Blue

In a perfect world, everyone I love would live in the same neighborhood. Amelia's grandparents would live across the street. The rest of our family would live close by. My friends would all live on the same block. Everyone would share child care and dinners and milestones and holidays.

In the real world, we live at least several hundred, if not a couple of thousand, miles from the people we love. My mom just left after a short visit, and I am blue.

Believe it or not, it's not about the baby care. Although I had a great time going to yoga and the mall and getting groceries all by myself while my mom was here, for the most part I really enjoy day to day life hanging out with Amelia. It's much easier, in my opinion, to take care of a toddler than a baby. Maybe it's just because it's more varied--it's certainly not because it's problem-free--but anyway, I am not sad because I miss having time to myself. I am sad because it's so clear how much Amelia loves my mom, and my mom loves Amelia, and they miss each other. The same is true for Dean's mom, and our dads, and our siblings, and our grandparents and aunts and cousins.

When Dean and I were deciding to leave DC not for NC but for Colorado, I made a list titled "Why I'm Moving to Denver." I kept it in my jewelry box and came across it, oddly, just this morning. Everything on the list holds true. Once upon a time, two people decided to have a baby without planning--at all--how they were actually going to live life with a baby, and Denver and the great job it offered to Dean has allowed us, overall, to have excellent lives. We like the city, its vibrancy and lack of crippling traffic, its laid-back, friendly citizens and all the fun it offers. We love our house. I love all of the friends I have made here. I love the fact that I can stay home and raise my daughter without worrying too much about money. But I still sometimes wish that Denver--and the Rocky Mountains, so Dean wouldn't be too sad--could magically be transported about 1,500 miles east. Or that our families would move west. Hint, hint.

On the bright side, we have two visits to NC planned soon. And more family visits to Denver are in the works. The good thing about living so far away is that family visits are special and tend to be very happy. Amelia learns so much every time she spends time with my parents and Dean's; it's like she blossoms. And today, as I was talking to a Denver friend whose parents live a 4-hour drive away, I realized that Amelia had seen both sets of her grandparents more times throughout the last year than my friend's son had seen his. So while it's not my perfect world, we make it work.