Good-Bye May

It's crazy to think it's the last day of May. May has been a blur for me. It seems like it just started.

The last week has been somewhat eventful. First, I got an exciting package in the mail from my mom and sister, including some new maternity jeans (WHY do they fall down when they have such a nice belly to cling to???) and THESE beautiful shirts from Heather, tie-dye artist extraordinaire.




Also, I started my new job in the English Department. The department is moving to a new building in another week, so mostly, I've been packing boxes. I also did a significant amount of shredding paper. After the move, I'll be unpacking and organizing, and then, I suppose, other office work when everything is settled.

I also sat back down at the computer again last week, to write poems. It's a difficult stage, restarting. I don't have much at all that I was already working on. In a way beginnings are fun, but they are also overwhelming and slightly scary. I always wonder if I will actually be able to write another poem. All the previous poems almost seem like flukes. I've learned in the past, though, that if I just sit down and keep writing, something will come along.

The baby and I had another checkup last week too. Her heartbeat was super easy to find and the doctor said she was a "happy little baby." She is certainly a wiggle worm. I can feel her a lot now. Last night I had an alarming episode in which I woke up and realized I had turned from my side to halfway onto my stomach. I moved and she immediately began to jump and shimmy. Was I squashing her? Anyway, she seems okay now.

I was instructed at my appointment to eat more. The baby is growing right on schedule but they would like me to gain a bit more weight. It's kind of crazy because I feel like I eat all the time, but interestingly, since the appointment, I have felt even hungrier than I already did.

Pregnancy hunger, at least mine, is not the fun I thought it would be. It seemed like it'd be very delightful to be hungry and eating for two. And I read about how delightful it is for other women. (Of course, that was in the same books that say the second trimester is the trimester of boundless energy. Must be nice.) THIS pregnancy hunger is vicious. It appears out of nowhere as a gnawing, hollow pain, impossible to ignore, and accompanied by nausea and a vague faintness. It demands immediate satisfaction. For we mamas that are still kind of queasy a lot of the time, it's not always easy to solve. Lots of random things to eat seem gross to me, and at random times. One day I crave hamburgers, the next hamburgers are the most disgusting things I've ever heard of eating. And when I do crave something, it's not like a mild desire, as in, "Oh, I'd like some turtle cheesecake, maybe tonight for dessert;" it's an immediate and vital need, like the need for oxygen. Whatever I crave MUST BE FOUND and it must be found as soon as possible, as in "I've been to all five bakeries in Capitol Hill looking for turtle cheesecake, and am seriously considering taking the Metro to Dupont Circle to continue searching for it, even though I've neither showered nor accomplished a single thing I need to do today." (True story. I didn't go to Dupont Circle looking, though, I just went home and ate half of Dean's birthday carrot cake instead. It was a poor yet delicious substitute.)

Here's a day in the life of my hunger. If I eat right away in the morning, I am okay, although always a little queasy for the first hour or so after waking up. My breakfast of choice this last week is a bagel with cream cheese and a cup of tea. 45 minutes after waking up, I am hungry again. I usually eat a smoothie and yogurt. Then it's just a matter of maintaining. I usually eat a third breakfast by the time I leave the house, or pick up something on the way to the Metro (think McDonald's sausage biscuits with grape jelly. I ate so many of those around weeks 15-18 that I am kind of shocked I didn't gain more weight from them alone.) After the Metro ride, I'm hungry again, and luckily I can pack boxes and eat at the same time.

It's kind of tiring to be always thinking about eating or eating. It's hard to find that much stuff I WANT to eat, and I've been spending a lot of money getting food while I am out. (I did find the Union Station deal of the century the other day: a chicken salad sandwich on homemade bread AND two scoops of exquisite gelato for $6.)

The hunger seems to be worst in the afternoon. It just seems unquenchable. For example, I had the normal morning, we ate a decent lunch at 1:30, and then I was okay till about 3. I came in from the garden and ate half a sandwich (tofukey and provolone) and some chips and then some Dove dark chocolate. Then I took a shower. Not a long shower. By the time I was dry, I was hungry again. I made a duplicate of the above snack. Now it's about 30 minutes later. I am hungry again. I know those aren't HUGE snacks, but I've been eating all day.

And it's been like this for several afternoons. I am going to call the doctor tomorrow and make sure this is normal. I guess the baby just likes to eat in the afternoon. Just like getting up to eat and pee a zillion times a night, perhaps this is all practice for the real thing, when I'll be feeding a baby even more times a day than I myself am eating now. In the meantime, I'm going downstairs to get something else to eat.

