's birth, I kept thinking about the metaphor of the roller coaster. Now that she is here, I realize we are still on the ride--and for better and for worse, we are never getting off! For now, we are all gradually settling in to our new family and learning how to enjoy the ride.