The Weekend In Pictures

Well, words and pictures. We had a busy weekend. I graduated from my MFA program on Friday, and on Saturday Jim and Luli, Dean's parents, came up for a birthday visit and a Will Oldham concert. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of the concert, since they didn't allow cameras, but it was a lot of fun. I also have no pictures of today: Dean and I took a picnic to the tidal basin area, and then I stayed on the Mall and watched part of the Memorial Day parade. It was a great DC Memorial Day activity, but they didn't allow cameras. No, really, I just forgot the camera, as usual.

Anyway, here's the weekend's photo album.

My graduation was Friday. It was very hot wearing the robe. It made me sleepy. Graduation ceremonies are so strange, but they are nice punctuation. Here I am with my poetry friends, the people I started the program with 3 years ago...



My family made a whirlwind trip up to see me graduate! Stupidly, we did not take any family pictures at the graduation. But they did get me some gorgeous roses:



and here are some books they brought for the baby (on the beautiful new table Luli made; more on that below).



The baby has a promising library already.

On Saturday, my parents went home and Dean's arrived, bearing many gifts. It's not her birthday, but most were for the baby. Here are some clothes:



and a sling Luli made! I am trying it out with my Cinnamon Bear.



There were also some new clothes for Mama. Here's the cute top Luli made for me:



Sadly, some of the clothes, including the gift from Linda, which I LOVE, do not fit. Sigh. Anyway, Dad-to-be got something he's been wishing for: a rain barrel! It's thundering now, so we're hoping to be able to use it soon. Here it is with its friend the composter:



Just for fun, here's how our garden looks now:



and a close up of the peas:



The most exciting gift, for the whole family, is the beautiful table Luli made for us.



Here's a close up:



and a side view:



I love this table. It is just gorgeous and perfect for the space. It's a drop leaf table, so we can make it small if we need to, or big enough for a large workspace or a dinner for 6 (we think) if we need to. Thank you Luli!

Finally, Suki was a little sad that no one brought her presents, but she found consolation in the bag the presents arrived in:



All in all, a great weekend. It's not often we get to see both sets of parents! Now I'm coming to terms with the end of the holiday--I start my new job in the English department tomorrow!

Inventory

I am 20 weeks pregnant , which is officially halfway through, although of course the pregnancy could be longer or shorter than 40 weeks. We have been very excited since the ultrasound, and spent a lot of time this weekend reading our baby name book. Some names we had been considering were decided against, and some new ones were added to the list. I don't want to post the list yet, but I'll say that Dean and I both seem to like names that sound somewhat old-fashioned, as well as names that end in "a."

I am super excited that the baby is a girl, although I suspect I would be very excited about a boy, albeit in a totally different way. I had been leaning toward wanting a girl, but the night before the ultrasound I kept waking up hearing "it's a boy," and I was still very happy. In fact right before the ultrasound technician told us it was a girl I thought I could see that it was a boy, if you know what I mean--I guess I was looking at the umbilical cord? Anyway, maybe it's just the 20-week ultrasound, but since Friday I have been much more excited about the part where we HAVE A BABY, as in when the baby comes home and we get to have it, oops, HER, around. This is an extreme relief since I have been pretty nervous so far. I'm still nervous, but I am also enchanted by our lovely daughter's first baby pictures and I can't wait to see her in person!

She is moving around a lot more in her snug little space. Or I guess she is moving the same amount, but I can feel it more. The flutters and kicks are interesting, but there is also one very odd type of movement. It's odd because of where I feel it, which is sort of down low, just over the cervix area. It makes sense that you would feel movement there, but it's strange because, as Meg put it, "you didn't think anyone could ever touch you there." I'm excited for when Dean can feel her kicking. On Friday afternoon, she kicked strongly enough for me to feel with my hand on my belly, but that's all so far and of course there is no way of predicting when that will happen again.

We are collecting more and more baby items, so I thought it would be fun to take a baby stuff inventory. So far, my daughter-to-be owns:

1 crib, bought Saturday with Meg and Sophie, to be delivered in 7-14 business days. It looks like this one except it's brown, not black. (Don't cribs look like jail cells?)

1 beautiful quilt, handmade by Dean's great aunt for him when he was born, seen below

1 doll, handmade by Dean's grandmother, also seen below



5 finger puppets: I bought these at Eastern Market with Laura a month or two ago. (Note the baby llama, baby monkey and baby kangaroo!)



3 books: Goodnight Moon and Pat the Bunny, sent by Liz; Freedom on the Menu and Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope, sent by Linda; and Hippos Go Beserk!, bought by me on the day I first heard the baby's heartbeat




2 gowns: pink, one polka dot and one with tiny flowers and a little lamb applique



(See the little lamb?)



1 towel. It has a little lamb hood on it. (I seem to have a weakness for lambs.)

1 pajama set: pink, with matching hat, bib (again with a lamb), and socks.

1 rattle: a cow, with udders, sent by Corrie

24 pairs of socks that look like shoes, sent by my mother in both boys and girls versions in two sizes, seen below in green.

and

1 soft blanket with baby animals on it. (This, the towel, the pajama set and the gowns, not to mention the crib, were bought this weekend by sweet Aunt Meg, who visited with precious baby Sophie--and I forgot my camera so I have no picture of them!)



It's all very exciting and almost exhaustingly cute!

"Looks like you're having a little girl!"

said the ultrasound technician. Pictures below!

Say good-bye to the mystery baby!

Here it is this evening. Tomorrow we'll know what pronoun to use.



As a reference, here it is a month and 10 days ago.

Monday Update

I taught my last classes today. These COULD be the last classes I ever teach at UMD, depending on what happens next year. It was a pleasant day, not any actual teaching--just course evaluations, and for my poetry students, a final small group workshop and then a large group reading. We each brought in a single poem, just to read, not to workshop.

Interestingly, I got through a whole semester without telling my students about the pregnancy (although I know at least one or two of the poetry students, young women, have been checking out my belly). And I still haven't told anyone at school, because they still haven't announced lecturer positions for next year. So I am still stuck in a weird purgatory state with announcing and planning.

I found out I was pregnant (at least, I got the first of many positive pregnancy tests) the night before the first day of classes. January 26 or so? That's a long time to keep a secret.

I remember I felt AWFUL for about 2 days. Like I'd been run over by a truck. And my nose started running ALL the time. Then I felt better till about 6 weeks or so.

I still feel vaguely nauseous from time to time--pretty much every morning and random other times too. I guess that's not going to go away.

Anyway, in other news, I won a teaching award. I am a "Distinguished Teaching Assistant," one of 8 chosen by the English Department. It made me happy to find out. (THAT'S why they should want to keep me as a teacher.)

Also, I got a summer job with the English Department! I've been offered 20-30 hours a week to work as an office assistant. The pay ended up being decent, and I think I am going to take it. My other option is temping again. Theoretically, I could make more money temping, but to do that, I would also have to work more hours. It will be nice to work part time so that I can still write, as well as to be able to count on my schedule. With temp work you just never know. Last year I waited for jobs for a long time, then got an AWFUL stint at the Washington Post (NOT as interesting as it sounds; I was filing over a year's worth of car dealership and housing development ads). Then I was off some more, till I landed what was supposed to be two weeks as a receptionist at a law firm. Nine weeks later, I will still there. It was a mixed blessing--nice to have the work, but long, LONG hours--as in many hours a day, as well as hours that seemed to last for days.

What else? Several lovely people are planning baby showers for me, so I have gotten busy with the baby registries and such (as you can see to the right of the posts). I've made some big decisions: crib, stroller, car seat, although I am still researching a few details. I've learned a LOT about strollers in the past week. And I've probably creeped out my share of parents and babysitters, because I've peered at a lot of strollers too. The stroller decision is a big one for the city dweller. A lot of the strollers we saw on our Babies-R-Us field trip looked too flimsy for Capitol Hill's uneven brick sidewalks. As it turns out, many of the parents in our neighborhood have chosen strollers that are extremely expensive. But I think I found a good option (the City Mini, in case you're wondering).

And, the mystery baby has been moving around. It's mostly very faint movements, so faint I am sometimes unsure I am actually feeling the baby move. It feels like flutters or involuntary twitches on my insides. Sometimes, it feels like pressure pushing downward on whatever is just below the uterus. Cervix? I need my diagram. One night, the night of the poetry reading, I felt actual kicks--not hard, but definite kicks, sort of like light poking in my left side. Maybe the mystery baby was congratulating me?

I got a lot of kind comments about the poetry reading (this was the student prize reading). I am meeting with my thesis advisor one last time, tomorrow afternoon. I want to talk about what to do next. I suppose I am officially working on a book now.

The last random fact for the day: at nineteen weeks, the baby is "the size of a large heirloom tomato." (We've come a long way from lentil!)

Mystery Baby

I have the 20-week ultrasound on May 15th. Dean and I are going to find out the sex of the baby. I figure there will be enough surprises once the baby is born, and I want to know whether it's a boy or a girl. But I am a little sad, thinking that the mystery baby will be a little less mysterious in just a short week.

If you want to place your bets, do it soon...

Baby Instructions

I love this. Click to enlarge, so you can actually read it.